


Make Me Proud

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Pining, Step-Brothers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 75,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23545726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Mark knew it was wrong but he just couldn’t help it.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 81
Kudos: 271
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there are any grammatical errors, I apologize since English isn't my first language.
> 
> I'm NOT a writer. This was just something I wanted to get out of my system. :)

Mark fidgeted with the edge of his sweater as he trailed behind his father towards the restaurant they were going to be dining at. He took a seat on one of the couches in the waiting area as his father went up to follow-up on their reservation. Thankfully there weren’t a lot people in the restaurant as it was a weekday. He was deep in thought trying to make sense of the abstract painting on the side of entrance when he heard his father call his name.

“Mark, the table’s ready.” His father says briefly, turning around and following the waitress. Not giving a second glance to see if Mark was indeed following him. The seat they were given was in a pretty secluded spot. It was near the back but beside the window, giving Mark a view of the city he’s apparently going to live in for the next few years. Or so his father says.

Mark’s father was someone who took his job seriously. He was the type of person who would put work over anything else. They rarely talk about anything personal, conversations were always on the topic of school, how well Mark is doing and how good his teachers are. His father wasn’t a man of many emotions although if there is one that he shows a lot, it was disappointment. Mark could practically hear his father clicking his tongue with a frown whenever he sees a grade other than A on Mark’s report card. He doesn’t really care what Mark is up to, just as long as Mark tells him that he won something in first place or that he has excellent marks on his tests. So Mark, being the good son that he is, gives him just that. It wasn’t to make him proud, mind you. It was just easier this way. Being the good and reliable son. No matter how it suffocates him.

It wasn’t always like this. Before, Mark lived with his mother until she unfortunately died when he was 8 due to an underlying heart condition. Mark smiles fondly as he remembers the days where his mom would take a day off from work to spend at the park while eating ice-cream. She often worked over-time, drowning herself in her work but he understood why she did it. She had a little kid to raise all on her own, after all.

After her death, he was sent to live with his father whom he hasn’t seen all his life. His mother and his father were apparently married for 2 years and divorced just months after Mark was born. He grew up not entirely knowing about his father since they were already living separately before Mark was born.

He had a difficult time trying to adjust after that especially at school. Having transferred in the middle of the school year where everyone already knew each other and have formed groups made making friends more than difficult for Mark. His classmates didn’t really outright ignore him but Mark wasn’t stupid. He knew when he wasn’t welcome.

Mark didn’t try anymore after that. He went from trying to become friends with everybody in class to preferring to sit at the back of the room, not talking to anyone unless needed. Which was fine by Mark since his efforts would’ve gone to waste as he ended up having to transfer schools twice. They had to transfer to a different city due to his father’s work.

  
Mark remembers the time when he first met his father, the man was wearing an immaculate suit while talking to someone on the phone. He only spared a glance at Mark and hurriedly gestured for him to go sit at the back of the car, Mark’s little form struggling to carry his bag full of belongings until it was grabbed from his hands and thrown to the trunk.

“I expect you to behave at all times.” Mark’s father says as their eyes meet on the rear-view mirror. He tries not to remember of how his father’s looked at him then, it was the look of someone who was given something he didn’t want to have nothing to do with.

Mark knew from then on how his life with his father was going to be.

He has a plan, anyway. He would go to a university miles away from where his father is and when he graduates, he’ll just disappear. These are one of the thoughts keep him up late on most nights. Mark plans on going as far as he could away from him. He thought it would be good for the both of them. He was just a liability to his father. He has shown that the very moment he met Mark.

However, for that plan to work, he just has to put up a façade and give his father the results he wants until Mark can finally stand on his own. With a degree on one hand, of course. He can’t afford to just run-away right now, no matter how much he wants to. He had no where to go and he knows his savings aren’t gonna be enough. He wasn’t stupid, he had this figured out.

However, there was one thing he didn’t see coming. The two of them were having dinner one night when his father suddenly told him that he was going to remarry. Mark thought it was the dumbest thing he has ever heard his father say, but he kept this to himself.

It was the reason why they are at this very restaurant. To meet the woman his father was going to marry. _Well, remarry._ The woman was apparently someone he bumped into from a seminar he attended a year ago. They’ve since then been seeing each other until deciding to marry. She also has a son 4 years older than him who was about to go to university after this summer. This was all what his father told him, along with a pointed look. He scoffs as he remembers his father’s words. _I expect you to be at your best when we meet them, Mark._ When has he ever been anything but?

“They’re here.” His father tells him as he stands up from his seat with a small smile. Huh. Mark thinks how weird it is to see that kind of expression on his father’s face. He turns his head away and towards the entrance of the restaurant.

_He’s tall._

That was the first thought that came into mind when he first saw him. _Tall and intimidating._ He was wearing a crisp white polo shirt that hung nicely on his broad-shoulders, making Mark feel a little conscious on how small he looks in the light blue shirt he’s wearing right now. He had dark hair, a little on the long side from the way he brushed it away when it covered his eyes. And his eyes. They were such a light shade of brown, reminding Mark of coffee. He had a fixed calm expression on his face but Mark can’t seem to shake this unsettling feeling towards the tall person headed towards their table. Mark shakes his head and put the useless feeling aside. This person was about to go to university after summer so he’s sure he’s not going to be seeing this person often after. He wasn’t going to be important.

Beside him was the woman who his father was apparently going to marry. _She looks… okay._ Mark thinks as she waves her hand towards them. When they reached their table, the woman gave his father a quick peck on the lips and Mark pretends he didn’t see it.

“This must be Mark.” He was thankful that she didn’t pull him towards her for a hug but instead offered him a smile.

“This is my son, Johnny.” She put a hand on the shoulder of the tall person beside her. Mark shifts his eyes towards the said person to offer a polite greeting, expecting a bored or irritated expression to meet him. Anyone in their right mind would find this situation awkward. Having to meet the son of the woman your father was going to remarry. _That would make us step-brothers then._ It was just so _bothersome._ However, he knew he had to cooperate. He’s good at masking his thoughts and going along with everything. Has been doing that all his life.

However, for the first time that night, Mark was surprised to see the other with a smile on his face. His eyes widen a fraction in surprise to see how intense the other seemed to be looking at him. He was used to not having anyones undivided attention on him so when felt this person’s attention all on him like they were the only ones there, he was a little bit taken aback to say the least.

“Mark, right?” He stretches his hand toward Mark who can all but nod. Mark looks at their hands and notices how absolutely small his looked compared to the other’s.

“You can call me Johnny-hyung.”

———

Mark lets out a heavy sigh as he successfully put all of the boxes in the room which was now apparently his. After the wedding ceremony which consisted of only a few of their close friends and colleagues, his father told him that they were now going to be living with Ji-eun, the name of the woman his father remarried. It was more convenient, his father told him. His work wasn’t too far from Ji-eun’s house and it was in a nice neighbourhood. Mark cringes at how awkward it was when she insisted he call her mom now. _Yeah, I don’t think so._ He won’t be doing that unless it was absolutely necessary. He goes toward the window and opens it a little wider, welcoming the pleasant breeze. Summer was slowly coming to an end and the weather was finally becoming a little bit more bearable but it was still hot. He watched the skies which were bathed in a pale orange tint and wonders where time went. He feels like it was only yesterday when he finished middle-school and now he’s a week away from starting high-school. The school he was going to be attending was apparently not too far from the house and that the bus-stop was just a few minutes away by foot. _How convenient,_ Mark thinks. That’s how his life is. _Just convenient._ Turning away from the window, he lies down on his bed and stares aimlessly at the ceiling. His mind drifts to that night, the night which was basically the start of all of this.

It was mostly uneventful, really. The food was pretty good and everyone spent the rest of the night conversing with each other. Mark favoured staring at the city lights from his seat near the window, only paying half-attention to whatever it is they were talking about and only speaking when prompted. Earlier during the night, Ji-eun tried to rope him more in to their conversations but Mark only gave her brief responses. He wasn’t being impolite, he just knew how to answer in a way where he didn’t have to talk for too long. After a few tries of trying to draw more than two sentences from him, she finally came to realize that Mark just wasn’t one to talk much and left him to his own thoughts after that. Which he appreciated. He wasn’t entirely comfortable having everyone’s attention towards him. Especially _his_ attention.

If Mark was being honest, he only had his eyes turned towards the window to resist the urge to stare at _him._ It was unsettling on how he had this kind of effect on Mark, it was like he was just drawn to the older. Although he was sure that Johnny had that kind of effect on a lot of people. He remembers noticing the flirty look the waitress threw Johnny from across the table when she was taking their order, nor the way the waitress brushed her front against Johnny’s shoulder when she handed him his drink. He didn’t miss the small note she slipped Johnny when they paid the bill and were about to go, either.

_They were such opposites._

Mark closes his eyes as he remember how Johnny conversed easily with his father, making the latter laugh in a way Mark has never seen before. He didn’t even know his father knew how to laugh like that. Johnny was witty, charming and confident. Maybe that’s why he was drawn to him, he was everything Mark wasn’t. Johnny was the son he knew his father wanted him to be. Maybe what he’s feeling towards the older is just envy. _Maybe._ Mark lets out another heavy sigh as he felt a sudden wave of tiredness come upon him.

———

Mark woke up with a sudden jolt. He can’t believe he fell asleep. He rubbed his eyes awake and saw the unopened boxes scattered around his room which he failed to unpack. He didn’t even realize how tired he was yesterday. He blames it on the weather. Looking down at his body, he realizes that he was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. His shirt clinging uncomfortably to his body due to sweat and he winces in disgust. Slowly getting up from his bed, Mark groans as he stretches him arms above his head.

Opening one of the boxes where he knew his clean clothes were, he grabbed a shirt and an old pair of shorts and headed towards the bathroom that was at the edge of the hallway. The shower did wonders to his body, he felt his senses and muscles wake up from underneath the cold spray of water.

He exited the bathroom feeling more awake than he did a few minutes ago and went towards his room, careful not to make too much noise. Before opening his door, he spared a glance at the one next to his. _Johnny’s room._ Listening in, he waited for any indication as to whether the older was awake already but he was met with silence. He shrugged and entered his room with the idea of finally unpacking to get it all over with but when he was about to start, his stomach emitted a groan. Right, he skipped dinner.

Mark’s father had mentioned that he was going to drop by at his new office for a meeting so Mark knew that he wasn’t going to see his father until maybe before dinner. He wasn’t sure about Johnny’s mother, though. He knew that she was an editor so she worked from home most of the time. Only making trips to her office for important meetings. He didn’t know if she was up early during Saturdays. Considering how quiet the house seems to be, it seems like he was the only one awake at this time. Seeing it as the perfect time to get himself something to eat, Mark went downstairs with the thought of making himself a sandwich. However, he paused as he was met with noise coming from the kitchen. He was wrong, someone’s already awake and he bets it’s Ji-eun. Mark nonetheless went towards the kitchen, already planning to get maybe a granola bar or _something_ before heading to his room. He guesses he can take having a quick conversation with his step-mom in exchange for something to eat as he seriously was just too hungry.

Expecting to see Ji-eun, Mark was surprised to see her son instead. Johnny looked liked he just got back from a run, judging from what he was wearing and the way his body seemed to be flushed from exertion. The other was busy looking for something in the refrigerator to notice Mark who was standing in the doorway. _I’ll just come back later when no one’s here,_ Mark thought. He was about to make a quick getaway when the floorboard underneath his feet revealed his presence. Johnny turned his head to look for the source of the sound and met eyes with Mark.

“Oh, you’re up.” Realization dawning upon him when he saw the younger standing in the doorway. Mark didn’t know what to make of the expression and tone Johnny used when he saw him. It sounded like irritation. Mark suddenly felt a chill run up his spine along with the feeling that he wasn’t welcome at all.

“I was just—“ Mark continues, feeling like a deer caught in headlights, trying to explain himself when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Oh, you’re finally awake!” It was Johnny’s mother, suddenly appearing beside him.

“Good morning, mom,” Johnny said with a gentle smile towards his mother, pointedly ignoring whatever Mark was supposed to say. Johnny’s expression held no trace of the previous one he showed him just a few moment ago. Ji-eun gave his son a pat on the back as she looked over to what he was preparing.

“How was your run?” She asked Johnny, with the latter muttering something about the weather being too hot but Mark didn’t try to listen on. It was a conversation he knew he wasn’t supposed to be a part of. He was just about to silently retreat to his room as he felt he was intruding. He was just gonna get food when no one’s in the kitchen.

“Johnny’s about to cook breakfast. Why don’t you set the table?” Ji-eun said suddenly to Mark. Before he can say anything in reply, she was already headed toward the backyard, putting on a hat that looked like it was for gardening. “I’m just gonna quickly start watering my plants.” Mark quickly grabs the plates from the drying rack near the sink along with utensils, trying not to get on Johnny’s way. He looked around for cups but he can’t seem to find them.

“They’re on the top cabinet.” Johnny suddenly said without looking at him, knowing exactly what Mark was looking for. However, there was a problem. They were too high up. Mark stretched his arm and he couldn’t even reach the handle. He was about to look for a chair or something to stand on when he felt Johnny suddenly appear behind him. He was so close that Johnny’s breath tickled the top of his hair when he exhaled. He was so close and Mark had never felt so, so small. Mark didn’t even realize he stopped breathing when Johnny reached over to grab the cups from the cabinet above him.

“I got it.” Johnny said simply and just like that, he went on to continue cooking. Like nothing happened. _Well, nothing did happen,_ his brain argues. _Yeah, nothing._ Mark stood rooted in his place for a couple of seconds and when he turned around, Johnny was already sitting at the breakfast table.

“Mom, let’s eat!” Johnny calls out to the backyard, a piece of toast on one hand.

“Ah, it’s still hot out.” Ji-eun complained as she entered the kitchen, wiping the sweat on her forehead with a paper towel. “What are you standing there for? Let’s eat.” Mark followed them to the table and sat slowly, trying not to mind how awkward this was for him. However, when he bit in the toast, all other thoughts seemed to vanish. All he could think of right now was eating, he was just so hungry.

“You must be hungry,” Ji-eun started, like he read Mark’s mind. “I had Johnny call you last night for dinner but he told me you were knocked out cold.” She said with a laugh and Mark feels his cheeks redden. Johnny went in his room and saw him sprawled out on the bed? _How embarrassing._

“Yeah, I didn’t realize how tired I was either.” Mark replied sheepishly, making Ji-eun chuckle. He looked at her and thought how carefree she looked, she seemed to be laughing and smiling at everything. He wonders how a woman as relaxed as her chose his father out of all people.

Mark took a sip from the orange juice he poured himself and risked another glance at Johnny who was sitting in front of him. He was browsing something on his phone as he sipped on the coffee which was on his other hand. Mark noted how dark it was. _How could you drink something that bitter?_ Mark wanted to ask but decided against it.

“I had the pool cleaned, by the way.” Ji-eun said, looking up from the newspaper she was reading. “In case you guys wanted to go for a swim.”

“That sounds good.” Johnny replies as he stood up from his seat. “Maybe later, though. I’m a little tired.” He grabbed his plate, put it on the sink and was about to wash it when Mark stopped him.

“I— I can wash the dishes.” Johnny looks at him and Mark tries to hold his gaze without looking away. Johnny gives him a brief nod afterwards before heading upstairs without another word. It was the least Mark could do. He didn’t want them to think he was a spoiled and ungrateful brat. With the older gone, Mark was left with Johnny’s mother. Despite the fact that their relationship was still a little stiff, Mark felt that the woman meant him no harm. During the time they were preparing for the wedding to the ceremony itself, she hasn’t really shown anything out of line with Mark. That and the effort she’s been showing to make Mark comfortable had him give her a chance.

“Thank you for breakfast.“ Mark said after he finished eating, never forgetting about his manners.

“No problem, sweetheart.” She said as she folded up the newspaper she was reading. “I trust you can do the dishes?” Mark nods and watches her stand up to put on her gardening hat once again.

The rest of the day was uneventful. They ordered food for lunch and Ji-eun asked them if they wanted anything since she was going for a trip to the grocery. After she left, Mark went back to his room with the goal of finishing unpacking.

He was just about to start opening his boxes when he heard a knock on the door. He looked towards the door and was surprised to see Johnny standing on the doorway, looking a little out of place amongst the boxes in his room.

“Mom told me to ask you if you need help unpacking.” Johnny tells him as he pushes his hair away from his eyes. He was wearing a white shirt and basketball shorts which looked a little worn out. Mark dislikes how someone could look that good without doing anything.

“It’s fine,” Mark replies in a small voice. He hasn’t even started yet but he knew he didn’t really need help. There wasn’t really a lot to unpack, he didn’t have a lot things in the first place.

“Alright.” Johnny turns around towards the door when Mark remembers his words.

“Thank you, though.” Mark says right before the door closes, not sure if Johnny heard him. He still was so unsure about the older. He was all but welcoming when he greeted his father and him at the door and he even helped them with carrying the heavier boxes. However, there's still this unsettling feeling in his gut that he can’t seem to shake regarding the other.

Just as Mark placed the last of his things to where they were supposed to be, his father was home and it was already time for dinner. Dinner was a new experience for Mark. It was the first time they had dinner together at Ji-eun’s— well, their house, as she puts it. But Mark knew he would never regard it as such, he didn't think that he really belonged there. As usual, Mark spent the night just listening in on to their conversations, not really speaking unless spoken to like always. He looked at the empty chair in front of him and wondered where Johnny was.

“If you’re wondering where he is, he went out with his friends.” Ji-eun suddenly tells him and Mark thinks he’s starting to dislike the way she seem to always know what’s he’s thinking.

“He’s leaving in around a week?” His father supplies right next to him and Mark’s ears perk in interest.

“Yeah, he insisted on going a week before classes start. He told me he needed more time to get used to the campus or something.” Ji-eun said with a roll of her eyes as his father gives out a quiet chuckle. Mark momentarily forgot that Johnny was leaving for university. _He’s probably out spending time with his girlfriend before he leaves._ Mark’s brain supplies and he tries not to imagine what Johnny and his girlfriend might be doing right now.

Mark goes to bed that night feeling a little heavier than usual for some reason he didn’t fully know.

———

Mark has always been someone who woke up early. He found that nothing seem to compare with peaceful mornings and the pleasant view of the sky just before the sun fully shines. Waking up early just gives Mark this inexplicable sense of calm, knowing most of the world is still asleep and that he gets to enjoy the quietness before everything descends into a rush. He exits his room, very mindful of any noise he might make before making his way to the kitchen. He grabs himself a bottle of water and downs it in one go, treating his parched throat. The digital clock on the oven tell him that it was just a few minutes away from 6 AM and Mark gently makes his way towards the backyard.

He dips his hand in the pool and watches the water ripple in effect. Mark lets his hand play on the water for a few moments before switching to sit on the pool’s ledge, submerging his legs in the pool. The water felt so cool. He removes his shirt and finally gives in, diving in with a gently splash. The water was a little on the cold side but not to the point that it was entirely uncomfortable. He gives out a content sigh and lets a smile grace his lips as he lets his body float, he doesn’t remember the last time he was this relaxed.

Mark does a couple of laps and by the time he was done, the sun was already shining and the world was starting to finally wake-up. Mark rises from the pool and tries his best to dry himself with the shirt he discarded by the pool’s ledge. He didn’t completely dry himself but at least he won’t be dripping much water around the house. He’ll just try to wipe the water after. He opens the door connecting the backyard to the house and breathes a sigh of relief when he notices that no one still seemed to be awake. He carefully heads upstairs to his room and was about to turn the knob of his door when the one next to his suddenly opens.

Mark can only imagine how he appears right now, shirt hanging around his neck and the shorts which weren’t exactly meant for swimming, soaking wet. Mark feels all the blood rush to his face as he felt Johnny’s eyes on his body. He doesn’t know what the other was thinking. The older was probably judging him for how small and thin he looked compared to him. Mark crosses his hand in front of his chest, starting to become uncomfortably aware about how he looks and that seemed to break the older from his train of thought.

“You should bring a towel next time.” That was the only thing Johnny said as he made his way past Mark, putting on his earbuds and his jacket for his morning run. “You might slip and hurt yourself.”

Mark shuts the door behind him, not caring if he let it close a little too loudly. He tries to ignore the warm feeling at the bottom of his stomach as he slid down to sit on the floor, not minding how uncomfortable his damp shorts are right now. He doesn’t get how the older makes him feel this way. He’s not even doing anything and Mark just becomes this clumsy mess. He takes a look at his shorts, notices how see-through it was and he groans at how he probably looked to Johnny. He must’ve been so weirded out. Mark was practically naked. _How embarrassing._

Anyway, what he needs now is a warm shower. He doesn’t wanna think of anything else.

———

The following day, Johnny’s mother had this idea of them spending the day at the mall.

“It’s Johnny’s last week with us before he goes to university, we need to make it count.” His step-mom says with a clap of her hands, as if she just said the most interesting idea in the world.

“Mom, come on. I’m leaving next week not tomorrow.” Johnny said with a roll of his eyes. They were eating lunch together, his father included. However, the man was too busy reading emails on his laptop so Mark wasn’t entirely sure if he was paying attention to the conversation. “I’m not going out of the country. I’m just gonna be a 4-hour drive away.” He says with a wink.

“How about a trip to the mall?”

“You just want a reason to go out.” Johnny tells his mother with a teasing smile.

“Honey, what do you think?” She turns towards his father, pointedly ignoring Johnny who just laughs in return. Mark resists the urge to smile.

“That sounds like a good idea, honey.” His father replies without looking up from his laptop. Ji-eun clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes. Mark wishes he has the courage to do that too in front of his father.

“How does that sound, Mark?” Mark nearly chokes on his water, not expecting for the attention to suddenly be directed to him.

“Sounds good,” He replied with a gentle smile. It’s not like he had a choice in the subject. Saying no would be rude and he can’t have them thinking that, especially when his father is in the room. He feels someone looking at him and he turns his head towards Johnny, but the older was on his phone. Mark shrugs and draws his attention to the radio running in the background.

———

They ended up going to the mall without his father. He told them that there were important emails which he needs to answer before the day ends so he’ll just meet them at dinner. This left Mark with Johnny and his mother once again. He let himself trail along behind them but Ji-eun grabbed his arm and since then hasn’t let him go anywhere but her side. If Mark was being honest, he was actually having a pretty good time. It was a new city for him so everything was relatively new to his eyes.

“You run every morning but can’t accompany your mom to the mall for more than 30 minutes without getting tired?” Ji-eun says with an arched brow after Johnny told her that he was just gonna wait for them to finishing shopping at a coffee shop.

“See you later!” Was all Johnny said with a cheeky grin before starting to walk the opposite way.

“Wait!” Ji-eun calls after him and Mark feels her place her hand on his shoulder for the second time that day. “Why don’t you take Mark with you?” Mark’s eyes widen in surprise and he tries to tell her that he didn’t want to but she wasn’t having it. Mark would rather trail around her for the next hour than accompany Johnny.

“No—“

“Go with Johnny.” Ji-eun tells him. Mark thinks Ji-eun says something about messaging her but he can’t seem to focus, he didn’t understand what she was saying. Next thing he knew, Ji-eun was already gone and Mark is left with Johnny who was standing a few feet away from him. He suddenly doesn’t know what to do, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt which he does when he gets nervous as his mind races. Johnny was probably just gonna leave him here. The older starts walking and Mark doesn’t know if he’s supposed to follow after him. Mark silently curses as he remembered that his phone was out of battery, how the hell is he gonna—

“What are you waiting for?” Johnny calls after him. “Let’s go.” Mark practically sprinted as he tried to match the pace Johnny set with his long strides.

They reached the coffee shop and Johnny pays for their coffee. Mark wonders if the barista feels the same way he feels when Johnny’s attention is on him. He is given an answer when the barista laughs a little too loudly at what Johnny was saying, brushing her hair behind her ear and giving Johnny a flirty smile. Seems like he wasn’t the only one that gets flustered around him.

“I just want to make sure,” They were sitting at a table near the table and when he spoke, Mark has to double-check if it were really him that Johnny was talking to. “You’re 15 right?”

“14 actually but I’m about to turn 15 in a few of months.” Mark replies. “Why?”

“Are you sure?” Mark looks at him with furrowed brows and sees Johnny with mirth in his eyes.

“Of course I am,”

“Well, it’s cause you look 10.” Johnny said it in a matter-of-fact tone and Mark almost wanted to punch him for it. “You’re really small.”

“Haven’t you thought that maybe you’re just too tall?” He retorts with a roll of his eyes as Johnny barks a laugh. Mark realizes that the older was just teasing him, trying to gauge a reaction and laughing when he got the reaction he wanted. Mark feels himself smile and feels the tension on his shoulders ease. Conversation came easy after that. They talked about school mostly, since they were both going to be attending new ones after the summer. He was apparently going to be attending the same high-school Johnny used to attend so the older gave him a few tips on which teachers he should be wary about. Mark finds himself laughing at loud when the older tells him about their senior prank which ended up with a goat in the faculty’s bathroom.

———

They met their father at a restaurant not a little too far from the mall and Mark was honestly starting to feel comfortable around Johnny and his mom. He’s starting to think that the situation he wasn’t in was beginning to be more than bearable. He looks at Johnny who was seated beside him and wonders why he ever felt wary about the older one. The both of them had the right to be uncomfortable, of course. Their circumstances weren’t exactly normal after all. Mark was just glad that the older was patient and understanding enough of their situation, it’s not like they asked their parents to marry each other. Johnny catches him staring and gives him a gentle smile that makes Mark’s cheeks warm.

“Mark, your father told me you were part of the swim team in middle-school?” Ji-eun asks him in the middle of dinner.

“I was,” He didn’t know why they were talking about this.

“He’s even won in competitions.” His father supplies and Mark notices something about his tone. Was that pride?

“Are you going to be trying out for the swim team in high school then?” She looked absolutely excited that it confused him. Honestly, Mark didn’t really consider it. His father had him take lessons so he had something to occupy his time during summer but Mark knew he just wanted him out of the house. The only time he has taken a break from it was this summer since they were busy with the wedding and everything. He knew he was good at it, he remembers his coaches telling him that he had a natural talent for swimming when he was just starting. He was able to pick up on the strokes quickly and execute them to near perfection. At first he didn’t really care about the sport and just did it out of boredom. However as time passed, he had grown to like it and even won a few competitions.

“I’m not really sure if I want to,” Mark said honestly and internally cringed when he felt his father pause eating to look at him in question.

“Why not—“ His father started but Johnny cut off whatever it was his father was supposed to say.

“You should join,” Mark didn’t know what came over him and found himself nodding, wanting nothing more in that moment but to follow whatever Johnny told him. He feels like he would jump if Johnny wanted him to. “Make hyung proud.” Mark feels his breath hitch as Johnny ruffles his hair before turning to his food. Not noticing how he left Mark’s brain in shambles.

_Make hyung proud._

Johnny’s words echo in his mind and feels a fluttering feeling in his stomach. Mark doesn’t know what to make of it.

“I will.”

———

Ji-eun and his father ended up heading home after the dinner since Ji-eun told them that she was too tired already and wanted nothing more than to sleep. Johnny told her that they should all just go home but she insisted that they go to the theatre, not wanting to get the movie tickets they bought in advance to go to waste.

“Want anything?” Johnny asked after getting their tickets printed at the booth. They were currently standing in line to get snacks and Mark takes a look around the place. It was a Sunday night and most of the movie-goers were couples. He must feel embarrassed, Mark thought. Having him as company when he could be watching it with his girlfriend instead.

“I’ll just have popcorn.” Mark replies, fidgeting with the edge of shirt once again. There was a couple in-front of them who looked like they were around Johnny’s age. He quickly averts his eyes as they started kissing when someone bumps into his shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?” Johnny asks him and he was so close that Mark has to tips his head to meet his eyes. Mark is suddenly reminded of how small he is— but he doesn’t really seem to mind it at all.

“I was just thinking how—” Mark gulps as Johnny cocks a brow at him. He was so close. “I was just thinking about how you must be feeling.” Johnny just looks at him, urging Mark to continue. “I mean, you could’ve been spending tonight with your girlfriend but you’re stuck with me.” He says honestly and Johnny looks at him for a moment before giving a reply.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Johnny says simply and is that relief that Mark feels? “And you’re not bad company to start with, anyway.” Before Mark can analyze the look on his eyes, it was their turn to order. Johnny goes toward the counter, leaving him behind and Mark ignores how cold he suddenly felt.

“Your baby brother is so cute.” He heard the girl at the counter gush as Johnny gives a laugh in reply. He feels like someone just poured cold water over his head. _Brother._ He almost forgot.

No matter how hard Mark tries, he just couldn’t seem to pay attention to the movie.

———

The following days go by in a breeze. Honestly, Mark’s mind reels back to everything that has happened for the past few days. Whenever he looks at Johnny, all he could think about was wanting to grow up as someone like him. Someone who knew how to carry themselves and someone who was always sure of themselves. But at the same time, his mind imagines growing up with wanting Johnny by his side, spending their days just telling stories and joking around each other.

But he was so confused. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be like Johnny or if he wanted him.

It was so wrong of him to think this but his cheeks redden when his mind goes back to that one afternoon. Mark was just lying in his room, playing on his phone when he started to feel a little restless. The air-condition was on but for some reason, Mark was still sweating. He thought the weather was starting to cool down but it was just too unpredictable.

He shifts in his bed and tries to think of something to do, feeling boredom creeping in. He stares aimlessly at the ceiling and sees the reflection from the water of the pool dancing before his eyes. Grabbing his earphones, he plans on just chilling by the poolside. He goes towards his window to look at the backyard when something catches his eyes. A certain someone has already beaten him to it and— oh.

Mark’s breath hitch when he sees a certain someone lounging by the poolside, sunglasses perched on his head with a book in hand. _And he’s shirtless._ Mark’s mind unnecessarily adds. He looked so… _hot._

Mark shakes his head and tell himself he was going crazy from the weather but he still can’t seem to tear his eyes from the sight. From this angle, Mark supposed that Johnny won’t be able to spot him looking so Mark took advantage of the situation to do just that. He looked so serene, which was a stark contrast to what Mark was feeling right now. Johnny stretches his arms and proceeds to dive into the pool, resurfacing a few seconds after and Mark looks on as if in a trance. The older gets out of the pool, shorts clinging onto him like a second skin, leaving nothing to the imagination and Mark’s mouth dries up.

_Oh._

Mark finally finds the power to force himself away from the window, letting out a sharp exhale in the process.

He has a problem.

He lies down in his bed, feeling a little light-headed but that wasn’t his only problem. He puts his hands over his eyes and remembers Johnny staring at him with those intense eyes of his. His eyes, his arms— his arms. Mark imagines how easy it would be for him to carry Mark. He could practically lift him like he was nothing. Or pin him to the mattress without even breaking a sweat.

_Fuck._

Mark has been trying his best for the past few days not to give in but he can’t help it. He lightly brushes his hand over the front of his pants and holds back a whimper. This was really becoming a problem. He wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this for Johnny.

He’s his _step-brother._ It was so _wrong._

However, that didn’t stop Mark from wanting to touch himself more. He quickly removes his shirt and Mark gasps as his hands make contact with his sensitive nipples while imagining that Johnny was the one touching him right now. His hands drift downwards towards his crotch and he moans as he palms himself. He removes his short and Mark gasps when he finally strokes himself. All he was thinking about was how much he wanted to come. It didn’t take long for Mark to get close, already setting a fast pace right from the start with the image of a shirtless Johnny telling him how he was such a good boy. _You’re so good for me,_ the Johnny in Mark’s fantasies would tell him. _Come for me,_ Johnny tells Mark. _Come for hyung._

And Mark does, biting his lips to stop himself from making too much noise but a slight whine still escapes him. Mark breathes heavily as he looks upwards, holding his cum-stained hand in front of his eyes. He wonders how Johnny would taste like.

Mark huffs as he rises from bed, looking for something to clean himself with as he tries his best not to think of the implications of what he just did.

He can’t imagine being able to look at Johnny after this. The fact that the older is leaving in a couple of days kind of helped calm his mind. But did it really? Mark tries to tamper the heavy feeling in his heart as he realizes that he won’t see Johnny anymore unless the other goes home during holidays. Which wasn’t going to be a lot of times… that was good right?

Maybe when he’s gone, Mark’s little _crush_ would go too. _Yeah._ He’s a hormonal teenage after all, he doesn’t really have full control over his body yet. He was just horny and it just so happened that the face Mark imagined was Johnny’s. _Yeah._ Feeling something sexually attracted about someone doesn’t automatically mean you like _like_ them, right? He doesn’t like Johnny. It’s just hormones. He’s his step-brother for god’s sake! Whatever, this will pass. He isn’t thinking right anymore. He throws himself on his bed, buries his face in his pillow and wills his mind to shut up.

It went without saying that he found it a little bit difficult to meet the others eyes after then. When they did, he would feel a wave of guilt wash over his body along with something else he tries not to feel.

Mark just doesn’t want to admit it to himself but he knows he has already fallen to a place he knew he was going to have a hard time getting out off.

———

“Mark, breakfast is ready!” He hears Ji-eun call out as he dries his hair with a towel. He spent his mornings doing laps in the pool, trying to make up for the time he spent not training. He had a goal of making it to the swimming team after all.

_Make hyung proud._

It was the morning Johnny was leaving for university and he would be lying if he wasn’t feeling the least bit sad. After that particular afternoon, Mark was so desperate to forget about what he's feeling that he wished Johnny would do something so that he could hate him or something. But the older was just so… perfect. He was nothing but kind and good to Mark, he made him laugh and helped him put away the dishes when he already knew it was Mark’s turn to clean.

It was all Mark’s fault that he felt like this. Johnny was just being a good older brother— step-brother— to him and here he is making everything weird. He feels another wave of guilt as he remembers how he touched himself with the older’s name on his lips. Fuck. Mark internally curses. He just hopes that when Johnny goes, this feeling Mark is feeling would go with him.

He walks towards his study table, grabs the small box atop of it and opens it to reveal a thin silver chain bracelet. He bought it a few days ago when he had to accompany Ji-eun to the mall. While she was busy looking for new cooking pans she wanted Johnny to bring for his apartment, Mark drifted to one of the stalls in the middle of the mall that sold various kinds of jewellery. He wasn’t really planning on buying anything but when he spotted the thin silver chain bracelet, he was immediately reminded of Johnny. He remembers the times has Johnny helped him and just… how he was so kind to Mark. _It’s just a simple thank you gift._ He tells himself as he paid for it. He put the box in his back of his jeans and made his way towards the kitchen where everyone was.

“You better call me the minute you get there,” Ji-eun says, giving a kiss on Johnny’s forehead. His father also gave him his goodbye, telling him to drive carefully and be safe. They were all standing in the driveway as Johnny double-checks the contents of his trunk, making sure that he hasn’t forgotten anything.

“I will,” He said, opening the door to the driver’s seat. “Make sure you guys don’t miss me too much,” The said with a grin and Mark thinks how difficult that would be. He doesn’t miss the way Johnny’s mother was stopping her tears and his father rubbing her back as the both of them made their way inside. Mark watches Johnny from the door, trying to remember as much as he can from the other. He was almost out of the driveway when Mark remembers the box on his back-pocket. Should he even give it to him? Wasn’t it weird to give him a bracelet? Will he even— wait, he shouldn’t be overthinking this.

“Johnny-hyung!” Mark calls from the doorway as he runs towards Johnny’s car. Thankfully, he had his windows down so he heard him. Mark pulled the box from his back pocket, ignoring how it suddenly became heavy and extended it towards Johnny. “Thank you for the past few days. It’s just a simple going-away present.” Mark is feeling a little breathless, finding it hard to meet Johnny’s eyes. He feels Johnny take the box from his hands and Mark gives out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He raises his head to look at the older, expecting a smile but he was met with a scoff.

“Pathetic,” That word was uttered with so much venom that Mark’s eyes widened in surprise. This wasn’t the Johnny he knew, this was someone different. “What am I supposed to do with this?” Johnny says as he holds the bracelet in front of his face, eyeing it with so much disgust. “Couldn’t you have given me something useful?”

“I—“ Mark tried to reason. He’s finding it hard to breathe.

“Never mind, I didn’t expected much from you, anyway.” Johnny sneered as he put the bracelet back into the box and Mark watches as he throws it at the backseat, evidently not caring about it. Johnny glares at him and Mark wants nothing more than to run back to the house but he can’t seem to will his legs to move.

Johnny jabs a finger at his chest and Mark ignores how painful it is. “Listen here,” He was about to speak when his eyes suddenly shifted towards the house and his expression immediately changed to something more pleasant. What? Mark looks behind him and sees Johnny’s mother waving at them from the window and it finally dawns upon him. He feels Johnny pull the front of his shirt so they were eye-to-eye, effectively block Johnny’s mother’s view of him too.

“The only reason why I put up with your annoying ass is because my mother asked me to.” Mark tries to swallow the lump in his throat. “Now, if I so much as hear that you’re giving her a hard time— you wouldn’t even want to hear what I would do you.” Johnny voice held so much venom that Mark visibly winced. He felt Johnny release the front of his shirt with a push and Mark tries not to stumble backwards from the force. “And don’t even think about telling her this.” "I fucking hate you."

With that, Johnny rolls up his window and drives away. Mark watches him go until he turns a corner and disappears. There were a million thoughts going around his head as he stays rooted in his spot for god knows how long.

Mark knew it. There was a painful stinging in his heart. Everything was just too good to be true. At least now Johnny finally gave him a reason to hate him, he tells himself with a dark chuckle.

How can he be so stupid to believe that someone like Johnny would actually want to willingly spend time with him. _So, so stupid._ Mark sinks to his knees and hold his head in between his hands. He’ll get over this. He’s used to being disappointed and not having his way, anyway.

He’s gonna get through this. He’s not going to lose to his emotions. What he’s feeling will gradually go away as time passes. He was going to forget about this. He repeats it all in his head like a mantra.

If only it were that easy.

———

It was the day before school starts and Mark tries his best not to think of Johnny. He tried to make himself busy by tiring out his body so he won’t have the energy to think about anything anymore. It’s been a few days since Johnny left but he still feels like it was yesterday. He did more laps in the morning and ran in the afternoon just to have something distract him. His father and Johnny’s mother thought he was just improving his endurance and he just agrees with them. He can’t exactly admit that it was to distract him about a certain someone, can he?

Mark slows his pace as he nears his house. He puts his hands around his hips and looks at the sky. This was such a long summer. He’s glad it’s ending.

“Hey,” Mark was just about to open the gate to their house when he heard someone call out. He looks around, trying to look for the source and sees a person standing in the middle of the driveway next to their house. Mark wasn’t sure if this person was really calling him so he just ignored the person until they spoke once again.

“Wow— okay, rude.” Mark looks at him in question and the person goes towards him. _Well, he looks harmless enough,_ Mark thinks as the person starts getting nearer. They were almost the same height and Mark thinks he could take him on if he turned out to be a robber. _Wait, who steals in broad daylight?_ Now that he has taken another closer look, he thinks their ages aren’t too far from each other too.

“Are you talking to me?” Mark tries to sound as intimidating as possible.

“Do you see anybody here besides us?” The other person replies with a cock of his brow and Mark is starting to get a little annoyed. “Who are you, anyway?” The person says as he crosses his arms, standing a few feet away from Mark.

“Who are you?” He parrots in reply and he’s annoyed again. “I live here.” He points to Johnny’s house.

“Oh! You must be Ji-eun’s step-son?” The person’s eyes widen. “I just thought you were a robber or something, you had you hood up and everything.”

Mark lets out a scoff as he thinks how funny it was that both of them thought the same thing. He feels the other’s whole demeanour change as he saw Mark react to what he said.

“I’m Haechan.” The person— Haechan— says as he extends an arm to Mark who takes it in return. Haechan was flashing him such a warm smile that he completely forgot how annoyed he was in the first place.

“I’m Mark,” Mark replies, giving him a slight smile just to be polite. Haechan didn’t stop talking after that. Just from that meeting, he came to know that they were both coincidentally going to the same school. Apparently, the reason why he has only seen Haechan now was because they were on a family trip, having only returned this morning. He even tells Mark that he could’ve helped him move in if he only were there earlier from their trip. It makes Mark wonder how different would it be if he only met Haechan earlier? If he was the one Mark spent time with instead of—

“Mark.” Haechan calls out, stopping Mark from over-thinking once again. “Want to go to my house?”

“What— why?” The question caught Mark completely off-guard.

“I bought a new game and I’m giving you the privilege to be the first to play it with me.” Haechan says with a cheeky grin, tone making it sound like Mark should be extremely grateful.

“Why—”

“Why do you keep on asking why?” Haechan looks at him, clearly exasperated. “Isn’t it obvious? I want to be friends with you.” He says it like it’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard and Mark feels himself smile once again. He’s only met this boy literally a couple of minutes ago and he’s already made him smile more than he did for the past few days. He was about to follow Haechan towards his house when the other suddenly raised his hand to Mark, stopping him in his tracks.

_Did he do something wrong?_

“You need to shower first. I don’t want my room to smell like sweat.” Haechan tells him, making a show of covering his nose but Mark could see the grin he was hiding.

Smart-mouth aside, Mark thinks he and Haechan would get along just fine.

———

“Ah, we don’t have any classes together.” Haechan says with a frown as he looks at Mark’s schedule.

“Lucky me,” Mark comments and laughs at the glare the other gave him in reply. Mark and Haechan ended up getting pretty close to each other during the remaining days before school started. Haechan didn’t really give Mark much of a choice. They exchanged numbers the night they first met and Mark immediately regretted it after he woke up with 15 messages asking the same thing: _Can I come over?_ They spent their time switching from Haechan’s place to the pool in their backyard. During their time together, they found out that they had a lot of similarities with each other. They liked the same movies and songs but for some reason came into an argument when they started talking about chicken and pizza. Mark wouldn’t admit it out loud but the other was like a breath of fresh air in Mark’s stuffy life.

“I’ll just see you during lunch!” Haechan tells him before they part ways. “I have people I want you to meet!”

———

Mark was a little nervous when Haechan mentioned that he was going to introduce him to his friends. What if they didn’t like him? He didn’t like putting himself in a place where he knew he wasn’t wanted.

“What are you talking about again?” Haechan tells him in an annoyed tone, like he could’ve believe Mark was thinking that. “They’re going to like you, trust me.” That doesn’t really assure him much. Haechan looks around the cafeteria and breaks in to a grin when he spots his friends.

“Guys, meet Mark.”

“Hi,“ Mark started, feeling a little uncomfortable with the attention. He didn’t want to screw this up. “It’s nice to meet you.” They sat down and Mark cringes at how awkward he probably came off. He feels Haechan elbow him and he was just about to give him a piece of his mind when the other gave him a smile. You’re okay.

“Oh, hey! We have class together.” Mark tears his attention away from Haechan and looks at the person to his right where the voice came from. Sure enough, his face was familiar.

“Renjun, right?”

“Yeah, nice to meet you too.” Renjun gives him a smile and Mark feels the tension in his shoulders lighten. Haechan explains that they all initially met during middle-school and haven’t really drifted apart ever since then. Mark doesn’t even remember the faces of his classmates in middle-school.

“I hear from Haechan that you want to try-out for the swim team?” The voice came from infront of him. Jaemin, he introduced himself.

“I am,” Mark wasn’t really planning on pushing through with trying-out for the team but he knew not doing so was just going to be more of a hassle. He would have to explain to his father and his step-mom why he didn’t and honestly that was more difficult than trying to make the team. There’s no guarantee that he’ll make it but Mark knew that wasn’t really much of a possibility. On the other hand, if he did bad on purpose he’d have to bear that disappointed look on his father for the rest of the year. “Do you swim too?” He asks before biting on his dry sandwich.

“Yeah, I’m part of the team. I’ll help you out, don’t worry.” Jaemin breaks into a smile and Mark is grateful. “I knew you were familiar! I think I’ve seen you in a swim meet before.” Mark tries his best to recall but fails.

“It’s okay if you can’t remember him,” Renjun quips. “He has a pretty forgettable face.” Haechan and Renjun laugh so loud that had people looking towards their table but no one in their table seemed to mind. Another person arrived at their table and he introduced himself to Mark as Jeno. The other was mostly silent, only adding a few comments with an eye-smile that didn’t seem to leave his face

As for his opinion on all of them, all he could say was that they didn’t make him feel left out at all. They asked him questions and listened to him attentively when he was explaining something. They drifted from topic to topic, talking about basically anything under the sun and laughing whenever someone said something funny. They talked and talked until the bell rang, signalling lunch was over. They bid each other goodbye as they all went their separate ways towards their rooms, with plans of meeting each-other after school. Mark and Renjun talked on the way back to their room together and Mark thought that high-school might not be too bad after all.

He went about the rest of the day feeling light and happy that it almost made him forget about a certain person.

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! Comments are always appreciated but please be kind.
> 
> I don't really know when I'll finish the next chapter. Writing is so hard. (ಥ﹏ಥ)
> 
> Stay safe, everyone!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hope you like the second chapter and I just want to thank you for continuing on to read this little project of mine.
> 
> I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors and misspellings. Also, not really a writer so forgive me if I ever make you cringe. Lol.

Mark resurfaces from the water, panting hard, and was met with loud cheers from the spectators watching from the bleachers. He removes his goggles along with his swimming cap as he raises his head towards the scoreboard.

He sees his name at the top spot and breaks into a grin while pumping his fist in the air.

 _First place._ What a way to end his last year in high-school.

The other swimmers emerge just a few moments after him but still, there was an evident difference in their time compared to Mark’s. They all anticipated this right from the start.

No one expected less from the captain and star of the swim team.

Their school’s team was already good to start with. But when Mark was added to the team, along with Jaemin who has shown great improvement compared to his previous records, they became better. They won back-to-back competitions since then and the both of them quickly became known not only in swimming competitions but throughout the school.

Mark pulls himself up from the pool and was met with his teammates congratulating him for the win. He also had some of his opponents thank him for giving them a good challenge until their coach pulled him and Jaemin to the side.

“Good job, kids.” Their coach says while patting their backs. “We’re losing two of our best athletes this year.” He says earnestly and Jaemin gives a snort in reply.

“I know it’s going to be difficult but coach, please don’t cry,” He says in a teasing tone and Mark laughs as their coach started patting the other’s back too hard. _I was joking,_ Jaemin replies as he tries to pull himself away from the coach’s iron grip. The man was beyond harsh during training but Mark and Jaemin both had the outmost respect for him, he really helped the both of them to become better in the sport.

“Heard you guys are going to the same university?” His coach said and they both nodded.

Actually, everyone in their group was going to the same university. He had some of their schoolmates who were outside their group laugh at them when they told them they were going to stick together until college. People didn’t think they were serious but they absolutely were. They made a pact with each other and they were all intent on going through with it. They have become that close in the past 3 years. “Well, it’s a pretty good university so good luck. The university’s coach is a good friend of mine, I’ll let him know in advance to give you hell.” He says with a wink before going along his way.

They direct their attention towards the bleachers and wave as they spot the faces they were looking for. Haechan and Renjun were holding what looks like a banner with the words _’Fighting!’_ along with a not-so flattering picture of Mark and Jaemin. Jeno was trailing behind them, camera in hand with that ever present eye-smile of his.

“Is it just me or is there a lot of people watching today?” He takes a look around and didn’t know a lot of people were this in to swimming.

“It’s your last game,” Haechan gives him a smile. “Most of them are here for you.”

“Hey! It’s my last game too!” Jaemin exclaims, stomping his feet.

“Who asked?” Jaemin tackles the other in retaliation, ruffling his wet hair in Renjun’s face and making the front of his shirt wet. Renjun complains loudly but Mark doesn’t miss the slight smile on his face.

“Excuse me,“ Mark feels a gentle tap on his shoulder and finds a girl in front of him. “You were amazing and—I just want to—,“ Mark was having a little trouble trying to completely hear what she was trying to say so he took a step closer to her in order to hear her better. Suddenly the other girls behind her, who he presumed were her friends, squeal. A letter was thrust into his hands and he looks at it in question. Before he can speak, the girl was already headed to the exit along with her friends who were busy still squealing and talking to themselves. He opens it and sees a small notes along with a number. He turns towards his friends who were all looking at him teasingly.

“What?” A smile was tugging on his lips.

“Wasn’t that Solbin?” Jeno asks.

“She’s the hottest in our year!” Jaemin says with a pout. “Can’t believe she chose you over this,” He makes an exaggerated show of flexing his arms and Mark sees everyone, surprisingly including Jeno, roll their eyes.

“So,”

“So?” Mark parrots back at Renjun.

“Are you gonna call her?” Haechan asks, eyes bright. Everyone was looking at him, anticipating for his answer.

“Maybe,” Mark replies with smile on his lips as the rest of them grin at him.

Mark grew up pretty well. He lost all baby-fat in his face and grew taller. He was slim but not weak, he was all lean muscle which he attributes mainly to the training he has put his body through. That and how he stayed humble all this time, most of the time just keeping to his friends but never hesitating when someone asked for his help, has made him quite popular in school. But most of all, what changed the most was Mark’s mentality. He became more sure of himself, he didn’t try to hide himself from people or situations anymore.

He became more confident and Mark knew that he owe that to his friends. They were the reason why Mark was able to break out of the protective wall he built around himself. At first he was cautious about opening up to them so he didn’t right away and Mark was surprised when they didn’t push him to, at all. They all had him take his time and when he was ready, they listened to him wholeheartedly and didn’t leave him afterwards. It wasn’t just for Mark though, they all shared their worries and troubles with each other which made their bond stronger. They had each other’s back no matter what and he was grateful to them for it.

However, if there was one person whom he was most thankful for, it was Haechan. If he didn’t meet the other, he’s absolutely sure that his life won’t be the way it is now. Haechan appeared at a time where Mark was in dire need of someone. To put it simply, he was exactly the friend Mark just needed, even if Haechan has made it his life mission to annoy Mark each chance he gets.

“We still on for tonight, right?” Jeno asks as they made their way out of the gym, Mark and Jaemin fresh out of the shower and in civilian clothes. They planned eating out today as a celebration for Mark and Jaemin’s win but the both of them know that the others just want to take advantage of the situation for another free dinner at their expense.

“Actually,” Mark starts as they got near Jeno’s car and they all turn towards him. “Ji-eun messaged me a couple of minutes ago, told me we’re eating out tonight,” Mark checked his messages after putting in Solbin’s number and saw a message from his step-mom.

_‘Dinner out later tonight, I’ll just pick you up. xx’_

“You owe us one, Mark!” They all call out from Jeno’s car as Mark waves at them. He stood there waiting for her, not really getting bored as a couple of people he knew happened to see him, making conversation and congratulating him for the win.

“You going to the party on Saturday, Mark?”

“I’m still thinking about it,” Mark says and they try to persuade him to come when a familiar car just pulls up a few feet away from them. He bids them goodbye and goes towards the car.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to watch the match, honey. Had to attend an important meeting at the office today.” Ji-eun says with a frown and Mark can tell that the woman was sincere.

After 3 years, Mark has grown a lot closer to the woman, believe it or not. It wasn’t to the point that he tells her everything that’s on his mind because he has his friends for that but they do talk often now. She treats Mark very well, asking him about school without pressing him at all unlike his father and she takes the time and effort to be present in Mark’s matches.

Since his father was always busy at work and working late, it was always him and Ji-eun since she was in the house most of the time. At first, he had a hard time from how persistent she is on a lot of things but he got used to the woman.

“No worries,” Mark replies as he opens the door to the passenger seat. He sets his bag on the back and puts on his seatbelt.

“How was it?” Ji-eun asks, genuinely interested.

“Great, we won.” Mark replies, grinning.

“Of course you did,” Ji-eun removes one hand on the steering wheel to touch pat Mark’s hair. “Good job, kiddo!” He thanks her and Mark directs his attention outside the window, watching as the streetlights flicker on.

_Man, time flies fast. Graduation’s literally just a week away now._

“Where are we eating?”

“You know that new steakhouse I told you about last week?” Mark nods, stomach already grumbling at thought of biting into a delicious slab of steak. He always gets so hungry after matches. Ji-eun looks at the time, “If I’m not wrong he’s already there.”

“Dad? I thought he’s working late again?” Mark says a little confused. He bounces his leg and plays with his phone, twirling it around his hands, trying to treat his restlessness from the adrenaline rush he usually gets after matches. He just knows he’s gonna crash the moment his head meets his bed later.

“He’s been working late too often nowadays, isn’t he?” Mark doesn’t miss the sadness in her tone but she quickly changes her expression. “Wait, didn’t I tell you in the message I sent you?” Mark shakes his head. “Johnny’s home.”

Mark drops his phone and feels his heart stop. “I thought he and his friends were planning a trip around Asia?” He picks him phone back up and tries to remain nonchalant but his heart’s beating a little too fast.

“Apparently, one of his friends lost his passport or something so they ended up not going anymore,” Ji-eun says with a laugh. “I’m not saying it’s great what happened but at least we get to see him! Isn’t that nice?” Excitement was laced in her voice.

“Yeah, just great.” Mark tries not to let the tone in his voice reveal what he’s feeling.

The last time Mark saw Johnny was _that_ day. He wasn’t actively trying to avoid the older— okay, maybe a little bit. But believe it or not, them not meeting was just the result of pure coincidence.

The first year Johnny went to college, he didn’t go home during the holidays because according to him, the traffic was already a nightmare before he even entered the freeway. Then summer came and Ji-eun gave them the news that Johnny was amongst those picked to represent their university for a seminar in Japan.

The following year, Ji-eun and his father ended up driving to Johnny instead of the older going home. Thankfully, Mark had a legitimate reason not to go with them since he had training. He must admit, he was a little curious about how the other was doing but he knew he was just going to be a bother. Ji-eun and his father went home a few days after, telling Mark how busy Johnny was with school and that they shouldn’t expect him to be coming home anytime soon.

The only time Johnny went home was last summer. He stayed for a few days and Mark wasn’t home. Haechan had invited all of their friends to stay at their summer home and they spent that week enjoying themselves at the beach and driving through town. Mark smiles at the great memories he had when they were there. He went home sun-burnt, tired but extremely happy.

“He was actually looking for you, he told me he misses his little brother.” Ji-eun says after helping Mark apply aloe vera on his sun-burnt skin, the latter hissing at how bad it stings. Mark resists the urge to laugh from how impossible that was. Instead, Mark replies with sadness in his voice at how he wished Johnny could’ve gone home a week earlier so they could’ve seen each other. Ji-eun seems happy at his reply and Mark thinks how he hates lying but they’re both doing this for her to be happy.

His minds reels to _that_ day and Mark remembers the hurt he felt, not even having the energy to eat. But that’s in the past now and Mark has trained himself not to dwell on those memories. He’s gone a long way already but he must admit there were times when he can’t really resist stalking Johnny. But there’s nothing wrong with that, right? He was just _curious._

Mark would browse his Instagram profile and look at his posts. He had quite a number of pictures on his account and most of them were taken from a film camera. He had pictures of himself and mostly of his friends partying or at the beach. There were also just pictures of landscapes, skylines and just random things but it was obvious that Johnny had and eye for photography. No matter the subject, the pictures always turned out great.

He remembers one time when Johnny posted a video of himself and his friends at a party and Mark admits that he looked so good in that video. He just had on a black shirt and was smiling wide at the camera, taking clips of himself and his friends. There was a little clip of someone suddenly entering the frame and kissing Johnny on the cheeks as he laughs out loud and Mark tries to tell himself he felt nothing about that short clip.

He sees the city lights gleam in the distance and remember the vow he told himself. He doesn’t care if Johnny hates him, he knows that he didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t his choice that Johnny’s mom married his father, that was something out of Mark’s control so he’s not going to let himself feel like it’s his fault.

Mark grew up, he wasn’t the same as before and he’s going to show Johnny just that. He’s not going to give the other the opportunity to mess with his feelings and mind anymore. Not like he’d be able to at this point, Mark knows Johnny’s true personality now. If he curses at him or whatever, he’s not going to bite back. Johnny’s nothing to him just as Mark’s nothing to Johnny.

“We’re here.” They arrived at the restaurant and it was a little packed since it was a weekend. They enter the place and the waitress tells them to go ahead after Ji-eun tells her that they already have a reservation.

Mark is annoyed at how quickly he was able to spot Johnny. He had his back to them but Mark just _knew_ that it was him.

“Johnny!” Ji-eun calls out to him when they were near. Johnny turns around and Mark’s breath hitches.

Seems like Mark wasn’t the only one who changed.

Johnny looked like he grew even taller, if that was even possible. He was wearing a white polo shirt and Mark is reminded once again the first time they met. But he was obviously different now, he was broader and just generally bigger. His hair was a little shorter compared to then and Mark noticed that he was sporting a lighter shade now which definitely suits him. Too much, even. His eyes— well his eyes seem a little tired but they looked a little calmer compared to then.

He’s seems different now.

“Mom!” Johnny stands up from his seat to give her a hug and he _definitely_ grew taller as Mark watches as Johnny tucks her under his chin.

“Hey, Mark. Johnny says with a smile and _fuck_ , Mark suddenly doesn’t know how to speak when Johnny suddenly pulls him into a hug. “Long time no see, little brother.” Johnny whispers near his ear and Mark fights the urge to shiver.

“H-Hey, Johnny-hyung,” Mark clears his throat afterwards and ignores how it feels a colder when the older pulls away from the hug. They sit down and Mark just grabs the seat nearest to him, not noticing that he took the seat next to Johnny’s. The waitress gives them the menu and Mark tries to make himself look busy.

He _really_ hates how Mark just reverted to his past self the moment Johnny appeared.

“How are you, Mark?” Johnny asks him after they get their orders taken. Mark sees him looking at him with those eyes again, like they’re the only one in the room. Mark realizes that he’s let his thoughts trail on without saying anything so he had to he mentally slap himself to wake himself up. He needs to get it together. He wasn’t that stupid that he’s willing to get himself fooled twice.

“I’m great. How’s university, hyung?” Mark says, giving him a wide smile. Two can definitely play at this game. He sees Johnny’s smile drop a little bit and Mark considers it a win. If he expected Mark to shy away from him once again then he’s wrong.

“It’s been great.” Johnny replies. “I mean, it’s stressful most of the time but I always manage.” He says with a wink as Ji-eun laughs.

“Mark actually had a competition today,” Ji-eun says and Johnny turns towards Mark again and he doesn’t want to admit it out loud but he’s starting to like the attention. _As long as it’s from him._ “He won first place.” She was beaming with pride.

“I’m not surprised.” Johnny says, still not tearing his eyes away from Mark. “Heard you’re also the team captain?”

“I am.” Mark says, meeting Johnny’s gaze.

“Mark never knows how to disappoint, does he?” There wasn’t a trace of sarcasm in his voice but something else Mark can’t put a finger on.

“Never.” Mark say firmly and enjoys how he sees the other’s eyes widen a fraction. His eyes briefly land on Johnny’s lips and he unconsciously licks his own. _He’s so close._

“Oh, your father won’t be able to make it.” Mark jumps when Ji-eun suddenly exclaimed, he takes a look at her and breathed a sigh of relief when she looked like she’s been on her phone the whole time Johnny and him were _talking._

Or whatever that was.

What was that? He didn’t know what came to him. He just didn’t want to back down as he felt like Johnny was trying to challenge him. _But why did it feel like something more?_

“Oh, how come?” Mark wants to scoff at how Johnny didn’t even bother to pretend that hide the indifference in his voice.

“You already know the answer to that,” Mark says under his breath and he hears Johnny scoff beside him.

“You know how he loves work,” She says it with a smile but the sadness in her tone is evident. Thankfully, their food came at the same exact moment and it broke the tension for a bit.

“Graduation’s in a week,” Johnny says as he takes a slice off of his steak. “Which university are you going to?”

Mark dreaded this question.

“He’s going to be going to the same university as you, honey.” Ji-eun says with a smile, answering for Mark and he doesn’t need to look at Johnny to feel his stare.

In Mark’s defense, he didn’t really plan on going to the same university as Johnny. It just so happened that it was what his friends ended up deciding on. When they were discussing the universities that were their top choices, Mark wasn’t with them. Well, not that he had a strong opinion about the subject, he knows he’ll end up wherever it is they wanted to go since he knew that they’re not going to pick a bad university. Also, with Jaemin with them, he knows they’re gonna consider picking one with a good swim team because he knows Jaemin’s going to nag them until he gets what he wants.

When they told him the university everyone agreed on, Mark’s eyes widened when he realized why it was so familiar. It was the university Johnny was attending. They all were all looking at him expectantly and it really didn’t seem that Mark had a choice. He also knew that all of his friends were already dead-set on attending this college and if he said no, they’re just going to end up trying to convince him anyway.

And it was _really_ a good school. Not only was it a great school for his major, they had a good campus and were known for having a good swim team. The fact that he was offered a scholarship from the school didn’t hurt in deciding that it was worth it.

Telling his friends not wanting to go to that school because he was avoiding his step-brother was not a valid reason too. They didn’t know about his issue with Johnny, anyway. It was nothing.

But Mark is starting to slowly realize that it’s never been just nothing when it came to Johnny.

Seems like he hasn’t changed at all like he told himself.

“Yeah, all my friends made a promise of going to the same university. It just happened that the one they decided on was the same one you're attending.” Mark was rambling, trying to reason it out and Johnny just hums in response.

It wasn’t like they were going to see each other for long at university since Johnny’s graduating the same year Mark starts his first year of college. Also, his major was different from Johnny’s and the campus was large so the chances of them bumping into each other is slim. He had quite a lot of time thinking about this.

“That reminds me,” Ji-eun starts. “Johnny, you told me your roommate is graduating.” Mark doesn't like where this is going.

“Yeah,” Johnny says reluctantly and Mark has an inkling that he also knows where this conversation is steering. “But—“

“Then Mark will live with you!” Ji-eun says it with a clap of her hands, eyes wide just like when she thinks she just had the brightest idea.

“No, it’s fine, I’m going to—“ Mark’s mind is all over the place, he’s thinking of everything to get out of this situation.

“Don’t be silly. He lives in a good apartment not too far from campus,” Ji-eun says with a wave of her hand. “It’ll also save you the trouble of finding for a place.” At this point nothing can change her mind. “What do you think, Johnny?” Mark risks a glance towards the older beside him who hasn’t spoken a word.

“Sure.” The answer was clipped and Mark feels his world crumble.

_It’s going to be a long year._

_———_

Mark looks at the clock on his bedside table. _9:20 AM._ Contrary to what he said last night, he had such a hard time and he blames it on a certain person.

He can’t believe he’s going to be living with Johnny for the year. How the hell did it come to this? Mark didn’t speak after that and they all went home afterwards. Johnny immediately went to his room last night, no doubt tired from driving so Mark didn’t have the chance to fully explain to him that this wasn’t what he wanted too. Nothing about this was meant to happen, Mark didn’t wish for this.

Did he use out all his luck or something?

Mark hears a knock on his door and quickly gets up in to a sitting position. A head appears from behind the door and Mark breathes a sigh of relief, it’s just Haechan.

“What’s up?” Haechan tells him as he lies down beside Mark, grabbing the other down with him and using his arm as a pillow. Haechan was bringing his game console, playing and at the same time telling Mark about what he missed last night which wasn’t much. Apparently, the only funny thing that happened was Jaemin accidentally spilling milkshake all over himself and Jeno. Mark wished he was there instead of at the dinner he had last night.

“I see an extra car in the drive-way. Johnny-hyung’s home?” He asks and Mark nods.

“Yeah, just arrived last night.”

“Where does he go again?” Mark tells him his university and Haechan exclaims how nice of a coincidence it was that they were going to be attending the same university. _Yeah, nice._

“How come you never told me? That’s cool!”

“Yeah, cool.” Mark repeats, mind a little distant. “Ji-eun is making me live with him,” He says after a beat then explaining further that she told them that it was more convenient.

“That’s true.” Haechan says as he tips his head to meet Mark’s eyes. Not really the kind of support he was looking for but he knows Haechan is just speaking the truth. Also, he's not gonna be able to use his arm after this from how Haechan is practically cutting off the blood flow on his arm but he doesn't mind. He was still too comfortable to move. “Saves you time trying to look for a place. Also, you don’t have to worry that your roommate might seriously kill you in your sleep if you accidentally end up spilling water over their sketchbook again.” That was a little too accurate.

“Wait, aren’t you going to live with Renjun?”

“Yes, pray for me.” Haechan says and Mark snorts.

“Just curious,” Mark doesn't know why he's asking this question. “You close with Johnny-hyung?”

“Back before he went to university? Not much since he was a little older and had his own friends. He was friendly to me, though. He’d say hello when we see each other and he’d sometimes make small talk.” Haechan says with a shrug and Mark feels a little jealous. He grew up with Johnny living beside their house and the older doesn’t have a reason to hate him, either. “Why’d you ask?”

“Nothing,” Mark said and Haechan hums.

“He hasn’t been home in like 3 years, right?”

“Yeah, he just suddenly appeared.” Mark replies.

“Maybe he went home for your graduation.” Haechan says. “You’re his brother, after all.”

“Step-brother.” Mark says a little too fast and he wonders if Haechan can hear how fast his heart is beating. “But I don’t think so.” Mark tries to steer the conversation away.

_That can’t be true, right?_

“I lost!” Haechan suddenly exclaims, breaking Mark’s thoughts. He looks over to what the other is playing and sees the words ‘Game Over’ on the screen. Haechan proceeds to grumble over losing the game, so clueless over the fact that he just gave Mark so much to think about from those simple words.

“You suck.” Haechan stick his tongue out at him and Mark just rolls his eyes in return.

———

Mark wakes up a few hours later to see Haechan draped over him, deep in sleep. He brushes his hand over Haechan’s hair and looks at his sleeping face.

Haechan was so beautiful. Honey-brown skin, kind eyes and an insanely bright smile.

The world has given him every reason to fall in love with him but for some reason, the feeling doesn’t manifest. Mark loves Haechan but he knows it’s never gonna be more than platonic and that the other knows it too.

Mark imagines himself kissing Haechan and holding him but it just doesn’t do anything for him. He knows he’ll grow up old with the other but not in _that_ way. It’s just weird when he think of Haechan romantically, even a little laughable since they literally see each other as brothers. He’s more of a brother to him than Johnny.

In another life, he’d probably be head over heels in love with Haechan. In another life where he hadn’t met Johnny.

Why did he end up pining of someone who he knows doesn’t care for him at all? Why does he keep on making his life so difficult?

He’s been fighting this feeling for the longest time ever, denying and denying it over and over again but he’s finally accepted it. Probably the reason why he can’t seem to remove Johnny from his mind is because he’s been denying it the whole time. Maybe, when he comes to accept— whatever it is— this feeling will change?

He just hopes it’s going to happen soon but the little voice in his head tells him that it’s going to be near impossible. He was just in too deep at this point.

He tries not to think about it too much and plays with Haechan’s hair absentmindedly. The person he’s going to end up will simultaneously be the luckiest and unluckiest person in the world. Haechan was annoying and persistent— it’s charming and endearing most of the time but not when you’re not in the mood. But that aside, you’ll have the most genuine person by your side who’ll always make you feel that you can handle anything the world gives you.

If anyone ends up breaking his heart, Mark will be right in-front of them, guns blazing and all to fight whoever it is. He hopes it doesn’t get to that point, though. He just hopes that the other person he knows who likes Haechan will finally get the guts to admit his feelings.

He had his doubts for the longest time since they just seemed like opposites which was why he didn’t dig in to it too much. But when the other person confronted Mark to ask if he and Haechan were a thing, a light-bulb seemed to light up in his mind. When Mark vehemently denied it, he didn’t have to ask why the other person asked when he noticed the sigh of relief the other gave out.

He wasn’t one to meddle and he quite enjoys how the both of them dance around each other so he told himself that he’s just going to let them figure it out for themselves. It was amusing since the both of them weren’t exactly subtle but at the same time still so dense.

He wraps a hand around Haechan as the other scoots closer to him. Haechan was and never has been shy about skin-ship and Mark really had no qualms about it since he’s already used to it, but only as long as there wasn’t anyone present. When they’re in public, he tries to reject Haechan as much as possible since a lot of people often get the wrong idea because of how close and comfortable they are with each other.

Haechan’s face was practically mushed to his chest making it a great subject for a funny picture so he snaps a few in various unflattering angles. He checks the ones he took, sending the funniest ones straight-away to their group chat. He presses a gentle kiss on Haechan’s forehead while chuckling at their replies as the door suddenly opens.

Johnny opens the door and sees Mark placing a kiss on Haechan, who was practically on top of him.

“Lunch is ready.” He immediately slams the door afterwards and Haechan jumps awake.

“Who was that?” Haechan asks, rubbing his sleep-ridden eyes and pulling away from Mark.

“Johnny.” Mark says as he stretches. “He said lunch is ready.”

“Lunch?” Haechan was up and out the door while Mark shakes his head at him.

In the brief moment Johnny opened the door, he and Mark met eyes. He saw him direct his attention to Haechan and then back at him before slamming the door. He tries to recall the expression Johnny was wearing when he found Haechan and Mark’s position.

He looked irritated. He has already shown Mark an irritated expression before but he thinks for a moment that it wasn’t directed to him this time. Was it for Haechan?

“Mark— let’s eat!” Haechan shouts from downstairs as Mark gets out of his bed.

“Wait up!” Mark calls and heads downstairs to find just Ji-eun and Haechan already eating and talking amongst themselves. “I told you to wait for me!” Haechan looks up at him, mouth already full of food.

“You were too slow.” He says with a shrug and Ji-eun laughs at the both of them. Haechan’s definitely becoming too comfortable in this house, which he didn’t mind and he knows Ji-eun also welcomes the other no matter the day.

“He told me one of his friends suddenly called him up for lunch,” Ji-eun says. “He just left. Don’t worry about him, sweetheart. Let’s eat.” Mark takes the seat beside Haechan who was already on his second piece of chicken.

“I’m not worried about him,” Mark says with a huff and doesn’t see the questioning look Haechan gives him.

The afternoon was spent in the backyard. Haechan was currently lazily floating around the pool in an inflatable bed while Mark was lying in one of the poolside chairs, looking through his phone. Music was playing on the speakers Haechan brought over and it was a pretty relaxing set-up. They tried inviting the others over but they were too busy with their own things.

“They’re going to the party at Dohyun’s place tomorrow night, right?” Mark asked.

“Yeah,” Haechan says, rolling over and making a splash on the pool. “You going?” Haechan asks after resurfacing.

“Still thinking about it.” Mark says with a shrug.

“Please, you know you’re gonna end up going.” Haechan says with a roll of his eyes. “Solbin’s gonna be there,” He says with a grin but then pauses for a moment. “I hear Dawon’s gonna be there too, you know.” Haechan wriggles his brows and Mark raises his head from the article he was reading on his phone.

Dawon was someone he met during their first year, he was the same age as Mark and also part of the swim team. They became close after being partners for a school project and it was from then on that they started fooling around with each other. The other was charming and cute and the next thing Mark knew, they were sneaking kisses in the shower rooms after practice and touching each other after everyone has left.

They just kind of used each other to get off, basically. They were teenagers and athletes to boot so they kind of needed an outlet to release their sexual frustration and they found that in each other. The agreement went well because the both of them didn’t have an interest in having a relationship at that time, making it an easy arrangement until Dawon had to transfer schools during their second year of high-school. Their little fling was short-lived but he was a little thankful to the other. Not only did Dawon help Mark with a little bit of stress-relief, he helped Mark answer one of the questions he’s been wondering about himself: that he definitely wasn’t straight.

He remembers when he told his friends about it, expecting a little awkwardness but what he didn’t expect was Renjun and Jaemin suddenly giving Haechan and Jeno money.

“I knew it!” Renjun exclaimed happily.

“I can’t believe I’m in the same team as them and didn’t even notice!” Jaemin wailed. Haechan only clapped Mark’s back and thanked him for helping him win the bet while Jeno laughed at the losers, pocketing the money he won.

“Aren’t you surprised?” Mark stood, mouth a little agape. “Don’t you have anything to say?”

“What’s there to say?” Renjun said with a confused look.

“Congrats?” Jeno said, brows furrowed.

“Dawon’s pretty cute so I can’t really blame you,” Jaemin followed and Mark thought how stupid of him to think that his friends were going to drop him for something just like that.

“Wait, did you fucking make a bet over me?” They all laughed at him as Mark pretended to be insulted. He ended up getting free ice cream from the bet money Haechan and Jeno won so that night ended up more than well.

“He’s here?” Mark says and Haechan doesn’t miss the interest in his tone.

“Got here 2 days ago, saw it from his Instagram story. He’s apparently visiting and I’m pretty sure he’s gonna go to the party.” Haechan says. “Didn’t tell you ‘cause I didn’t think you’d be interested. Seems like I was wrong.” Haechan says in a teasing tone as he pushes off the ledge of the pool.

Mark definitely wants to drown Haechan now. He rises from his comfortable spot under the umbrella shade and dives into the pool to tackle Haechan in the water.

“I was just joking!” Haechan says as Mark tries to dunk his head underwater. Haechan was able to get away from Mark and now they’re just splashing water at each other while laughing their heads off. “I didn’t know you’re still interested in Dawon!”

“Who’s Dawon?” Johnny suddenly appears in front of them, standing by the pool’s ledge and wearing sunglasses with a book in hand. Mark didn’t notice that he was already home. Mark had to squint to get a proper look at him since the was shining brightly above them. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and he definitely filled out during the years.

“Just a friend.” Mark says defensively and Johnny just hums in response.

“Johnny-hyung!” Haechan exclaims with a wide grin. “Long time no see!”

“What’s up, Haechan!” He gives Haechan a wide-smile as the younger swims towards him. Mark watches them do a handshake and nope, he doesn’t want to admit he’s even the least bit of jealous. “Heard you guys are going to my university?”

“We are!” Haechan tells him. “Isn’t that great?”

“It is,” Johnny says with a smile and Mark doesn’t know what he’s thinking again. He sees Haechan get out the pool and go to towards Johnny to talk. Mark tries to busy himself by floating on the inflatable bed until he feels like he’s had enough of water already.

“Haechan, I’m gonna go take a shower already,” He tells Haechan as he passes by them, they were still busy talking and he’s always been amazed at how Haechan is able to be comfortable with anyone no matter what the situation is.

“Is that an invite?” Haechan asks him and Johnny’s eyes widen.

“You wish,” Mark scoffs as he grabs his towel draped over the chair.

“Are you guys—“ Johnny started and Mark looks at him.

“Me and Mark?” Haechan cuts him off. “Yeah, have been for like 2 years already,” Haechan at that moment hooks an arm around Mark and gives him a sloppy kiss.

“Dude!” Mark complains, making a show of wiping his cheek. Johnny was looking at them a little stiff until Haechan told him it was a joke.

“I’m kidding,” Haechan is busy laughing and Mark thinks he doesn’t realize that’s he the only one doing that. Mark watches Johnny expression and sees him give a nervous chuckle. Huh.

“I thought you guys were together.” Johnny replies and he’s looking at Mark now with a curious expression. _Why does he care, anyway?_

“We’re not, I don’t even wanna imagine it.” Haechan says, looking like he just ate something bad. “Anyway, that was fun but I need to go now. It was nice catching up with you, hyung!” Haechan says to Johnny and they did their handshake agains. He tells Mark after that he’ll message him and just like that he’s gone, leaving the both of them alone in the backyard.

Mark was about to go upstairs when Johnny suddenly called him unexpectedly.

“Can you get my back?” Mark turns to him, questioningly and sees Johnny holding a bottle of sunblock on one hand.

“Sure,” Mark says reluctantly as he set his things back on the chair. He watches as Johnny lifts up his shirt and why does his throat suddenly feel a little dry? Johnny sits back down with his back to Mark and he tries not to flinch when they hands touched when Johnny passed him the bottle.

“You excited for college?” Johnny asked him and Mark whatever it is he’s trying to do. Why is he making small talk and asking him to touch him? Doesn’t he hate Mark?

“I am.” Mark was feeling a little light-headed, from the heat or from the anticipation that he’s going to be feeling Johnny’s toned back underneath his fingers. Maybe both. He pops open the cap of the sunscreen bottle and ignores how his hands are shaking. He smoothes his hands down the broad plains of Johnny’s shoulders and he is grateful that the older is not facing him, Mark feels all the blood has gone towards his face. And in his shorts.

Music was playing softly in the background and Mark’s mind was starting to drift into unsafe territories. He imagines holding on the other’s shoulders as he completely envelopes Mark underneath him. He thinks about gripping his tapered waist, digging his fingers into the hard muscle and see his skin redden from the pressure. He wants mark him up, litter his body with scratches and bruises that every time he— or anyone— sees him without his shirt they’ll know that he’s taken.  
Mark doesn’t realize that he’s been pressing a little too hard on his lower back until the older slightly arches his back along a questionable sound. Mark pulls his hands away from Johnny’s skin as if burnt and immediately grabs his things. “Done,” Mark says in a clipped tone, already headed upstairs and not caring what Johnny thinks about his quick exit. Staying any longer than that and Mark was definitely going to embarrass himself beyond belief.

He quickly makes his way towards the bathroom and nearly trips trying to get his clothes off. He barely makes it to the shower and immediately wraps a hand around his cock, releasing a whine at how good it felt. He came not long after that with hands desperately wishing to seek purchase on strong shoulders. Sadly, he had to settle with the bathroom wall to keep himself from doubling over instead. Mark opens his eyes, dazed and breathing heavily, trying not to think of how embarrassingly quick he came with his hyung’s name on his lips.

He is so _fucked._

_———_

Mark came home a little before midnight, a little tipsy but not entirely drunk. He knew he wasn’t really good with handling his liquor so he tried not to get carried away with drinking much. He can’t say the same thing for his friends, though.

Haechan could barely stand on his own so he had Jeno carry him all the way to the car and afterwards to his house. Driving became a little bit of a challenge for Jeno since Haechan started clinging onto his neck the moment they got into the car and didn’t let go at all afterwards no matter how hard they tried to separate him from the other. Mark snickers since he’s gonna have a swell time teasing Haechan about it and if he tells Mark that he doesn’t remember, he has videos as proof on his phone.

Renjun, on the other hand, wasn’t any different. When they were about to leave, Renjun had to make a stop just to puke with a laughing but still very worried Jaemin patting his back. Mark just watched everything unfold with a smile on his face and his camera on one hand. He has so much black-mail material.

In other words, the party was awfully fun and Mark was glad he ended up going. Before everyone started getting super drunk, meeting at the party gave them all the opportunity to say good bye to the people who made their high-school years.

And just like what Haechan said, Dawon was indeed there. He bumped into the other on purpose while he was busy pouring himself a drink and when Dawon realized it was just Mark, the other practically jumped on his arms. They talked and talked, telling stories and just catching up with each other until they found themselves in one of the empty rooms in Dohyun’s house.

“So, did you meet someone?" Dawon asked after they were done, zipping his pants up in the process.

“What do you mean?”

“You don't have to lie to me, Mark.” Dawon said with a roll of his eyes as he sat beside Mark, who was still a little reeling from the amazing blowjob he just got. The other boy was really good with his mouth. “Do I know them?”

“I don’t get what you mean?” Mark props himself on his elbows to look questioningly at the other. Dawon looked absolutely hot, lips red and shiny from spit and his hair a little disheveled from how Mark was gripping it a while ago and he wonders if the other still has time.

“You’re not exactly subtle,” Dawon says as he stood up to go towards the dresser, fixing his hair in front of the mirror and trying his best to make himself look presentable. “You’re here but your mind was definitely elsewhere.”

“Sorry,” Mark says apologetically. _Was he that easy to read?_

“Well, I don’t really mind. It was great and I still came so,” Dawon says with a laugh and Mark breathes a sigh of relief. “Who’s the lucky person?”

“There’s no one,” Mark says unconvincingly and Dawon hums.

“If you say so,” He says, standing up and going in front of Mark, tipping his head and kissing him. Mark was about to grab him back towards the bed but Dawon was already headed to the door. “It was nice seeing you again, Mark.”

“You too,” This was probably the last time they’re going to see each other. He’s going to miss the guy.

“Good luck with college and I hope you sort whatever it is you’re thinking about.” He throws him a wink. “Call me when you’re home for the holidays, I might visit again!” He adds before closing the door and Mark only laugh in return.

Now, he was home and he’s currently trying to remove his shoes without making a lot of noise. His hands slip and one of his shoes land with a loud sound but it wasn’t enough to wake anyone up, he hopes. He makes his way towards the kitchen for a drink and nearly drops his glass when he suddenly hears a voice. He doesn’t even need to open the light or look at the person to know whose voice it was.

“Had fun?” Johnny was sitting near the window, lamp light illuminating his features. Mark thought it was a little funny, he looked like those villain in one of those cliché action movies when they’re about to reveal their identity to the main character. _Ah, maybe he is a little drunk._

“I did.” Mark winces as Johnny opens the lights, it was too bright. He sees Johnny go near him and sees his gaze directed at his neck. He remembers Dawon kissing and sucking bruises on that side of his neck so that’s what Johnny’s probably looking at. Actually, he probably looks like a mess now. He didn’t have the time to make himself presentable since the moment Dawon went out, Jaemin was already telling him that they need to go since Renjun and Haechan were already too shit-faced to function.

His hands tried to fix his jacket to cover some of the bruises but he knows they’re still visible. _Actually, fuck it. Let him see._

“Yeah, I can see that.” Johnny says with his brows raised like he’s judging Mark.

“Is there a problem?” Mark challenges, meeting Johnny’s eye.

“Just had to make sure you got home safe.” _What? Did he hear that right?_ “Wouldn’t really want you doing anything stupid.” And just like that, Mark’s pissed again.

“Why do you care, anyway?”

“I don’t.” Johnny says and Mark deflates a little bit. “Your dad called in a favour to make sure you got home, nothing more and nothing less.”

Mark stands there, a little embarrassed at thinking Johnny actually cared for him. In order to save a little bit of his pride, although it was mostly because he has nothing to say anymore, he turns his back on Johnny without saying a word and heads up to his room.

He’s too fucking tired to deal with him.

———

Johnny fucked up. _Again._

Haechan had mention to him the other day that they were going to go to a party and Johnny didn’t really care since they’re practically adults now. But when he saw Mark on the way out the house wearing jeans that looked too tight emphasizing his slim legs and a shirt with too many buttons unbuttoned showing too much skin in Johnny's opinion, he just had to make sure that Mark got home. _And alone._

He has been staying in the living room ever since dinner ended and he didn’t want to openly admit that he was waiting for the younger. He was on his phone when he heard the tell-tale sign of someone going in the front door and Johnny tried to listen on if there was another unwanted pair of shoes accompanying Mark but thankfully, there was none.

He doesn’t even know what he’ll do if he saw someone with Mark. The younger stumbles a little bit on the way to the kitchen and that’s when Johnny spoke up, making his presence known.

He opens the light and sees Mark wince from the sudden change in brightness and—

_Oh._

If he looked absolutely enticing before he went to the party, Mark now absolutely more delectable. His cheeks was flushed and hair a little disheveled which just only made him look better. He looked like he was a little dazed, no doubt from the alcohol but Johnny noted that he didn’t look entirely drunk. _Good boy._

His eyes drift to his lips and that’s when he spotted the marks. There were bruises littering his neck and Johnny for a moment feels anger bubble inside him.

He wanted nothing more in that moment to drag Mark into his lap and cover those bruises with his own. He wants to mess Mark up a little more, to cover and erase every evidence of the person who did that to him. He wanted Mark to be covered up with traces of him and him only.

Johnny doesn’t know when this particular feeling really started but if he really thinks about it, it probably started the moment he laid eyes on the other at the restaurant.

Ever since he was a kid, it has only been his mom and him. His mom’s work paid her enough that they didn’t really have to worry about anything financially and they were, in general, very happy. So, it came to surprise to him when she suddenly told him that she was going to be remarrying. He was so against the fact that he refused to talk to her for a whole week but eventually, he came to realize how selfish it was of him to not think about his mom’s feelings. Thankfully, his mom forgave him after that since she understood why he reacted that way, he was so lucky to have an understating mother like her. So Johnny, being guilty about it all, ended up making a promise that he’s going to be at his best when they meet the man she was remarrying and his son. She was his only family and the idea of making his mom upset after all the things she has done for him didn’t really sit right with Johnny.

He had an initial plan of just faking it but when he started to get to know the kid, Johnny became inexplicable drawn to him. He wished that he would end up being really annoying or something so that Johnny would have a reason to hate him but he was so wrong. The kid was practically an angel, it was impossible not to like him. Sure, he was quiet and very unsure about himself but it was just because he grew up with that emotionally constipated father of his.

Before Johnny knew it, he was completely enamoured with the kid to the point that it became unhealthy.

He listened to everything what Johnny told him with so much attentiveness and he also did everything Johnny asked him. He remembers the look he gave Johnny when he said that the younger should enter the swim team. He looked so determined to make him proud.

Johnny knew that he was just doing that to get the approval of his _older step-brother_ but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t like the little bit of power he had over the other. It took everything in Johnny not to abuse it.

Mark would look at him with those bright eyes and Johnny could barely control himself. When he realized what he truly felt for the younger, he was already in deep.

He wanted to _ruin_ him.

He felt insanely guilty when Mark would look at him with those innocent eyes filled with so much adoration. The younger would probably run the other way and not talk to him when he knew what was running in Johnny’s mind.

So, instead of dealing with his own feelings, he made the other hate him. He thought that if Mark didn’t look at him with those eyes anymore, he won’t feel anything for the younger. _God, he was so stupid._

He thought he was completely past what he felt for the other after not seeing him for a long time and being busy with university but when he saw Mark, he came to realize that nothing really changed at all for him.

However, he can’t say the same for Mark. He looked completely different, not only physically but he carried himself differently now. He looked more self-assured and Johnny was proud that he came out of his shell. Confidence looked good on him.

He also looked at him different now, no trace of the adoration Johnny was so used seeing whenever he looks at Johnny, but Johnny knew that was his fault. And when they talk, Mark always backs him up to a corner where he can’t answer without really revealing what he feels. He was pretty fine about it, or so he tells himself. Mark seemed like he was doing more than okay without him and Johnny didn’t like to think how sad that made him feel.

The entire dinner was going pretty fine when his mom suddenly brought up the fact that his roommate moved out. He definitely regrets telling her that now. _How is he going to be able to control himself around Mark when they’re going to be living in the same space?_

Actually, he went home not only to see his mother but with the idea of actually sorting things right with Mark. He was such an _asshole_ , he put the kid in such an unfair situation. He cringes as he remembers the heartbroken look he gave Johnny when he told him he hated him. He practically made it look like that he just played with the younger's feelings when he actually really valued the moments they had with each other. He wanted to apologize to Mark but it was just so difficult to find the perfect time.

He also wanted to be present when Mark receives his diploma but he doesn’t want to openly admit that to anyone.

Now, he just added more fuel to the fire, making it sound like he doesn’t care about Mark when it was the opposite. Honestly, his mother and Mark’s father didn’t even ask him to wait up for the younger, he was doing this because he wanted to see that he was home safe. _And alone_.

He goes upstairs, defeated, and stops right in front of Mark’s door. He considers talking to him now but remembers how the other looked just a while ago. He might end up doing something else, his control was running thin and he was just so _tired_ of it all.

He remembers how irritated and uncomfortable Mark looked at him and he thinks he needs to give the other space since he’s graduating in a week. He should be feeling happy but with Johnny here, he’s probably brewing with anger, reminded of how the older treated him. Seeing Johnny was probably the last thing Mark wanted right now.

And he needs to get out of this house before he ends up doing something he’s going to regret. He needs to give the younger space and he also needs to sort his own issues out before Mark moves in with him.

_It’s going to be a long year._

_———_

“Johnny’s gone?” Mark woke up, head hurting a little bit but it was bearable, nothing a little bit of food and water can't cure. He saw the driveway from the window on the way to the kitchen and saw that Johnny’s car was missing. He expected that the other just went to visit one of his friends again but,

“He left first thing in the morning,” Ji-eun says as she gives Mark his plate. “There was an emergency he didn’t fully explain. He was out in a hurry that I barely had to say good-bye to him.” Ji-eun sits in front of him as Mark absentmindedly toys with his food. “He also told me to tell you that he’s extremely sorry that he won’t be able to make it to your graduation.” Ji-eun rubs his back and Mark gives her a smile that was a little stiff.

“It’s fine.”

 _I don’t care._ Mark wants to say but it lacks bite. He doesn’t think he believes it, either.

He remembers what Haechan told him just a few days ago, that Johnny probably went home for his graduation and him wondering if it was true.

Seems like he just got his answer.

Well, he didn’t expect him to attend, anyway.

_But why does it still hurt?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! Comments are _really really really_ appreciated! They keep me going and if you have any thoughts, please let me hear them! 
> 
> Also, I finally finished the outline for this story and it's going to be 5 chapters. I hope you guys stay until the end, haha. I'm not really sure when I'll be updating for the next chapter. Why is writing super hard? ｡ﾟヽ(ﾟ´Д｀)ﾉﾟ｡
> 
> Stay safe, everyone!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I CANNOT write even the smallest bit of smut to save my life. Anyway, I still hope you guys enjoy this chapter because I kind of really enjoyed writing it.
> 
> I apologize in advance if there are any grammatical mistakes and misspellings, that's all on me.

“Did you bring your whole house?” Renjun complains at Haechan who still has another bag he’s trying to fit in Jeno’s car, pointedly ignoring Renjun. He had a lot more things than the both of Renjun and Jeno combined.

Mark just finished loading the last of his things in Jaemin’s car and he’s a little glad he’s not in the other car. He doesn’t want to imagine a 5-hour drive with Renjun and Haechan who he’s pretty sure are not going to stop talking until they reach the university. Mark was a patient person but even he knows only Jeno can handle the combination of Haechan and Renjun.

It only feels like yesterday when Haechan introduced him to these people and now they’re all going to the same university. He knows they’re still going to be together but the last 3 years in this place was quite a turning point in his life so he can’t help but reminisce about them. He remembers the fond memories they had both in school and in the town; spending lunch break outside when the weather’s good, celebrating out after each swimming competition win and going at each other’s house during weekends.

“We’re going to miss you, kiddo,” Ji-eun says as she gives Mark a hug. “Make sure to do well but don’t forget to have fun!”

“Good luck,” His father says simply with a pat on the back. He knows his father really wasn’t made for these kind of conversations but Mark was still thankful that he took the time to actually send him off. He even made the suggestion of driving him to university which caught Mark a little off-guard. He resisted the urge to chuckle when he saw his father’s relieved face after he told him that he doesn’t need him to because his friends planned that they would drive there together. He knows his father means well but they both know it’s just going to be an insanely uncomfortable ride if they ended up going there together. “Remember to stay safe and don’t forget to call,” He adds with a sincere smile, something which Mark was still getting used to seeing. Ji-eun's energy has been definitely affecting him.

“I’m only going to university, not another country,” Mark says with a roll of his eyes. “I’m still gonna have to come home eventually,” He laughs and Ji-eun gives him another hug.

“That doesn’t mean we’re not going to miss you,” She says, eyes a little red with unshed tears. Never did Mark think that he would become this close to his step-mom. It wasn’t easy taking someone who wasn’t your son under your roof and he will be forever grateful that she has shown him nothing but kindness.

“Mark! Let’s go!” Haechan shouts from Jeno’s car. “We need to avoid traffic!” Mark heads out and gives Ji-eun and his father another wave.

“You ready?” Jaemin asks as they put on their seatbelts.

“I think so,” Mark says with a smile but a million thoughts were already running in his head.

He’s not exactly nervous about university, he’s been ready for it since graduation.

It was the person he’s going to be living for until next year that he’s a little worried about.

———

“You sure you good?” Jaemin asks after helping Mark bring up the last of his things, putting them down near the door to the place he’s going to be staying at for the next 4 years. _Hopefully._

“Yeah, man. Thanks,” Mark says as he momentarily set his bags down. Haechan, Jeno and Renjun already went ahead to their dorms that was slightly far from the apartment Mark’s place. He actually would love Jaemin to stay since he’s not exactly ready to see Johnny alone but he doesn’t want to keep the other. He knows that the other’s probably tired from driving and that he also must have to unpack.

“Alright, I’ll see you in campus!” Jaemin leaves but not before giving him a hug. Mark looks nervously at the apartment door.

After Johnny left, he actually tried reasoning out to Ji-eun that he would like it more if he stayed in a single dorm in campus but there was absolutely _nothing_ he can do to change her mind. He thought about living with Jaemin and Jeno but he knows he’s just going to create unnecessary fuss. He also can’t imagine sleeping in a couch every night, his back would kill him. He thought about looking for another place to stay but if he does that, he knows his saving aren’t going to last since he’ll be paying for both rent and food. There’s also the possibility of Johnny telling Ji-eun and his father that’s he’s not living at the apartment just to piss him off. He doesn’t want to imagine having to explain to them why he’s not staying there, it'll just be troublesome.

In other words, he has nowhere else to go. But on the bright side, he just has to live with Johnny for a year. _I can do this._

Mark knocks on the door since he still doesn’t have a key and waits. Why does no one seem to be behind the door? _Shit._ He pulls out his phone and browses his contacts, seeming like he has no choice but to call Johnny. Ji-eun gave him Johnny’s number just before going and the woman was actually confused when she learned that Mark still didn’t have his number all this time. He had to make-up a reason saying that he accidentally deleted all his contacts when in reality, he’s never had the other’s number. There wasn’t a reason to have it and the older didn’t exactly gave it to him and it’s not like he’s going to ask for it. He was about to press the call button, seeing there was no other option, when the door unlocked.

“Sorry, I was asleep—“ Johnny opened the door looking absolutely _soft._ His shirt was wrinkled and he was currently trying to rub the sleep from his eyes. Mark doesn’t know how someone who stands more than 6 feet can be called _cute._ “Oh, it’s you.”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Mark says, uneasiness dripping in his voice. Not even a minute in and he already wants to run towards the elevator and out the building.

“Well, come in.” Johnny opens the door for him and Mark goes in with his bags. Mark took a look around and he must admit that the apartment looked really nice, it was pretty spacious and it still looked a little new. It had an open kitchen and a decent sized living room.

He took a look at the couch and saw an opened book along with a cup of coffee and judging from how Johnny looked when he opened the door, the older probably was sleeping when Mark arrived.

“You were sleeping?” Mark asks before he can stop himself.

“Yeah, had a late night,” Mark wants to ask doing what but he took a hold himself. Why was he even trying to make small talk?

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” Mark says, just to be polite.

“It’s fine,”

“I hope I get my key soon so I won’t bother you, anymore.” Mark says in a passive tone as Johnny leans near the counter in the kitchen.

“You didn’t really bo— anyway, Taeil-hyung, my previous roommate, forgot to give it back. He said he’ll drop it by tomorrow morning.” Johnny explains while Mark nods. The both of them just stand there until Mark remembers that he needs to put his bags in his room.

“Which one’s my room?” Mark asks, he wants to know where his area is so he can shut himself in it already.

“This one,” Johnny tells him as he opens one of the doors showing him a nearly empty room. There was a cabinet, a small study table and a double sized bed all showing no signs of wear. It was hard not to like the place. Johnny then gives him a small tour of the place, showing him where the things are at the kitchen and how to open the shower in the bathroom.

“You need help?” Johnny asks as he watches Mark carry one of his boxes from the door to his room.

“I’m good,” Mark tells him, trying hard to manuever around the place where he won’t bump into Johnny, which was a little difficult because, _why is he so big and in the middle of the way?_ Mark groans as he drops one of his things after trying to bring them all at once so he won’t have to spend another more minute in Johnny’s presence. “It’s okay, you don’t need to,” Mark tries to explain when Johnny starts picking up his things, pretending not to hear him. He was already holding all of Mark’s bags, which the younger had difficulty handling not too long ago, to his room. Curse him and his long ass arms.

“Thank you,” Mark mutters under his breath, standing by his door, watching Johnny put down his things.

“You’re welcome,” Johnny says as he exits Mark’s room, his shoulder brushing Mark on the way out and it took every inch of Mark not to breathe in his scent. _Or pull him back to his room and push him down the bed._

“Alright,” Mark says with a sigh, he wants to get this over with already. “You don’t have to pretend to be kind to me anymore. Ji-eun’s not here and don't worry, I won’t tell her about this,” Mark says, looking everywhere but Johnny's gaze because he knew that if he did, he might ended up forgetting what he practiced saying on the way here. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t really want to be in the same university with you, let alone be asked to live in the same apartment with you— this is all just a bad coincidence.” Mark was still going. “I understand if you’re irritated at me since I invaded your space so just pretend I’m not here,” Mark rambles, not giving Johnny the chance to speak. “Let’s— let’s just get out of each other’s way, it’s better that way,” Mark says finally and meeting the other’s eyes.

Johnny is silent, no doubt contemplating his words, and Mark was starting to become a little uncomfortable from how long the silence stretched. _Maybe he’s starting to ignore me already?_ Mark was about to go in his room when the other finally spoke, it was softer and different to what Mark was expecting. He predicted that the other would reply saying he was indeed going to be a nuisance. Actually, that's what Mark would’ve preferred over what came after.

“Sure, if that’s what you want,” Johnny says briefly, voice low that Mark would have missed it if he wasn’t focused on his reply. Mark turns to look at him but Johnny already had his back to him, flipping the television open and resuming his spot on the couch. Mark was left staring at the back of his head.

 _That went… okay?_ This is what he wanted, right?

He closes the door behind him and sits on his bare bed, not expecting how that short conversation seemed to have absorbed all his remaining energy. He hasn’t even started unpacking yet and he already feels tired. Like he just ran a marathon.

_How am I supposed to last the whole year?_

_———_

The first month of university went by fast. The initial week was spent trying to get used to the campus and after that, Mark was already bombarded with essays to write, papers to read and training. Jaemin and Mark made the team, which wasn’t much of a surprise. The university coach told them that their previous coach talked highly of them. Not like they needed someone to put a good word for them, anyway. They had their own reputations and after try-outs, Mark and Jaemin proved why they were there. Their times were easily the best and their names on the top of the list.

It was quite overwhelming at first but Mark slowly got used to everything.

Well, except for one thing.

The living arrangement was going surprisingly well which should make Mark happy but for some reason, it just _doesn’t_. The both of them had really busy and different schedules so they rarely saw each other in the apartment. Mark saw Johnny a lot during mornings, though. When he was on the way back from training, Johnny would be on his way to do his usual morning run. They didn’t talk but they sometimes would awkwardly acknowledge each other by nodding, just to be polite.

After his first day of training, Mark found a plate of bacon and eggs in the kitchen which he assumed was Johnny’s left-over from breakfast so he ate it without thinking, a little to used to the set-up back at home. He was already on his last piece of bacon when he realized that he probably shouldn’t have eaten it because, what if he’s going to eat it later? Maybe it's for someone else? So, he just left a note saying that he was sorry and that he was the one who ate it. He didn’t get a reply, not that he expected one. However, he found another plate of left-overs the following day and who was he to deny food when it’s already there? He was too hungry from practice to wonder why Johnny didn’t just throw the food in the trash or why he wouldn't just adjust his servings.

He remembers what he told Johnny the first day he moved, that they shouldn’t get in each other’s way—and that’s basically what’s happening— but Mark can’t help but wish to have a little bit of interaction with the older.

He was used to being busy but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get affected by school and training every now and then. After a long day, there was nothing more Mark wanted than to vent out to someone to lessen the stress but there was no one for him to talk to when he goes home.

He remembers his friends and the updates they’ve given him about living together and he can’t help but feel a little bit jealous. He remember Jeno and Jaemin’s story about how they let the fire alarm in their dorm go off after attempting to bake cookies. When he asked why they tried to bake cookies, they just mentioned that they woke-up at 3 am on a weekend and just wanted to. He slept over at Haechan and Renjun’s place and saw them bickering around with each other like normal but that’s when he realized that he had no one to talk to when he came home. He had his friends but he was only able to talk to them through messages. He can’t really blame them though, they were all busy and Mark’s apartment wasn’t exactly close to theirs. He didn’t want to be selfish to demand that they go to his.

It’s just been such a long time since they were all together.

_He was just so lonely._

And not to mention _stressed._

On some nights after his last class ends, he would see Johnny sitting by the couch and he would have this inexplicable urge to go towards him and just start talking about his day just to ease the stress and worry he’s feeling. But he doesn’t no matter how much he wants to. He’s the one who told him that they should get out of each other’s way so wouldn’t he just be eating his words if he did just the opposite of that?

What does he expect Johnny to do after he pours his worries out? He’s sure that Johnny doesn’t care at all so, why even bother? He’ll just make a complete fool of himself.

Not to mention, Johnny’s schedule was really hard to figure out and the time where he sees him after class in the apartment were rare. The other would arrive at the apartment when Mark was already asleep and he doesn’t even go home often. On the nights where it’s just him in the apartment, which was often, Mark would start wondering where Johnny is or what he’s doing but then stops himself. Isn’t this what he wanted in the first place? Not to see Johnny to forget about him?

But why does Mark end up thinking about him more when he isn’t there?

He was deep in thought— something he always does when he’s alone in the apartment with no one to talk to, like tonight— eating the pizza he bought on the way home from class when somebody suddenly started loudly knocking on the front door. Did Johnny forget his keys?

“Uhm— who are you?” It wasn’t a familiar face and maybe Mark should’ve checked first before opening the door widely because the said unfamiliar face suddenly entered his place without even seemingly looking at Mark.

“Where's Johnny?” The unfamiliar face asks and Mark watches as he takes a slice off of the pizza he bought with his _own_ money.

“I asked first?” Mark was starting to get a little irritated. This person just _waltzed in_ his apartment like he owned the place and now he’s eating his food?

“So?” The unfamiliar face drops himself on the couch and switches the show Mark was definitely watching. He was definitely pissed now.

“I live here!” Mark tries to project as much anger as he can in his words and it worked, since the unfamiliar face finally gives him is attention. But then out of nowhere, he just starts laughing at Mark. The fucking _nerve_ of this guy.

“No, you don’t,” He says with a roll of his eyes. “Stop pretending you live here,” He demanded as he went towards Mark, who stood rooted in his spot by the door and fuming in anger.

“I do—“

“I mean,” The unfamiliar face cuts him off, “You’re really cute and all but sleeping with Johnny doesn’t mean you can overstay your welcome,” He says while crossing his arms while blood rushes towards Mark’s face. “He just doesn’t let anyone stay in his place.”

Wow, okay. Mark is definitely going to give this man a piece of his mind. Did he just mistake him for one of Johnny’s one-night-stands or something?

“Hey—“ Mark starts.

“Yuta?” _Speak of the devil and he shall appear._ “What are you doing here?” Johnny asks from the door.

Johnny was dead-tired, it’s only the first month and there’s nothing more he wants than to sleep for maybe 2 days straight. He doesn't want to think of avoiding Mark right now. All he wants is to lie in his own bed. He hasn’t had time for himself until now, he just passed a paper— damn professor gave them an assignment so heavy and this early in the semester— and finished a few works that earned him a few weeks to breathe. And maybe get laid. Being a senior and maintaining grades is so fucking hard.

He was already reciting his food order— he's been craving Chinese food for a week now— in his head before staying dead to the world until tomorrow but as he neared his apartment, he saw that the door was ajar. He felt his heart stop as a million thoughts ran through his head. _Are they being robbed? Is Mark home? Fuck, is Mark safe?_

He quickly ran towards the apartment as fast as he could and was surprised to see Yuta there. He can’t believe he’s saying this but he felt relieved to see it was just his friend. Better him than a robber. It wasn’t really surprising that he was in his apartment, the other spent more time in Johnny’s place than his which was literally just two floors below but he hasn’t been over lately until now. He thinks it's because Taeyong's also been staying home often. However, what really surprised him was Mark, standing by the door and holding the doorknob a little too tightly, absolutely seething with anger at Yuta, who looked equally irritated.

_What the fuck is happening here?_

“I was about to ask if you’re free for dinner but found one of your _flings_ claiming he lives here now,” Yuta— Mark presumes that’s his name— says in dismissive tone as Johnny’s eyes widen in return. “You need to tell him to leave, he doesn’t want to believe he’s not welcome anymore,” He says as Yuta rummages on their refrigerator, making it look like Mark isn't worth his time. The younger decided he has had enough when he sees Yuta open his last strawberry yogurt.

“Listen here, you _asshole_ ,” Mark hissed and Johnny turns toward him in surprise. Yuta also lazily directs his attention to him, already in the process of scooping out his strawberry yogurt. _I was saving that for later!_ “You come _here_ , pointedly ignore me when I ask you—politely, if I may add— about who you are then proceed to eat _my pizza_ and eat the last of _my strawberry yogurt_ — which I have been saving since yesterday, by the way and lastly, have the guts to tell me to go out of my own damn apartment? Who the hell do _you_ think you are!” Mark finishes, red in the face as Yuta watches on, speechless and eyes wide from the outburst.

“Yuta,” Johnny starts and Mark glares at him when he hears Johnny chuckling quietly. Johnny stifles his laugh from seeing Mark’s stare but he fails so he puts his hands up instead in mock surrender as if to say, Hey, I’m not who you’re fighting with here. “Meet Mark.”

Yuta’s spoon drops from his mouth as realization dawns upon him.

———

“I’m so, so sorry!” Mark can’t count how many times Yuta has apologized to him already. Honestly, he was getting tired and more embarrassed with every passing minute since instead of forgetting what happened a while ago, he’s reminded of it every time the other apologizes. “I didn’t know you were Johnny’s brother!”

“ _Step-brother_ , actually,” Mark corrects him. “And like I said, it’s fine,” Mark replies for the umpteenth time. He can’t believe he lost his temper and with Johnny present too. He looks at Johnny nervously, the older is probably just stopping himself from getting angry at Mark since Yuta was there. He called his friend an asshole, after all. But in his defense, Yuta wanted him out of his own apartment and didn’t believe him when he actually lived there! He looks at Johnny again and sees he’s still busy ordering food over the phone to notice him.

“No, I’m sorry! I’m kind of the reason you lost your temper,” Yuta says as he holds Mark’s hands.

“I can’t really argue with that, though. It’s true,” Mark replies, not realizing he voiced what he was actually thinking. He looked at Yuta and was surprised to see the other laugh loudly. Johnny looks over them with a questioning glance before going back to his phone call.

“Let’s start over, shall we?” Yuta says. “I’m Yuta Nakamoto. I live two floors down and Johnny’s friend. We have the same major.”

“I can’t believe I called someone 4 years older than me an asshole!” Mark says, covering his face with his hands. So embarrassing.

“Let’s put that behind us,” Yuta says firmly with a sincere smile and Mark slowly drops his hands to his lap.

“I’m Mark Lee,” He says and Yuta gives him another smile.

“I like you,” Yuta says as he grabs Mark's hands again. “I feel like we’re going to get along well,”

“Well, I already called you an asshole so it can only get better from here on,” Mark replies and that earns him another laugh. Yuta expresses his emotions so freely and Mark admits he has already slightly forgotten about their altercation just a while ago. Yuta actually seemed like a friendly guy, they just really got off at the wrong foot.

He was also good-looking, now that Mark has given a long look at him. He had platinum dyed hair which was a little longer than most, a style not a lot can pull off but it suits him perfectly. One might think he’s very intimidating from the clothes and his aura, but you’ll find yourself mistaken when he flashes you a smile that could probably melt ice.

They talk for a while after that, Yuta asking him question after question with Mark doing his best to keep up with the older. Johnny suddenly breaks their conversation, clearing his throat and pointing at the food on the table.

He didn’t realize that he’s been talking to Yuta for some time that the food arrived already when it just seemed like a minute ago when Johnny was on the phone. The other was so easy to get along with and he seemed to just have an endless supply of stories.

“Food’s here,” Johnny says. Mark sees Johnny give a pointed look at Yuta, who just returns it with a curious smile which Mark has a hard time trying to figure out. Maybe it’s time for him to go.

“Where are you going?” Yuta asks as Mark stands up from his position on the couch.

“I’m going to go to my room,”

“It’s still early!” Yuta argues, “And weren’t you still eating when I got here?” He points to the pizza box on the counter and it’s true. He was only able to eat one slice before Yuta came barging in. He was still a little hungry but he thought of just returning for his food when they’re done, he doesn’t want to feel like he’s intruding.

“I’ll just eat later.“

“Why don’t you eat with us?” Yuta asks and Mark looks at Johnny who was busy opening the food containers. “Johnny ordered enough food for 5 people,” Yuta wasn’t lying but Mark still wanted Johnny to look at him so he can gauge if he was welcome to join them but the other just seemed to avoid his eyes. Him not looking is probably the answer, Mark thinks but before he could tell decline Yuta again, he was already dragging Mark by the shoulders and pushing him down to sit beside Johnny.

Yuta brings Mark’s pizza box down in front of him while Johnny grabs three water bottles from the fridge and sets one near him.

“Eat,” Yuta tells him as he pushes a box of fried rice in front of him. Johnny also slides him an extra pair of chopsticks without speaking. “How’s your first month of university?” Yuta asks him, trying to make small-talk.

“Stressful,” Mark says honestly and Yuta laughs.

“It gets better, though,” Yuta says earnestly and that kind of assures Mark. Having someone older and who has been through what he’s going through right now tell him that it gets better really assured Mark.

“I hope so,” Mark says and resists the urge to stare at the person beside him. He was so quiet.

“Johnny, you’re never this quiet, what’s up?” It was like he heard what Mark was thinking. Yuta’s tone was teasing and Mark can see a smile threatening to spill out of his lips.

“Just tired,” Johnny says with a glare directed at Yuta. He moves to grab his water bottle but he miscalculated, spilling water all over him and Mark. “Shit— sorry!” Johnny says immediately and Mark is already up with a paper towel in hand, trying to stop the water from spreading. It thankfully didn’t get on the food. Johnny was able to prevent water from going on his shirt but his arms were soaked. Mark pats the paper towel on Johnny’s arms, not even realizing what he was doing until Johnny stopped him, grabbing the paper towel from Mark’s hands.

“I— I got it,” Johnny tells him and Yuta is looking at them with a smile like he has a secret. They were quiet for a while after until Yuta spoke again. Mark is starting to realize that the other was the type of person who just speaks what’s on his mind.

“Are you guys usually this quiet around each other?” Yuta comments offhandedly and the both of them stiffen at the comment. “I’ve been hear for like an hour and a half already and you guys haven’t even given each other more than a sentence,”

“We do—“ Mark tries to say but what is there to say? They don’t really talk and it’s true.

“How are we supposed to speak when your annoying ass can’t stop talking?” Johnny says jokingly at Yuta. The mood lightens from then and Mark feels less uneasy.

Yuta proceeds to tell him about how Johnny and him met. He states that Johnny and him didn’t become close with each other right away even though they were the same age and had a couple of classes together. They didn’t even know that they lived in the same building until one morning they found themselves together in the elevator on the way to class. Yuta was the first one who struck a conversation— of course— and that’s basically the start of how they got so close with each other.

“Which I kind of regret now,” Johnny says after Yuta finished talking. “Should’ve just ignored him when I had the chance,” Johnny tells Mark and Yuta’s eyes widened like he was scandalized.

“Excuse me? You were the one who suggested we go to class together in the first place,” Yuta replies, throwing a napkin towards Johnny. “If I remember correctly— and I do— you sounded like you were hitting on me too!”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Johnny says with a roll of his eyes. “You’re not my type.”

“And your type being?” Yuta says with a teasing smile as if challenging Johnny. Mark’s ears perk up but he tried to remain as nonchalant as possible. He didn’t want to make it obvious that this has been one of the questions he’s been wondering about for the longest time ever. What _is_ Johnny's type?

“Someone cute,” Johnny says as he crosses his hands as if in thought. “Bright eyes and a nice smile.” _Well, that’s awfully vague,_ Mark thought with a frown.

“Boring!” Yuta calls out. “That’s not what I remember you telling me after that one night with—,”

“Yuta,” Johnny says with a pointed look once again while the other just shrugs, teasing smile still intact.

“What about you, Mark?” Yuta turns towards him, ignoring Johnny. He just knew this question was coming. “Have someone you like?”

“Uh— no,” Mark says, caught a little off-guard. He’s actually jut been too busy to even think about anything else. But, if he were being honest, there is this one guy—

“Oh, what’s his name?” Mark didn’t realize he said his thoughts out loud. He doesn’t know what to reply seeing the said person he’s been thinking about is just beside him. He doesn’t even want to imagine the mess that would follow if he ends up accidentally blurting that out. Thinking fast, he settles with giving Yuta a teasing smile that could rivals the older’s.

“It’s a secret,” Mark replies as he leans his elbows on the table.

“Is there any chance that it’s me?” Yuta asks as he leans towards Mark.

“I just met you?” He sees from his side that Johnny’s fighting the urge to smile.

“Your point?” Mark shakes his head at him and Yuta thankfully doesn’t press anymore after that. They drift to another topic and Mark watches in amusement as Johnny and Yuta continue to argue back and forth. He was having a great time just listening to the both of them and their stories. It’s been such a long time since he had dinner with other people and he found it so relaxing that he briefly forgot about his deadlines for the week.

The night was going well until Yuta had to leave saying he had an early class tomorrow.

“Thanks for the food, Johnny!” Yuta chimes from the door after asking Mark for his number which the younger gave without hesitation.

“Start spending your own money for food, dumbass!” Johnny calls out which makes Mark laugh once again.

“Give me a message if you want any blackmail material against your hyung,” He says, staging it like a whisper but Mark knows he wanted Johnny to hear it.

“Yuta!” Johnny barked in another threatening tone while the other gives him a cheeky smile in return.

“Kidding, just message me if you need any help with anything,” He says with a wink and Mark thanks him.

Mark slowly closes the door behind him and he’s suddenly alone again with Johnny. Mark doesn’t remember the last time Johnny and him were in the same room for more than 5 minutes.

“Thank you for dinner,” He says earnestly at Johnny who was busy wiping the plates they used.

“No worries,” Johnny responds curtly.

The night took such a different turn. It started with him contemplating about how lonely he was, Yuta suddenly barging in and telling him to go out of his own apartment, and it ending with him earning a new friend and a meal with Johnny. He remembers Yuta commenting at how quiet they were, if only he knows that it was the first time that Johnny and him sat at the kitchen table together.

Honestly, he wished more nights were like this. Having dinner with someone else and having someone to talk with apart from himself. Especially if it’s with Johnny. He doesn’t say this out loud, though.

Silence drones on and Mark starts to slowly pull himself to reality once again. Johnny still hasn’t said anything since Yuta went away and Mark feels as if cold water has been poured over his head. Although Johnny let him eat with them and even involve him in their conversation, nothing still changed. Johnny still hated him and he was only making it look like they were close because his friend was there. If Johnny ignored him, how else would he explain their situation to Yuta? He only welcomed Mark because it was the logical and easier thing to do. To _pretend_ that Johnny likes him.

He sullenly goes toward his room without a word and sinks to his knees.

_Why did I even hope that things could ever change?_

———

“Mark!” Mark just exited the discussion room and was on the way to meet up with his friends when he heard someone call his attention. He tried to look for the voice and saw someone rather tall running towards him while calling his name. “Mark, wait up!” The person got nearer and when he realized who it was, he felt himself smile.

 _Lucas._ He’s someone who was in one of Mark’s class and a foreigner from Hong Kong. They did a paper together a few days back and although Mark did most of the work, Lucas was always present and in time to give him moral support. He initially did try to help though, a huge emphasis on try but Mark knew he was struggling since he still was getting used to the language. Luckily, the topic wasn’t that difficult for Mark so he ended up finishing it for the both of them. As repayment, Lucas bought Mark coffee for a whole week after so he let it pass.

“Hey, Lucas,” Mark greets him as the other suddenly puts his hands on his knees.

“You—“ Mark realizes that other was trying to catch his breath. “You walk fast,”

“Did you just came all the way here just to say that?” Mark smirks, trying to stifle a chuckle at how tired he looks.

“We’re throwing a party,” Lucas tells him. “I want you to come.” It wasn’t hard to see that Lucas also liked Mark since he didn’t exactly hide his interest whenever the other was around. Mark didn’t mind it, though. Lucas was attractive. He was tall, handsome and he had a great sense of humour. He can be too loud most of the time but Mark thinks that’s just part of his charm.

“I don’t know,” Mark trails, tilting his head sidewards as if deep in thought.

“Come on, Mark,” Lucas knew he was teasing him.

“Why should I?”

“Well, I’ll be there,” Lucas beamed as Mark rolls his eyes at him, still amused.

“As much as I like you,” Lucas gives him a cocky grin in reply. “It’s gonna take more than that to convince me.”

“If you go to the party, I’ll make it worth your time.” Lucas says, taking a step closer to Mark who just hums.

“Tempting,” Mark says after a few moments, having to tilt his head upwards to meet the other’s eyes. “But I’ll still think about it,”

“I’ll see you!” Mark already planned on going, he just didn’t want to give Lucas the satisfaction of hearing him saying yes but Lucas already replied like Mark agreed already. He was too confident for his own good but Mark knew he would be lying if he said that he didn’t find it attractive. “Bring your friends!”

Mark’s friends catch him afterwards with a huge grin on his face which they teased him about. He told them about Lucas inviting them to the party and they all collectively gave him knowing looks in return.

“What?” Mark asks them, a smile threatening to overtake his face once again.

He can’t wait for the weekend.

———

“And where are you headed, young man?” Yuta inquired, eyes traveling up and down on the younger’s form the moment Mark goes out of his room.

“I got invited to a party,” Mark says, feeling his cheeks redden from the attention. But if he was being honest, he knew he looked good. He made sure of it. He was wearing black jeans which emphasized his long and lithe legs, a black shirt that flowed loosely and exposed his chest and collarbones. He was wearing silver accessories to complete the outfit, too.

Yuta’s face was something Mark’s used to seeing in their apartment. He has been over a couple of times, mostly during dinner like the first time they met and has been also the reason why Mark is seeing so much of Johnny nowadays. And he is silently grateful for the other for it. Mark is absolutely sure that Yuta does not know how he has affected Mark with his presence. Whenever he sees the older, Mark just breaks into a grin. Seeing Yuta means that Mark would have someone to talk to other than himself.

However, on some days, Mark would try his best to avoid him especially when he’s with Johnny. He remembers the last time they ate with each other and how Johnny reacted with his presence there. He felt like he was trying to fit himself in a place where he doesn’t belong. Yuta doesn’t make him feel that way, though. The older has made it a point to have Mark with him when he goes there for dinner with Johnny.

On days where he can’t seem to avoid Yuta, since the older was so persistent, he would just make sure that he won’t stay in their presence for too long. He also tried not to get too attached and too close to Yuta but that has been such a challenge because he doesn’t really stop nagging Mark until the younger agrees to spend time with him.

He knows Yuta means well. It’s Johnny that he was worried about. He didn’t want Johnny thinking that Mark is stealing his friends away from him. He knows he's already disrupted the older's routine and now he's also invading his social circle. He's been trying his best to decline Yuta when Johnny is around. However, when Mark sees that Johnny isn’t with him, Mark would always take his time talking to the older.

He thinks Yuta has probably realized by now that his relationship with Johnny wasn’t really the best because Mark would always change the topic when it concerns Johnny. When he does that, Yuta thankfully doesn’t question nor press about him about it. At first Mark thought it was weird because naturally anyone would be curious as to why. They're step-brothers after all.

Maybe Yuta knows Johnny hates him? He’s his close friend, after all. But if that was the case, Yuta won’t have any reason to be kind to him so why is he putting effort trying to talk to Mark? He just tells himself that Yuta probably doesn’t know and that’s why he’s been treating Mark so well.

Johnny in that moment goes out the bathroom and spots Mark. The older slowly takes in Mark’s appearance and feels his throat parch up. Mark was busy talking to Yuta to notice him looking at him intently up so he took his sweet time trying to remember every single detail about how Mark looks right now.

While he was busy focusing on the exposed skin of Mark's neck, he hears someone their throat, effectively snapping him out of his reverie. Johnny sees Yuta looking at him with a smile which he knows far too well. Fucker. Johnny redirects his attention to Mark who was also looking at him with wide eyes, as if waiting for him to say something. It took everything in him not to carry Mark over his shoulder and towards his room so he could have his way with him until morning. He won’t let Mark out without seeing and marking every inch of him.

_But he doesn’t._

Because that’s not what you’re supposed to do with your step-brother.

“Hey, Johnny!” Yuta calls out with a twinkle in his eyes.

 _That fucker._ He is starting to regret every single thing he’s said to his Yuta. Ever since they’ve met, he’s always made Johnny’s life a living hell but he knows he can’t possibly live without the other. He owes a lot to him. He was there when Johnny was at his worst and didn’t leave him even after telling him the truth about his thoughts about Mark. Yuta took a moment, of course, it was pretty heavy but he didn’t turn his back on Johnny. _It could be worse. You could be a murderer or something._ Yuta told him and they didn’t bring it up after again, except for when Mark moved in with him. The other was having too much fun messing with Johnny after knowing what he truly feels for Mark. He teases him about it but Johnny knows that he can trust Yuta with his life. He knows that the other won't cross the line nor do and say anything he knew Johnny wouldn't like but he sure loves testing the limits. Those are the moments wherein Johnny just wants to deck him in the face. Or send him back to Osaka in a box.

“Mark tells me he’s going to a party,” Yuta explain as he gestures towards Mark. As if he could miss him standing there looking like that. “Doesn’t he look nice?”

“Make sure you get home safe,” Johnny says— not giving another look to Mark because he doesn't want to risk showing Mark the lust in his eyes. He pretends Mark isn’t there and just simply pass by him to go towards the kitchen. He needs a fucking drink. Mark doesn’t give him a reply and instead bids Yuta goodbye.

“Have fun, Mark!” Yuta calls out and just like that, Mark’s out of the door. Johnny doesn't even want to fucking imagine anyone going near Mark, he might just end up punching someone or something. He just wanted Mark all to himself. He tries to cool himself down and sits on the chair next to Yuta, hands over his eyes and breathing deeply.

“You know,” Johnny prepares himself for what Yuta’s going to say. He just knows he’s gonna say something fucking irritating because Yuta won’t be Yuta if he isn't a piece of shit.“I don’t blame you for liking Mark. He’s fucking hot.”

Yuta barely misses the pillow Johnny aimed for his head.

———

“You made it!” Lucas says from the door as he gives Mark a hug which was a little tight and long to be friendly. From the snicker he heard behind him, he knows he’s not the only who noticed it.

“Of course, I did.” Mark replies as Lucas urges them to come in.

“You look—” Mark sees Lucas swallow before continuing on and considers it a win. “You look great,” He says, eyes wide and looking eager. Haechan clears his throat and Mark remembers that they weren’t alone. He forgot that he still hasn’t introduced his friends yet. They introduce them to one another and they all talk for a little while until someone calls for Lucas’ attention.

“I’ll be back for you,” Lucas says, holding Mark’s hand and looking apologetic. His eyes were looking at him so earnestly that it almost made Mark just want to kiss him, not caring who might see. But before he could, Lucas was already headed to his friends.

When Mark and his friends arrived at the party, it was already in full swing. Mark saw a couple of people he knew from his classes and talked to them for a little bit. His friends also saw people they knew and introduced them to Mark. They found themselves in the living room as they made themselves comfortable in the vacant couch.

“I’m going to go get a drink,” Jeno tells them. “You guys want anything?” Haechan and Renjun tell him what they want while Jaemin stands up to help Jeno, knowing he can't carry everything all at once.

“Dude,” Haechan tells him as the others come back with their drinks in hand. “It’s like, your first college party,” He takes a sip from his cup before continuing. “You need to let loose a little.”

“I agree,” Renjun says with a nod of his head.

“You’re doing great in training and in academics. No doubt about it,” Haechan adds. “You deserve this.” He proceeds to switch out Mark’s water with his own cup. Mark peeks at it's contents and they were looking a little questionable but Mark drinks it nonetheless as his friends cheer him on.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to get you home in one piece,” Jeno winks as Mark winces at the burn the drink gave him while the rest of his friends look at each other from behind their cups with knowing looks.

“Fuck it,” Mark says as he takes another shot. _He deserves this._

_———_

_  
  
_“I didn’t even get to talk to Lucas!” Mark whines. They were already in Jeno's car, headed to drop Mark at his palce. Haechan chuckles in reply, a little tipsy himself but not at Mark’s level. Mark was drunk-drunk. “I wasn’t even able to get his attention after he let us in,” He pouts and Haechan thinks how absolutely cute Mark is right now.

It’s been a long time since he saw Mark this drunk as the he was always mindful of how much a lightweight he is. The rest of his friends were glad that Mark let himself let go tonight though, they all knew he needed a break.

“Do you like him?” Haechan nudges Mark, trying to humour him.

“I want to fuck him,” Mark had one hell of a mouth too when he was drunk. He was saying words he wouldn’t really say out loud sober. Jeno chuckles from the front and Haechan shushes him. “But he was so fucking busy talking to _everyone_!”

The night was still young but they were already out of the party earlier than expected since Mark had already drank too much, too quickly. After knowing firsthand how Mark is when he’s intoxicated, Haechan made the decision for them to go before he starts embarrassing himself in front of his current crush. Mark has low alcohol tolerance to start with so they ended up leaving the party quite soon.

And in Haechan’s defense, it wasn’t exactly a very good time for Mark to make his move on Lucas and he knew that the other knew that as well. It was Lucas' party after all and there was a lot of people trying to get his attention and the giant, being the overly friendly guy that he is, entertained everybody.

“This isn’t the last time you’re gonna see him, Mark.” Haechan supplies and Mark grumbles.

“I have an idea,” Mark whispers next to Haechan’s ear but the other still struggled to catch his words, he was slurring his words. “I’m going to show him what he’s missing out tonight,”

“Oh,” Haechan laughs at him, drunk Mark was fun. He even said it like it was the brightest idea he’s ever had. “Do that! Definitely!” Haechan can't wait to remind all of this to Mark tomorrow.

“You know I love you, right?” Mark tells him after a few moments of silence and Haechan is enjoying this far too much, he should try to get Mark drunk more. “I love you too, Jeno.” Mark calls out to Jeno who was driving them towards his apartment. Jeno says it back in return with a laugh.

“Are we close?” Haechan asks Jeno. He told Haechan to sit with Mark in the back seat in case Mark ends up vomiting so he was the only one in-front.

“Yeah,” Jeno says as he looks at them from the rear-view mirror. “He’s been so stressed lately,” Jeno knows they shouldn’t be talking about someone who was just there but he knew Mark was too drunk to care nor remember this conversation.

“I know,” Haechan replies as he begins to sober up while brushing Mark’s hair away from his eyes. “I don’t even know what he’s thinking about nowadays,” Haechan pouts as Mark closes his eyes, relaxing under Haechan's fingers which were rubbing his scalp. He feels them come to a stop and Haechan watches Jeno go out of the car.

“You know Mark,” Jeno says, opening the back door and looking at Haechan. “You can’t just have him tell you what you want to know. You need to give him time.”

“I’m just worried,” Haechan says with a frown. “I’m his best friend and I care about him.”

“I know,” Jeno holds Haechan’s head against his and presses a chaste kiss on his lips. “We all do.”

Jeno carries Mark all the way from the car to the elevator while Haechan trails behind them. Haechan pats Mark’s pockets and emits a quick _‘Aha!’_ when he finally finds Mark's keys. Fortunately, they open the apartment without any trouble and go inside without much noise.

"Be careful, Johnny-hyung might be sleeping already," Haechan whispers to Jeno who was carrying Mark like he weighed nothing. They enter the place and although they know it was quite late, the quietness that met them was a little unsettling. It doesn’t feel like someone was sleeping in the apartment, it felt more like no one was home.

“Easy there, Mark,” Jeno says as he slowly sets a very drunk Mark on his own bed. Thankfully, they had no trouble finding his room after getting it on the first try.

“Thanks, Jeno,” Mark slurrs as Jeno pats him on the head. Haechan follows them inside the room with a glass of water and a tablet of aspirin he found on the counter. He sets everything on the table beside Mark’s bed. They gently pry him out of his clothes and softly close the door behind them, leaving him to rest.

“Are you sure he lives with his step-brother?” Jeno asks as he takes a look around. This was the first time they’ve been in his apartment and it just looked— _empty._

“Yeah, he told me he’s living with Johnny-hyung.” Haechan looks around and he knows that Jeno's probably thinking the same thing as him. The place looked lonely.

“It’s weird,” Jeno comments after fixing himself and Haechan a water bottle from the fridge. The fridge was packed with food and lots of strawberry yogurt, which he knows is Mark’s. It’s the only indication that two people were actually living there because Mark can’t possible eat all of the food in the fridge alone. Apart from that, it just looked like a new apartment. “Kind of feels like Mark’s the only one living here,”

“Let’s go?” Haechan tells Jeno as the other nods. The silence was starting to get annoying.

On the way down, Haechan can help but agree with Jeno. The place definitely looked like it was just Mark living there. He knows Johnny was busy but it’s impossible for him not to go home, right? He remembers when Mark met up with them last time. He knew he wasn’t just imagining it when he thought Mark’s eyes were starting to lately look like the ones he had when Haechan first met him. _Lonely._

Haechan actually feels a little guilty when he remembers that they’ve only been able to see each other a handful of times but they all know it was because of school work and Mark's training. He messages him daily but he admits that sometimes, he would also forget to reply. He's only human after all. He hopes Mark doesn’t think that he’s ignoring him— they’re really just still adjusting.

“What are you thinking about?” Jeno say as he interlocks his fingers with Haechan.

“I feel a little guilty,” Haechan says honestly, playing with Jeno’s fingers.

“I’m sure Mark understands that we’re still adjusting and really just busy,” Jeno replies and Haechan gives him a small smile. They always happen to think the same things. “When we find time, I promise we’ll make it up to him,” Jeno says as he kisses the back of Haechan’s hand. Jeno always knows how to calm his thoughts. He's so lucky to have him.

Haechan lets his thoughts briefly drift to Mark once again. He hopes Mark finds someone that could make him feel this way, too. God knows how much Mark deserves someone that could give him the same love he has in his heart.

“I like that,” Haechan replies with a content smile, directing his full attention to his boyfriend.

“You don’t have to worry about him all the time,” Jeno tells him, eyes on the road. “He has Johnny-hyung,”

Haechan feels like he should be reassured with Jeno’s words but it doesn’t give him the effect that he was expecting.

_Mark has Johnny-hyung... right?_

_———_

Johnny was in Yuta’s apartment, they went here after Taeyong told them that he cooked dinner for them. Even though dinner was already over a couple of hours ago, Taeyong and Yuta insisted that he stay which was why he was currently still in their living room. They usually spend their weekend out but none of them were in the mood so they just settled indoors. They spent their time catching up with each other and talking shit about their professors. Yuta and Taeyong were drinking beer all the while until the latter started craving for ice cream. Yuta had accompanied him, leaving Johnny alone. He was currently browsing for a good movie to watch while he’s waiting for the both of them, knowing they’ll be taking time since Taeyong was very particular about his ice cream. Only Yuta can have the patience to drive Taeyong to 3 different ice cream parlours at this time.

He closed the television, finding nothing good to watch until his phone suddenly vibrated, signalling a message.

He looked at the phone confused when he saw that it was from an unknown number. The fact that it was a video made him all the more baffled but curiosity got the best of him so he opened it. The video started a little shaky and Johnny wasn’t even sure what he was initially looking at. The camera stabilized after the person put the camera on what seemed like a table and—

 _Is that Mark?_ How did he even get this number? More importantly, _what is he doing?_

Johnny laughs as he watches him suddenly stand up from his chair, stumbling out of the frame and returning a few moments after— almost falling backwards in the process. He was drunk, Johnny thought. And he just sent Johnny a pointless video. This wasn't the first time someone has sent him a drunk video. He remembers Jaehyun sending him a drunk video proclaiming about his love for 'bunnies'. Speaking of Jaehyun, Johnny wonders how he's doing. It's been a while since they all got together. He should definitely contact him later but for now, he has a video to check.

“Hey, Lucas,” Mark was speaking—more like slurring— but it was low and quiet so Johnny had to pause the video to look for his headphones, very curious about the contents of the video.

Lucas? So Mark just accidentally sent this video to him. It was someone for else. Johnny would be lying if he didn’t say he was disappointed that it wasn’t directed to him. He played it from the start once again and upped the volume. Maybe it’s going to be a confession for this Lucas person? Now that he knew that it wasn’t for him, Johnny told himself that the right thing to do was to close the video and he was just about to do that when Mark suddenly started stripping his shirt and Johnny felt his throat dry up.

Mark throws his shirt on the floor and Johnny knows he shouldn’t be this picky when it’s a video of Mark stripping but he wishes he could just correct the angle a little better. No matter how much he wanted to see Mark’s body, he wanted to see his angelic face too. Even though there wasn’t anything angelic about what he did next.

“I’ve been thinking about you,” Mark did a show of slowly running his hands all over his chest and his abs before stopping to pinch one his nipples. He gave a moan that sounded so delicious and Johnny feels his dick slowly become hard. He knew this was dangerous but he can’t stop himself from watching.

Mark raises his hips to remove his pants, breathing fast as he slowly rubs himself from over his boxers. “Fuck,” Mark says lowly. He slowly strips out of his boxers and Johnny’s breath hitches when he finally sees Mark completely bare before him. He was so cute and so hot at the same time. He wishes he was in the same room as him he knew he would have to settle with watching him from his phone. Johnny can’t imagine what he would do if he can touch Mark right now.

“I wish you were the one touching me right now,” Mark licks his hand before finally wrapping it around his member, gasping as he slipped his thumb over the head of his cock. The moan Mark lets out was absolutely sinful. Johnny imagines himself drawing out that sound. He wants to hear the younger to moan out his name, beg for him to come and to cry when Johnny finally gives him permission to.

Mark doesn’t waste any time, stroking himself hard and fast. “Fu—fuck,” The slick noises his hand made as he touched his cock was so obscenely loud. “Feel so— so so good,” He watches Mark suck his fingers into his mouth, no doubt to stop himself from making too much noise. He was just two floors up but Johnny feels like he’s just in the other room which would have been reality if Johnny didn’t go to Yuta and Taeyong’s apartment. No matter how much he wanted to see the younger, Johnny was a little thankful he didn’t stay in his room, he knows he wouldn’t be able to control himself if he hears Mark moaning like that. He wonders if Mark was stopping himself from moaning out loud because he think Johnny might hear him, or was he too drunk to think about that at this point?

Johnny’s thoughts drift to how Mark would look like with that pretty mouth of his wrapped around his cock. Johnny resisted the urge to moan out loud as he imagines Mark looking up at him with those bright eyes of his, drool dribbling down his chin as Johnny fucks his mouth.

“I’m so c-close,” Mark was close and he could tell, he was having a hard time trying to keep his voice down and Johnny wants to bound his hands behind him so he’d have no choice to be loud. “Oh, my God!” Mark groans. He wants to hear Mark make as much noise as he can and to scream with Johnny’s name on his lips. Mark whines in the video and Johnny has to stifle a groan at how desperate he sounds. Johnny imagines how would Mark would sound, begging Johnny to touch him and fuck him harder, so so desperate to come.

Mark’s hips start to stutter.“I-I’m gonna come,” Johnny watches Mark’s body arch up as he releases the sweetest whimper Johnny has ever heard. _That’s right. Come for me, baby._ He watches the cum flood over Mark’s fist, spurting against hiss toned stomach as the younger slows his stroke to draw the orgasm out until he can’t take the sensitivity anymore. He watches as Mark breathes heavily for a moment before going towards the camera. And just like that, the video ends.

Johnny lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

_I'm losing my fucking mind._

_———_

_The sun has no right being this bright._

That was the first thought that came to Mark’s mind when he woke up. He rolls over and pushes himself into a sitting position, vision spinning. Fuck. His head is pounding. It’s been such a long time since he had a hangover this bad. He doesn’t want to fucking drink again.

Mark pats around his bed, in search for his phone. He sees it in his bedside table along with an aspiring and a glass of water which he finishes in record time. He squints as he browses his messages, checking Haechan’s first.

_**haechan  
[9:02 AM]**_   
_< message me as soon as u wake up!_   
_< also, did u send him a video? ;) _

_**jaemin  
[8:01 AM]**_   
_< coach is going to kill you for missing training_   
_< but dont worry i told him u were sick  
< and that u lacked vitamin d(ick)_

_**jeno  
[8:17 AM]**  
< please tell me youre alive  
< you still owe me 20 bucks_

_**renjun  
[10:23 AM]** _   
_< we should definitely get u drunk more often_   
_< *see attached image*_

Mark groans as he tries to remember what happened last night. How much did he even drink? He runs a hand through his hair as he types in a reply to everyone, leaving Haechan’s message last. What does he mean by that message?

**_me_ **   
**_[11:20 AM]_ **   
_fuck >_   
_im never drinking again >_   
_what vid are you talking about? and to who? >_

_**haechan  
[11:21 AM]** _   
_< i thought u were never gonna wake up lol_   
_< to lucas! you told me about showing him what he’s missing out_   
_< so did u send one?_

The last thing he remember was seeing Lucas and— _Lucas!_

_**lucas wong  
[09:21 AM]**_   
_< hey mark u just disappeared last night :((_   
_< wanted to talk to you more but i couldnt find you :((_   
_< please message me as soon as you can _

Mark panics as he looks through his sent inbox but breathes a sigh of relief when he discovers that he hasn’t sent anything to Lucas last night. Thank, God. He was about to throw his phone in search for something to eat in the kitchen when he saw that he apparently sent Johnny something. He opens it and— _fuck, kill me._ Mark reacts in absolute horror as he watches the video he apparently sent Johnny last night.

How the fuck is he gonna face him now? _Fuck!_ Mark bows his head, covering his face with his hands and his elbows in his knees.

It was an accident. It’s not like he meant to sent Johnny that. Right? He just needs to explain it to him that it was meant for another person. This is so fucking embarrassing. He can’t really pretend that it never happened since his phone indicated that Johnny already saw his message. And if he doesn’t clear his name, he’s just going to live in utter embarrassment forever. He needs to face Johnny and make it clear to him that the video was just drunk mistake.

After a few minutes pass of Mark pacing around his room, he finally gathers enough courage to actually exit his room. This was just something he can't avoid. Better deal with it as soon as possible. A part of him wished that Johnny wasn’t going to be home but he knew that he was just going to be stalling what was inevitable. He needs to deal with this now so he could forget about it.

“Had fun last night?” Mark thinks he jumped a foot high when he heard Johnny suddenly speak from the couch in the living room.

“I-I did,” Mark stutters, wringing his hands in front of him.

"You looked like you drank a lot," Johnny was teasing him.

"Oh, about that. Uhm— I kind of accidentally— Uh, there’s this message—“ Mark was struggling to talk. Maybe he should’ve spent more time trying to string sentences instead of wallowing in embarrassment.

“Are you talking about the video you sent me?” Johnny supplies and Mark can see that he was smirking.

Johnny didn’t want to admit it out loud but he enjoys seeing Mark squirm in front of him. He was the reason Johnny had such a hard time sleeping last night so he thinks watching the younger suffer a few uncomfortable minutes is enough payback. Even if there are a lot more interesting ways he wants to do to the other to punish him for occupying Johnny’s thoughts so much.

“Yeah,” Mark is looking everywhere but Johnny.

“What about it?” Johnny inquires, not tearing his eyes away from the fidgeting Mark. The younger is starting to think that Johnny is enjoying watching him suffer.

“I’m— I’m sorry you had to see that,” Mark says, toying with his shirt. “It was for someone—“

“I know,” Johnny says with a shrug. “Don’t worry about it, I already deleted it,” Mark breathes a sigh of relief as Johnny turn off the television.

“By the way, how did you get my number?” Johnny was walking towards him. “I don’t remember giving it to you,”

“I asked Ji-eun to give it to me,” Mark’s breath hitches when Johnny stands in front of him. He’s so close.

“Ah,” Johnny hums. “You should’ve just asked it from me instead,” Mark closes his eyes when he feels Johnny reach around him. Mark didn’t know what to expect but when he opened his eyes, Johnny was already near the front door with his jacket in hand. _Oh, I was in the way of his jacket._

“Okay,” Mark mutters lowly, letting not to show his disappointment. What did he expect, really?

“Say hi to Lucas for me,” Johnny tells him with a smirk on his face before shutting the door behind him and leaving Mark alone in the apartment.

Mark doesn't know how long he stood there but after he snaps out of it, he drops down to the couch and pulls out his phone. He types out a quick message to Haechan and hits send.

**_me_ **   
**_[11:57 AM]_ **   
_no >_   
_i didnt send a video to lucas >_

He's never fucking drinking again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this one is by far my favorite. It was fun writing it but I'm sorry if you found it cringe-y, lol. There was actually supposed to be one more scene but I decided to just save it for the next chapter because I already wanted to post this one as soon as possible.
> 
> Thank you so much for finishing this chapter and I just want to say how grateful I am to everyone who gave this story a kudos and who bookmarked it. Most of all, I want to thank the lovely people who have commented on this work of mine! Please keep on telling me what you think, you guys really keep me going! 
> 
> I'm so excited and motivated to continue and finish this story because of every one of you! 
> 
> So remember to stay safe, everyone!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have news! I don't know if it's good or bad (depends on how you see it) but if you noticed, I decided to change the number of chapters. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter! Sadly still can't write smut to save my life so pls bear with me, haha.
> 
> If there are any grammatical errors and misspellings, I'm sorry in advance.

“You look like hell.” Is the first thing Haechan tells Mark when he spots him at the booth in the corner. After Mark realized that moping around in the living room is going to get him nowhere, he pushed himself to take a shower and messaged Haechan to meet him at the breakfast diner a few minutes away from his apartment.

“Thanks,” Mark mutters, glaring at Haechan who was looking like the complete opposite of him. Mark still felt like shit and the only thing that could possibly turn this day around is a heaping plate of waffles, bacon and a tall glass of the chocolate milkshake the diner was known for. The waitress goes towards them and asks them what they want in a monotonous and bored voice. At least he's not the only one having a bad day.

“I’m actually surprised you can even stand right now,” Haechan comments, sipping on his soda. 

“Can we please just not talk about last night,” Mark groans, putting his elbows on the table to cradle his head. “I literally don’t remember anything,” 

“From how much you drank last night, it’s no surprise you blacked out,” Haechan laughs. “Luckily I, your dear friend, am here to remind you all the things you said last night.” 

“Please don’t,” Mark croaks, removing his glasses from his face to rub his eyes. He didn’t even bother to put his contacts on today, it was too much work. 

“You literally couldn't stop talking about wanting Lucas' dick inside you,” Mark groans out loud. Thankfully, there weren’t a lot of people at this time seeing they only serve breakfast food and it’s noon. 

“Haechan,” Mark hushes. “Did anybody hear me say that?” 

“No, just Jeno,” Haechan replies and there was a twinkle in his eyes now that he said the other’s name. Mark’s definitely going to ask him about that later. “If we didn’t drag you out the party, you probably would’ve jumped on him in the middle of the room.” 

“I was drunk! I didn’t even know what I was saying!” Mark argues as the waitress finally arrives with their food. He immediately grabs the syrup and pours as much as he can on his plate while Haechan watches on in disgust. 

“That’s too much and you know it,” Haechan says as he grabs the syrup from Mark’s hand after he poured half the bottle. They eat in silence for a moment and Mark thinks Haechan drops the subject until he spoke again. “You were ready to risk it all,” Haechan chimes.

“Stop or I’ll punch you,” Mark says with a mouthful of waffles, not caring how he looks right now. 

“Fine,” Haechan rolls his eyes. “What’s the update on Lucas?” 

“He actually messaged me this morning asking where I went last night,” Mark admits, after taking a good sip of the _heavenly_ chocolate milkshake. “I sent him a reply and now he’s asking me out for a movie this weekend—” 

“You have a date? About damn time!” Haechan says too loudly and Mark shushes him when a few people look towards them curiously. “Please tell me you said yes,” Haechan demanded while Mark smiles for the first time this day. 

“Of course, I did.” 

“Thank God!" Haechan exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. "So, other than wanting to sleep with Lucas, what have you been up to lately?” Haechan asks which earns him a friendly slap on the arm from Mark.

“Not a lot, really,” Mark answers but then remembers about meeting Yuta, which was basically the only ever interesting thing that has happened to him lately.

“Yuta?” Haechan repeats. 

“Johnny-hyung’s friend, he also lives in the same building as us,” Mark explains. He proceeds to tell him how they met and Haechan absolutely finds the story hilarious. 

“I wish I was there to see your face,” Haechan says, still laughing. “And I can’t believe you called someone an asshole minutes after meeting them.” 

“I know!” Mark says. “But we’re good friends now, though. He’s a great person,” Mark defends while Haechan smiles at him.

Haechan definitely wants to meet this Yuta person someday, from Mark’s stories, he seems like a great guy. He even talks highly of him— even more so than Johnny-hyung. He thinks he’s even able to make Mark laugh as much as he does, which wasn't much of a feat since the other laughs at almost everything. But Haechan has noticed that Mark hasn't been his usual self for a while since they entered university, it wasn't obvious but not a lot gets past Haechan when it's about the Mark. 

“Speaking of Johnny-hyung, how is he? When we dropped you off he wasn’t home,” Haechan asks and Mark knows he’s just curious about Johnny but he can’t help but stiffen as he remembers the past events concerning the older. 

“He’s fine, he was over at a friend’s house then,” Mark says a little too fast and Haechan doesn’t miss the sudden change in demeanour in him so Haechan just quickly drops the subject regarding the older. They update each other about their classes when Haechan drifts to a story about Jeno and him finding this new cafe that he wants Mark to try some time. Mark doesn’t miss how Haechan’s face lits up when he was talking about Jeno.

Haechan was in the middle of talking about another story involving going out at 2 am because Jeno was craving for burgers when he noticed that Mark was looking at him with a smirk on his face. “What?” Haechan asks, brows furrowed.

“Nothing,” Mark answers with a shrug. “Just waiting for you to finish so I can finally ask you about how and when you and Jeno finally happened,” Haechan immediately blushes as he tries to form a response. This was a look Mark hasn’t seen before on Haechan. It's rare to get him this flustered and Mark was set on thoroughly enjoying it. 

_God knows how much he missed talks like these with Haechan._

———

“The movie was great!” Lucas immediately tells Mark as they exit the movie theatre. 

“You sure about that?” Mark asks back as they walk side-by-side towards Lucas' car. It was beginning to get dark and the wind was picking up so he tightly clutches his jacket closer to his body in order to preserve the remaining body heat he has when he felt Lucas wrap a warm arm around his shoulders. 

“Actually, it was the worst thing I’ve ever watched,” Lucas replies as Mark laughs merrily at his honesty.

“You slept for like, half the movie!” Mark argues as Lucas gives him a shy grin while scratching the back of his head. _He is so cute._

“That’s only ‘cause it was so bad!” Lucas argues and Mark can’t help but agree. They chose the movie because a lot of people seem to be talking about it but it only turned out to be an overrated mess. The plot was all over the place and the actors’ acting was absolutely cringe-worthy and Mark was happy he wasn't the only one who shared the sentiment. Honestly, the only thing good about watching the film was Lucas warm hand resting his hands on his thigh, gently rubbing and squeezing ever so often that it almost made Mark hard. _Almost._

“Next time, I’ll be picking the movie,” Mark tells him as he wraps an arm around Lucas’ waist, to be more comfortable and to get Lucas closer to him. They talk more about how bad the movie really was as the streetlights flicker open. _This is nice._

“I agree, this _is_ nice.” Mark didn’t notice that he said the last part out loud but he doesn’t regret it since the next thing he knew, Lucas was already pulling him to the side to kiss him.

“Your place or mine?” Lucas whispers from against Mark’s lips.

“Mine,” Mark replies, biting his lips as he feels the other pull him closer against his body. “My roommate’s out.” He adds as they both hurry towards Lucas’ car.

“Mark— F-fuck,” Lucas breathes out as the other starts pressing kisses on the side of his face. Mark slips his hand underneath Lucas’ shirt and smiles when he feels him flex his toned stomach. He let his hand slowly drift lower and Mark gives his inner thigh a hard squeeze. 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you teasing me at the movie theatre a while ago,” Mark whispers against Lucas’ ear as he continues to massage his inner thigh. Mark takes his time, moving his hand higher and higher, until he reaches Lucas’ clothed dick. He presses his palm against it and it earns him a moan from Lucas. 

“Mark,” Lucas says it like a warning as he grips the steering wheel tighter. They reach a stop light and the moment it turned red, Lucas twisted his head to quickly capture Mark’s lips. They kiss for a hot moment until Mark pulls away, waving a finger in his face.

“Eyes on the road,” He says teasingly as Lucas gives out a frustrated groan. Mark continues to rub Lucas from over his jeans, making it hard for the other to focus and was about to pull Lucas’ zipper down when he feels them come to a full stop. 

“You,” Lucas pulls Mark to him and kisses him heavily. He bites his bottom lip and it earns him a pleased moan from Mark. “Are a fucking menace, you know that?” He says as Mark gives him a dazed smile. 

They barely make it out of the car and Mark gasps as Lucas pins him to side of the elevator. He just wishes nobody gets on— actually, he doesn’t think even that could stop them. 

“Wanted this so much the moment I saw you in class,” Lucas murmurs against Mark’s neck after sucking a bruise there. 

"Really? How much?" Mark teases and watches Lucas sigh when he threads his hands through his hair. Lucas slips his tongue in Mark’s mouth and he sucks on his tongue in return.  “We’re here,” Mark breathes out as the elevators doors open to his floor. He grabs Lucas’ hands which were already making their way to the back of jeans and pulls him out to the hallway. 

"Such a tease," Lucas whispers. They reach the front of his door and Mark smiles against Lucas’ mouth as he shoves Mark a little to roughly against it.

“Easy,” Mark mutters, secretly loving it. He tries his best to unlock the door without being able to look at it and silently rejoices when he feels it open behind him. They enter in a hurry and it’s now Mark’s turn to push Lucas against the door. He quickly removes his jacket, dropping it to the floor and meets Lucas’ lips once again. Shivers run up and down his spine as he feels Lucas’ grip on his waist tighten until— he suddenly drops his hands from Mark’s body.

“What’s wrong?” Mark says as he feels Lucas stiffen against him. He tips his head to look at him only to find out that his attention was elsewhere. More particularly, _behind_ him. He slowly turns around and feels his ears redden when he sees 3 pairs of eyes looking at them. 

“Hi, Mark!” Yuta waves from the couch while Taeyong, who is beside him, tries his best to cover up the grin from behind his hand.

Taeyong was someone who Mark has only been recently acquainted with. He appeared in Mark’s doorstep one weekend and Mark legitiemtely thought he was dreaming from how defined the other’s features were. His face was already hard to miss and the dyed pink hair only added to how ethereal he looked. He introduced himself afterwards as Yuta’s roommate and Johnny’s friend. Mark let him in after to share the delicious chocolate-chip cookies the older said he just baked to share with him. He was less vulgar and calmer compared to his roommate but Mark is starting to realize they both share the same love of teasing people. 

“Hey,” Mark answers with an awkward wave of his hand. This is definitely _not_ happening.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Taeyong says, finally letting the wide smile show on his face while Yuta snorts from beside him. _Yeah, he’s definitely having a fucking nightmare._

“Yeah, guys meet Lucas.” Mark gestures to Lucas who gives them one of his charming smiles which actually impressed Mark. He looked like he wasn't caught grinding someone up against their front door just a few second ago. If he was embarrassed, he definitely didn't make it obvious. 

“Oh, so this is Lucas?” Johnny drawls out and Mark internally groans as he hears his voice. He was sitting on the couch with an annoying grin on his face that Mark wanted to _punch_. 

Johnny rises from his seat and slowly goes toward the both of them, eyes focused on Lucas. He reaches them and Mark suddenly feels _too_ small standing in the middle of the both of them. “I’m Johnny,” He says, extending a hand to Lucas who gladly grabs it.

“Oh! You’re Mark’s older brother!” Lucas says in a cheerful tone but his smile immediately drops slightly after feeling Johnny’s hands tighten a bit too much around his. 

“Step-brother, actually,” Johnny grits out, giving Lucas a serious look which the other returns it with an uneasy one. Mark looks between the both of them and feels a tension that confuses the hell out of him. _What the fuck is happening here?_

“Johnny, your food’s getting cold,” Taeyong announces after feeling a sudden shift in the room. Thankfully, that was enough to snap Johnny out of it. Taeyong doesn’t miss the subtle wince Lucas gave out when Johnny finally released his hand— poor boy probably didn’t know he was a few seconds away from getting it broken.

“You want to join us Lucas?” Yuta asks him with a smile but Lucas feels a little unsettled by it. 

“Yeah, um— maybe next time?” Lucas says as he makes a show of looking at his watch. “I just remembered I have this paper I need to finish and—“ Lucas gives an apologetic shrug at them and then turns to Mark who already picked up his jacket and was currently holding it out to him with one hand. “I’ll message you.” He gives Mark a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Yeah, sure.” Mark replies dejectedly before closing the door on him. _Well, this night went well._

“He’s cute,” Taeyong quips at Mark who was currently making his way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. 

“I thought you guys were going out?” Mark asks, too frustrated to be embarrassed at this point. Mark definitely overheard Yuta and Johnny talking this morning about going out tonight. It’s why he chose this night to go on a date with Lucas in the first place. If he only knew this was going to happen, they should’ve just went to Lucas’ place!

“Change of plans,” Johnny replies, not tearing his attention away from the movie that was playing on the television. 

Mark huffs and goes toward his room, not caring that he lets the door close a little too loudly.

“You petty piece of shit!” Taeyong whispers at Johnny in a volume he knew Mark couldn’t hear. “Is this why you suddenly told us to stay over at your place instead of going out?” Johnny was pretending that he wasn’t hearing Taeyong so the latter punched him in the arm. 

“That hurt!” Johnny says as he rubs his arm. It's true that they were supposed to go out tonight but when he overheard Mark talking to someone on the phone looking a little too cheerful, he couldn't help but eavesdrop some more. He told himself it was none of his business on who Mark wanted to date but when he heard him say _'I'll see you tonight, Lucas'—_ it just didn't seem right to him.

“I can’t believe you made me miss happy hour just so you could cockblock Mark,” Yuta adds with a stunned look at Johnny.

“I don’t know what you guys are talking about,” Johnny insists as Taeyong and Yuta share a look with each other.

“That’s just mean, man.” Yuta quips as he takes a sip from his beer. 

“Mark probably feels so bad right now.” Johnny isn’t facing Taeyong but he can feel the intensity of Taeyong’s glare as he said that to him.

“Not my problem,” Johnny retorts with a shrug, taking a bite off of his pizza and giving a brief look towards Mark’s room. 

_Not my problem._

———

After that night, Mark and Lucas had a difficult time setting a date to meet up again because of their clashing schedules. As a result, they drifted apart and what they felt for each other naturally died down. They still remained as good friends, though. Mark was slightly sad about what happened, of course, but it didn’t really affect him as much as he expected it to. 

If Mark was being honest, it was really bound for nowhere. Lucas was a great guy and they were a good match but he knew that the other was just looking for someone to fool around with. Mark would’ve agreed to that kind of arrangement a couple of months back with no discussion but right now— he simply wants something more than that.

When he made this realization, it was a little frightening because he never felt a deep longing for a serious relationship before. But he knew it was unavoidable. Whenever he was alone in the apartment or when his friends aren’t available, his thoughts would drift to imagining having someone who would always try to be with him no matter what _—_ who would always make sure that he’s never alone with his thoughts. He wants someone he could share his secrets to without a hint of hesitation. Or just simply someone who would be game to eat with at any time of the day, watch terrible movies with and just someone who would stay with him until the morning.

Just— someone who would love him as much as he loves them. 

Mark wearily grips his backpack as the elevator dings open to his floor. It was the last day of finals and Mark just finished his last test of the semester. He thinks he did fine, he's just thankful that he was able to make it through alive at this point. He has only had at most 4 hours of a sleep a day for the whole week and he can’t wait to sleep like a corpse. True love can fucking wait until Mark gets a good night sleep.

He was initially supposed to sleep over at Jaemin and Jeno's place since they invited him to a few days back but he made a last minute decision of rescheduling it. He wants to sleep in his own bed tonight as a reward for being able to complete each requirement this semester. It’s their break and  he knows he's going to have enough time catch up with them since they already set plans with each other. One day alone to sleep wouldn’t hurt. 

Plus, none of them were planning on going home. Apart from the drive that would just tire them out, Jaemin and Mark also have training that they can’t really avoid. He already informed Ji-eun and his father about it through text and he received a sad, passive-aggressive voice mail courtesy of Ji-eun which made Mark's day.

His friends and him already made a trip for the break which was the main reason why none of them wanted to go home but he didn’t have to tell Ji-eun and his father that. They plan on visiting town and the nearby beach to cool down since the rain finally let up, exposing clear skies and the bright sun. 

Mark opens the door and was once again greeted by an empty apartment. Mark doesn’t know what Johnny’s plan was for the break but he’s probably off again doing God knows what. _Or who,_ Mark’s brain unnecessarily adds. He had mentioned to the older that he was going to be sleeping at Jaemin and Jeno’s place for a few days because even if Mark’s harbouring unhealthy feelings for him, Johnny was still regarded as his his older _step-brother_. He also knew that Ji-eun had a tendency of asking Johnny where Mark is and how he’s doing so he told this to the older so there won’t be any unnecessary fuss about him. 

Not having enough energy to actually wait for delivery, Mark just made himself instant ramen because that’s the only extent of his cooking skills. He took a warm shower that eased his tense muscles and put on the most comfortable sleeping clothes he had. Once his head met his pillow, Mark was out like a light.

Only a few hours have passed until Mark suddenly jolted awake from a loud _thump_.  He took a glance at the clock on the side of his table and grimaced seeing it was the middle of the night. He hears another sound that was far too loud for this time of the night so he begrudgingly pulls himself from the comforts of his bed to look out his door.  He opens the door slightly only to see Johnny on the couch, arm hanging by the back of couch and looking relaxed. Mark was just about to close the door since it was just him when someone suddenly spoke. And it was an unfamiliar voice.

“Did you miss me?” The voice asks and Mark watches Johnny scoff before switching to a smile that seemed to reach his eyes.  He’s never seen Johnny with this much _delight_ etched on his face. 

“Did _you_ miss me?” Johnny boasts back at the person. Mark struggles to see a glimpse of the person Johnny was talking to but from this angle, he simply can't without revealing that he was eavesdropping. 

“You know I did,” The voice answers in a sultry voice while Johnny gives him a low chuckle. Mark hears gentle footsteps and the person Johnny was talking to finally comes into view.

And he was _gorgeous_. He had black hair which was contrasted by his pale and unblemished skin. He had a svelte figure but he was still a little smaller than Mark in terms of height. Mark just felt like he was a dancer from the way the unfamiliar person carried himself and the way he confidently struts towards Johnny. He also had a charming smile gracing his red lips but what was striking about him was his eyes _—_ they reminded Mark so much of a cat’s. Mysterious and seductive. 

_So this was the type of person Johnny liked._ He looked like the complete opposite of Mark. 

The person stands in front of Johnny and reaches out to brush his hands through his hair. Johnny closes his eyes in return, relaxing into the person’s hand until he grabs it to press kisses on the inside of the person's wrist. Johnny was looking at the person, eyes were practically twinkling and it was pissing Mark off. _Who the fuck is this guy?_

“It’s been such a long time since I saw you,” The person brushes his thumb over Johnny’s lips and Mark watches with jealous eyes as Johnny’s tongue dart out to lick it. 

“How do you plan to make it up to me, Ten?” Johnny pulls the person— _his name is Ten?_ — towards his lap and settles his hands low on his hips.

_Oh._

Mark ignores the pain he’s feeling in his chest as he watches Johnny slowly rub comforting circles on Ten's back. _They looked so good and absolutely comfortable with each other._

“Your brother isn’t home?” Ten asks and Mark furrows his brow. _Johnny talked to Ten about him?_

“Step-brother,” Johnny corrects the same time Mark corrects him in his mind. “And no, he told me he was going to be sleeping over at his friend’s house.”

“Really?” Ten hums. “Aren’t you worried about him? He might be—“ 

“Should we really be talking about him at this time?” Johnny interrupt him, slowly unbuttoning Ten’s shirt and exposing more and more of his flawless skin. 

“Well, he’s the reason why I'm he—“ Johnny draws a long kiss from the other, licking his lips and biting them which effectively stopped whatever it is Ten was about to say. Ten tips his head back with a sigh as Johnny buries his face in Ten's neck, sucking bruises. 

Ten pulls away from Johnny only to sink to his knees in front of him and Mark knows he should close the door to give them privacy but he can’t bring himself to do that. He sees the top of Ten’s head from his place in the door and when Johnny released a low groan, Mark practically felt it in his bones. 

“I missed your mouth,” Johnny grits out as he bites his lips from moaning out load. Mark can’t help but imagine that he was the one making Johnny feel that way. He would take whatever it is Johnny would give him and be _so good_ for him. He focuses on the pure pleasure etched on Johnny’s face and thinks what it would feel to have him in his mouth.

“F-Fuck— Ten,” Johnny moans as he tips his head back. 

Mark would be lying if he said that he doesn't secretly ogle at Johnny when he exits the bathroom fresh out the shower with his towel hanging low on his lips. The worn-out sweatpants he loved wearing didn't hide much either. It wasn't the first time Mark wondered how big he would feel in Mark's mouth. He's only had Dawon in his mouth and they weren't too far from each other in terms of size. He also wasn't even given the chance to suck Lucas off so Mark knows Johnny would be the biggest if he had the opportunity to suck him off. He's sure that he'd have a hard time trying to fit him in his mouth. He imagines Johnny fucking his mouth roughly and Mark trying his best to take all of him because he'd do _anything_ just to satisfy Johnny. The older would grip his hair as Mark finishes him off, drinking everything up to the last drop. 

“Enough,” Johnny growls as he pulls Ten to his feet and basically carries him towards his room. Mark barely had enough time to close the door because he was too deep into his thought but he knew he wasn't seen. The door beside his slams and even though they were out of sight, there was no doubt they were still at it from how _loud_ they were being. The walls weren't exactly thick making it all the more of a challenge for Mark to contain himself.

He sits on the edge of his bed and sees that he was already embarrassingly hard, he can’t believe he’s already like this just from hearing and seeing Johnny like that. Mark is certain he won’t be able to sleep at this point but he tries anyway. He doesn't want to touch himself, that would just be a new _low_ if he does that. _Getting off on Johnny fucking somebody else?_ He can't have that. He closes his eyes and wills himself to block everything out in order to sleep and he almost does— until a loud whine resonated followed by a groan and Johnny’s headboard banging against the wall. 

Mark rolls over and pulls a pillow over his head. He doesn't quickly notice how the angle has him pressing his desperate cock against his sheets until a gasp already makes it past his lips. He can't believe this. He clamps a hand over his mouth and silently grumbles in frustration. Might as well fucking get this over with. There no use fighting this. Like there's no use fighting what he feels for Johnny. 

He cups himself through his shorts and tugs his shorts down, finally succumbing to pleasure. He lazily strokes himself, trying to focus on how good it feels and not on the two people right next to his room. But it's so _difficult_. He can’t stop imagining that it was him that Jonny was fucking right now. Mark feels a spurt of pre-cum leak out his tip as he imagines Johnny on top of him and working him open. Mark rushes to grabs the small bottle of lube on his bedside cabinet and covers his fingers with it. He has to bite his palm to keep himself from moaning out loud when he circles a finger around his rim.

He's spent a lot of time observing Johnny’s fingers and he would be lying if he told himself that he hasn’t dreamt of those fingers fucking him. “F-fuck, hyung,” He murmurs against his palm. He shouldn’t be making noise but he can’t exactly stop himself right now, all he's thinking about is _Johnny_ while his cock twitches. He assures himself that his sounds are going to be drowned out by Johnny and Ten so letting a few sounds out won't hurt. He works a finger in himself and bites his lips to keep himself form crying out when he brushes against his prostate.  He opens his legs wider and tries to get into a position that would have him reaching deeper while he feels his cock twitch. He imagines Johnny relentlessly rubbing his prostate as he fucks him with his finger as Mark shakes from the stimulation. He hears Johnny give out another low groan and he just _knows_ Johnny's close. Like how Mark is. His movements are becoming frantic as he chases that feeling that always had him shaking. He hears Johnny moan one more time as the pounding of the headboard against his wall becomes faster. He is so _close_ —

Mark hears Johnny release a low groan that he could practically feel in his bones and his orgasm hits him so hard that he had to bite his pillow to keep himself from screaming. Mark slowly pulls his finger out of himself, legs shaking while trying to inhale as much oxygen as he can. 

He breathes hard for a moment until Mark slowly feels the feeling of emptiness creeping in his heart. _There it is._ When he was able to stand, he grabs a tissue to clean up the mess he made while trying to keeps himself from breaking down.  Mark can’t believe he just came to the sound of Johnny fucking someone else. That’s just a new level of _pathetic_. Mark tries to stop the sadness that was growing in his chest but he knows it’s never that easy. Especially when Johnny's concerned. 

He lies back down in his bed and stares at the ceiling for God knows how long until he sees sunlight already filtering through the blinds. Mark sits up from his bed and gathers his things to a bag. He needs to get out of here before they wake up. He feels like he's going to fall over anytime now from how delirious he is for sleep but he needs to get out. He needs to _breathe_ and he can't do that here.

Mark gingerly opens the door and slings his bag on his back, ready to go to Jaemin and Jeno's place which he should've went to in the first place. _Why does he keep on making the wrong decisions?_

“Hi,” He hears someone say from the kitchen and _fuck._ Mark turns toward the source and tries to fix a polite smile in his face but his facial muscles are just too tired to cooperate with him.

“Hey,” He replies, lacking enthusiasm. Mark hates to admit but he even looks more beautiful up close. Ten was wearing Johnny’s shirt and looking absolutely vibrant even in their early morning. Mark can only imagine how he looks right now, he looks— and feels— like he’s been through hell and back. 

“You must be Mark?” Ten asks with a gentle smile and Mark is absolutely baffled at how it's possible for him to look like that when he knows that it's only been an hour since they finished. And, he _knows_ this _._ He _waited_ for them to be done _._ There was only a wall dividing them and they didn't exactly have no care on how loud they were being.

“That’s me,” Mark says, rubbing his eyes. He just wants to go. 

“I’m Ten,” Even his voice is charming. _No wonder Johnny fell for him._

“Johnny is still sleeping,” Ten tells him and Mark wants to say that he didn't ask nor did he care but he stopped himself because he was _polite._ And because that's just how he is. Boring and polite Mark. 

“Ah,” He settles with a nod while shuffling his feet. Can't he just let him go now?

“He told me you slept at your friend's place,” Ten says and in a good day Mark would be up for a conversation because he actually looks like a good guy but knowing he's someone Johnny looks at with so much adoration, Mark just wants nothing to do with him.

“There was a quick change of plans," Mark explain. "I’m going there today,” He adds as his hands tighten around his backpack.

“I don't want to keep you," Ten tells him with another gentle smile and Mark hates how amiable he is being. Mark wants to hate him but he just seems so _perfect. "_ I’ll just tell him later you already left when he wakes up,” _Later?_ Mark remembers what Yuta told him the first time they met, that Johnny doesn’t just let anyone stay for long. _So, that means Ten is definitely someone special to Johnny?_ Mark feels another pang in his chest. 

“Okay,” Mark doesn’t want to stay a second longer in Ten's presence. _He’s jealous._ Ten's basically what Mark wants to be in Johnny's life. Looking at him just reminds Mark that he's never going to be that someone Johnny would want to keep by his side because he already has _him_.  “Thank you,” He mutters, ever polite.

“Stay safe!” Ten calls out. “Can I have one of your strawberry yogurts?” 

“Sure, knock yourself out.” Mark replies, not glancing back as he closes the door behind him. 

———

When Mark arrived at Jeno and Jaemin’s place, Haechan and Renjun were already there. They all take one collective look at him and immediately usher him in, placing a steaming cup of hot chocolate on one hand. 

“You look like shit,” Haechan says as he sits beside him in Jeno and Jaemin’s cramped apartment. It’s definitely smaller than their place but if he had to choose, he would rather have this. The place looks like it was _lived_ in, a little messy but infinitely more cozy compared to where he sleeps.  “You want to talk about it?” The rest of them were sitting on the floor, seeing there weren't exactly any chairs left. They were currently circling Mark, looking very concerned and Mark wants to cry. But he doesn't. He doesn't want to burden them with his worries. How is he going to explain it to them anyway? _I've been pining for my step-brother from the moment I saw him but he hates me and he's just pretending that he likes me so people won't ask questions and last night he brought his boyfriend to the apartment and fucked him while I touched myself imagining it was me he was having sex with?_ No fucking way. 

“Is it Lucas?” Jaemin asks with a hard stare. “Did that fucker let you down? I’m going to—” 

“No, no—“ Mark raises his hand to Jaemin, he was someone who joked around a lot but he was scary when you got him mad. “Lucas and I are just friends now—“ 

“Do you want me to punch him?” Jeno asks, adjusting his glasses. Mark only saw him lose his temper once and he doesn’t want to see that happen again so he tries to stop them from making any assumptions that could probably harm Lucas.

“No—“ Mark says with a sigh. “It’s not Lucas,” He mumbles.

“Then who did this to you?” Renjun asks with a frown. 

“No one,” Mark lies through his teeth, not wanting to talk about it anymore. They stay silent for a moment and he's thankful they don't press him about it but instead wait for him to speak. Mark arranges his thoughts and tries to give them a reason why he looks like this because he doesn't want them worrying over him anymore. “This semester was just one hell of a rollercoaster and the when I got home, I kind of just broke down from _everything,”_ Mark explains and this was half-true, he didn’t realize right away that he’s been bottling up so much frustration. it just so happened that seeing Johnny with Ten was the last straw. Because instead of having someone to come home to that would hold him as he releases his pent-up frustration, he was forced to listen on to the man he likes— who’s mainly the reason why he’s so frustrated— have sex with another guy. _Ouch._ Mark clenches his fists as he's reminded of it once again.

He feels Haechan wrap an around him and moments later he feels them all crowd to him, rubbing his back and circling their arms around him. 

“Thanks, guys." Mark feels a little better, drained out but his heart lightens a little bit. He's so grateful for his friends. He knows he's not being completely honest to them and they know it but the fact that they still welcome him makes him realize how lucky he is. "Enough,” Mark says and they all pull back away from him. One more second and he might just truly break down in tears in front of them and he doesn’t want to ruin the mood any longer. It was their break and they should be happy, not consoling their sulking friend. He clears his throat and tries to give them the best smile he can manage right now. “So, what’s the plan?” They all return his smile and proceed to tell him what they’re planning for the next days as Mark tries to listen on, forcing himself to be in this moment and not in the past. It was a struggle but he manages. 

While Mark was in the middle of asking Jaemin and Jeno about where to eat, Haechan was silently observing him. _Mark is not telling me something._ Haechan feels a frown form on his face and watches the hand that was gripping Mark’s hand. _I’m so worried for you._ Haechan wants to say but from how he shut them down a while ago, this definitely isn’t the right time to make him open up. Maybe when they’re alone. He just hopes Mark would be ready by then. 

“What do you think, Haechan?” He didn’t realize that he has been staring aimlessly at the side of Mark’s face for quite some time now that when he turned to his friends, they were all looking at him expectantly. 

“What?” He asks, not really paying attention to what they were talking about. 

“You’re buying the drinks,” Renjun says with a grin.

“What? I bought the drinks last time too!” Haechan roars. “I don’t have money anymore!” He argues which earns him a laugh from everyone. He looks at Mark and notices that he was also smiling but it doesn’t reach his eyes like it always does. 

“Don’t worry,” Mark adds. “I’ll buy them. It’s been a while since I last treated you guys, anyway.” They cheer and Haechan tries not to let his worry show on his face. Mark wouldn’t want him looking at him like this. “Let’s just have fun this break, we deserve it.” He tells them and Haechan silently agrees as they all express their excitement. Mark definitely wants to forget about something and Haechan’s going to let it pass for now. He seems like he doesn’t want to talk about it now so might as well just focus on making this creak a good one for him. He feels someone put a comforting hand on his shoulder and Haechan doesn't have to look to know who it belong to. 

_We’re going to have to talk about whatever this is and I’m going to make sure of it._

_Because you deserve to be happy._

_———_

The beach trip was definitely something Mark needed. It reminded him of their days in their hometown. He knows that those memories weren’t that long ago but he feels like it’s been ages since he felt this happy. The trip made Mark feel like himself again and saying it was great felt like an understatement. The past few days were filled with sunshine, shared stories and general goofing around with his friends, something which wasn’t entirely new. But Mark found a new found energy from the short time they were together.

Unfortunately, like all good things, they all come to an end. Mark sighs as the elevator dings, signalling that he reached his floor. He can help but be reminded of _that_ night but he knows he’ll be able to handle the situation better now and in a better light. He just let it affect him too much since he had a lot going on but now that he had time to breathe, he’s fine again. _Or so he thinks._ He can’t exactly avoid this any longer since the apartment is where he lives and seeing Johnny was something inevitable. 

Actually, he shouldn’t be thinking of that in the first place. It's his life and he should live it. He shouldn't try and push his feeling away. If he's happy, he'll let himself be happy and if he's sad, he'll let himself be sad. Easier said than done since he's so used to locking away his feelings but at least he's aware about it and trying to change his ways.  Anyway, that _incident_ is in the past and it’s nothing to him now. Johnny can have sex with whoever he wants. Mark has no right to tell him who to be with, anyway. He’s his own person and Mark is just his _step-brother_. 

Mark massages his temples as he tries to ease his building headache. He thought his head was hurting because he was hungry but it looks like the only thing that can cure this was medicine. Even with a headache, Mark still feels nothing can put his mood down right now. He’s still floating from happiness and he’s going to relish this feeling as long as it lasts. 

He nears his apartment and becomes confused when he hears people talking from behind the door. _Maybe Taeyong and Yuta are over,_ he thinks but the voices were unfamiliar to him. He brings out his keys and finds himself smiling as he hears Yuta’s very familiar laugh. He opens the door, expecting to see the older but was a little surprised when he sees more people than expected. 

Mark stands rooted to his spot as he took in all the people in their apartment. There was Yuta and Taeyong— just like he predicted, along with four very unfamiliar faces.

“Mark! You’re back!” Yuta gushes, running towards him. He jumped into his arms so Mark had no choice but to drop his bags to catch the older who immediately wrapped his legs around him. “I missed you!”

“Yeah, missed you too,” Mark croaks, not expecting to be carrying someone like Yuta the moment he entered the apartment. 

“Yuta, let the boy breathe!” Taeyong says— Mark secretly thanks him— and Yuta drops to stand on his own legs, hauling Mark towards the unfamiliar people occupying the living room. 

“Everyone,” Yuta announces as he hooks an arm around him. “This is Mark,” The younger sees all eyes drift towards at him and feels his face redden as the attention was a little overwhelming. Yuta sits him down on the couch and introduces each one of them. Mark can’t help but notice how attractive they all seem to be. _Is there a shoot in campus?_

“This is Mark?” The one on Taeyong’s left —Jaehyun— asks with a glint in his eyes. “I get it now.” His deep voice was actually a pleasant surprise but his eyes seem like they know something you don't.

“Get what?” Mark can’t help but ask as Taeyong slaps Jaehyun's arm.

“Don’t mind him,” Taeyong says with a roll of his eyes. 

“What’s your major?” Taeil inquires. Yuta mentioned that he was Johnny’s previous roommate who was visiting them on his day-off and Mark can’t help but like the sense of calm he brings into the room. Taeil’s question tears Mark’s attention away from Jaehyun and Taeyong who appear to be whispering furiously at each other. Mark answers him as the other nods in what seems like approval.

“You’re a first year right?” Someone with a pleasant voice asks and Mark turns to see it was someone Yuta names as Jungwoo. He think that the perfect way to describe him is angelic-looking. “I’m only a year older than you,” He tells Mark that they should meet up some time when he’s free, he could show him more of the campus. 

“He already finished the semester,” Doyoung—who was sitting on the arm of Jaehyun’s chair — adds and Mark can’t help but liken his features to that of a bunny. A very attractive bunny with kind eyes and a gummy smile. “I’m sure he’s used to it already.” 

“Well, you can never be too sure.” Jungwoo says with a wink to Mark. 

“Hey! I saw that!” Yuta calls out Jungwoo who only shrugs at him in return. Mark has never seen this much people in their apartment before, it made the spacious living room a little small which was new for Mark. It was actually _pleasant._ So these are Johnny’s friends? 

“Where’s Johnny-hyung?” Mark sits back down after grabbing water from the kitchen. He can't find the bottle of aspirin on the counter, he's sure it was just there the last time he was here. 

“He went to grab drinks for us,” Doyoung answers, sitting at the arm of Jaehyun’s chair. He was looking a little uncomfortable but just before Mark could offer his seat, he saw Jaehyun ask if they should switch places. Doyoung shakes his head in reply, instead placing a hand on the back of Jaehyun’s chair to adjust his position. 

“He lost a game,” Jaehyun adds with a smirk. Mark takes one more look around the room and sees everyone making small conversation with each other and he takes it as his cue to go.

“Well, it was nice meeting you guys so I'll just leave you guys to talk.“ Mark says, rising from his seat. 

“No,” Yuta pulls him down. “Stay.” 

“Stay for a little while, Mark.” Taeil says sincerely and Mark thinks how hard it was so say no to him. He gazes at everyone’s welcoming faces and decides he could stay for a few minutes until Johnny gets back.

“Alright,” He says as he tries to make himself more comfortable. They ask him a few more questions and Mark tries to answer them all all the while denying Yuta and Taeyong exaggerated side-comments. They really live to tease the hell out of him but he won't have it any other way. 

“Ah, I miss the beach,” Jaehyun mutters with a frown after Mark mentioned that he and his friends just got back from a trip to the beach.

“It’s been so long since we've been there,” Taeyong agrees while playing with the back of Yuta’s hair. 

“I want to swim!” Yuta exclaims as Taeyong massages his fingers through his hair. 

“I think you need a haircut,” Taeyong comments at Yuta who then whispers something back to him.  “I never said that!” Taeyong hisses, blushing furiously.

"Want me to remind you?" Yuta replies with a wink that earned him a punch from Taeyong but everyone knew it lacked force.

“Anyway,” Doyoung says after a pointed look directed to the both of them. “What if we just take a trip to the beach for Johnny-hyung’s birthday?” Doyoung asks with a snap of his fingers while the other agree. 

Mark is suddenly reminded that Johnny’s birthday was indeed coming up and it was the first one he’s going to celebrate with Mark around since he was always university when his day came. _So that’s why they were all gathered here?_ They were talking about what to do for Johnny’s birthday. Mark doesn’t voice it out loud but it’s great that Johnny has these people who seem to care about him a lot. 

“It’s on a Friday, right?” Taeil asks and they all nod. “I can’t.” He declares and they all groan in response. 

“Can’t you take a day-off? Who works on Saturday?” Jungwoo protested.

“You know I can’t,” Taeil replies with an apologetic smile. “I’m really close to a promotion,” He reveals to them and since it was a very valid reason, they had no choice but to drop the beach idea. 

“Let’s just throw him a surprise party like what we originally planned,” Doyoung says and they all agree. “So, Yuta and Taeyong’s place?” 

“Why?” The both of them cried in unison. 

“‘Cause it’s much more spacious and your neighbour isn’t a cranky old man who calls the cops at the slightest amount of noise?” Doyoung tells him with a roll of his eyes. “I am so close to punching that old man, manners be damned. I can’t wait to get out of our place.” He adds with a groan while Jaeyhun gives him a comforting pat on the back. 

"Is that the same person who called the cops because they thought Jaehyun was being murdered?" Taeyong asks as they all laugh. 

"I remember that," Jaehyun says with a dazed smile. "It was the night Doyoung and I—" 

"Alright!" Doyoung interrupts him, ears red while they laugh at him. Taeyong and Yuta end up agreeing and Mark listens on as they plan it all out. Mark feels out of place as they talk about Johnny but he knows he can’t exactly make an exit soon with Taeyong blocking his way. 

“What are you guys planning on giving him?” Jungwoo asks them.

“Johnny-hyung is the hardest person to buy gifts for,” Jaehyun grumbles and all of them agree. 

“He already has like,” Jungwoo makes a gesture with his hands. “Everything!” 

“That and the fact that he doesn’t like gifts makes it difficult, too.” Taeil agrees. 

Mark knows they exactly don’t have a good relationship with each other because he doesn’t know what to call whatever act they’re playing to people right now but he still thinks he should give the older a gift. It’s just plain rude to ignore someone when it’s their birthday. Especially when you live with them. And when you’re their _step-brother_. 

It might even be the first step of _correcting_ this living arrangement they have. _Like a peace-offering, maybe?_ It’s becoming too much work avoiding the other when all Mark wants is to grab a water from the refrigerator without having to be in the look out for him. Johnny’s also spending more and more time at the apartment so it’s slowly getting impossible to be out of his way because even Mark gets a little restless inside his room. He wants to spend his time reading in the living room, too. 

“You know what he likes, Mark?” Jaehyun calls his attention.

“I have no idea,” Mark says honestly. He truly doesn’t. 

“What about accessories?” Doyoung suggests and Mark is suddenly reminded of the bracelet he gave Johnny all those years ago and silently want to scream, _no!_

“Like a necklace?” Jaehyun guesses. “Or a bracelet!” Mark cringes at the suggestion. 

“I don’t think Johnny-hyung likes accessories,” Jungwoo tells them and Mark silently agrees. That's right, he _doesn’t._ “Never seen him wear anything apart from his watch.” 

“Yeah, the only thing he likes are watches.” Taeil adds and Mark can’t help but wonder if it would be different if he gave Johnny a watch? Mark mentally shakes his head. _The gift wasn’t the problem, dumbass. He hated is cause you were the one who gave it to him,_ Mark tells himself. 

“But the watches he likes are so fucking expense,” Yuta groans.

“Wait,” Doyoung says suddenly and they all face him. “What do you mean he doesn’t like bracelets?” They look at him, confused. “I remember him wearing one.” 

“I don’t remember him wearing one.” Yuta says with a frown.

“Come on, Yuta,” Doyoung says with a roll of his eyes. “I know you know what I’m talking about. It was silver.” Mark gulps. _Could it be?_

“Wait, I think I do remember him wearing a bracelet!” Jungwoo agrees. “It was really thin and he always wore it on his right the wrist with his watch so it wasn’t really obvious.” Mark feels his breath hitch. They’re literally describing what he gave Johnny years ago but that’s not possible, right? Johnny practically told him he hated it. 

“Oh,” Taeil mutters. “I know that, he wore that when he moved in with me.” 

“See!” Doyoung says with a clap.

“Yeah, but he doesn’t wear it anymore,” Jaehyun says. "Wonder why?"

“He probably lost it,” Taeyong guesses. 

“Yeah, but I think he only lost it last summer, it's only now that he stopped wearing it.” Doyoung still doesn’t let up. “I remember him wearing it all the time. He looked like he really loved it.”

They switch to another topic but Mark wasn’t following anymore. He was too deep in thought. Could it be that Johnny actually wore the bracelet he give him? _Who am I kidding?_ Somebody else might have given him another bracelet. _It was probably from that Ten person if he loved it so much._ Mark says with a frown. It was simply impossible that Mark’s bracelet was the one they were talking about. That’s what he tells himself but a part of him still want to believe that it was the bracelet he gave Johnny. 

“Johnny-hyung sure took his time—“ Jaehyun starts until the front door opens. _Speak of the devil._

Johnny enters the room, struggling to hold the drink in one hand while he tries to yank his key out of the lock. He has the worst luck in games. Screw rock, paper, scissors. He was ready to give them a piece of his mind when he suddenly spots Mark from the couch surrounded by his friends. _Ah, fuck._ He sets the cups down on the table and resists the urge to strangle Jaehyun when he saw that the other was looking at him with a glint in his eyes. 

“Johnny, Mark is home,” Yuta says in a sing-song manner with an equally devious smirk on his damn face. He wraps an arm around Mark who was looking at him with wide eyes. 

Mark was looking a little red— no doubt from their trip to the beach and Johnny can’t help but notice how cute he looks. All he wants to do is go over to him hug him. He only realized how much he missed the other after only 2 days of not seeing him. He knew he wasn't home a lot during last semester because he's been avoiding Mark— only because that's what the younger wanted — but honestly, he's been growing tired of it. And because he actually pulls energy from seeing Mark, even if Mark tries his best to get out of his way. He misses the soft footsteps in the morning just before Mark would go to training and the sleepy face that would greet him when he comes home, no doubt tired from school. 

Johnny even had to throw out the extra breakfast he cooked after realizing Mark wasn't there to eat it. He was too used to their morning routine.  Mark only mentioned to him that he was sleeping over at his friends but he couldn’t stop himself from looking at his Instagram posts to see exactly where they were headed. His phone seems heavy in his pocket as he remembers the saved photos he took of the younger from his and Haechan’s account. He scans him again Mark definitely looks better compared to when he last saw him. He looks more relaxed. Johnny doesn’t want to admit it but he’s bitter over the fact that Mark just seem to be _happier_ without him around.

“I see that,” Johnny drawls out to Yuta while he tries to look for a chair. "Hey, Mark." 

Mark didn’t want his disappointment to appear on his face. He's been gone for more than a week and that's the only thing he says to him. Also, is it really that hard to look at him for a longer while? "Hey." Mark replies in the same tone.

The other people in the room _definitely_ didn't miss the tension between the both of them. They gaze at each other with knowing looks as they all get their drinks from the middle of the table, thinking the same thing. _These two need to talk._

“Here," Mark stands up. "I was about to go to my room,” Mark says, trying to give Johnny his spot on the couch. It was time for him to go, anyway. Don’t want to overstay his welcome. 

“What are you talking about?” Yuta says as he pulls Mark down again to sit. “We haven’t asked you where you been yet.” He tells Mark as Johnny pulls a chair from the kitchen. Mark watches him warily as he settles himself beside Taeil, who claps a hand behind his back. 

“We haven’t seen you in like, a week,” Taeyong asks as he takes a sip from his yellow-colored drink. Johnny was now busy talking to Taeil and Mark tries not to look at Johnny. Mark _missed_ him, even after everything. 

“I stayed over at my friends’ apartment,” Mark explain and hears Taeyong hum beside him.

“Lucas’ place?” Taeyong asks him with wide eyes.  Mark didn't notice it but Johnny stopped talking to Taeil in order to hear their conversation. Johnny wonders, _Mark slept at Lucas’ house?_

“No!” Mark says a little too loudly that had everyone looking at him. “It— It didn’t work out,” Mark explains with a shrug as the both of them hum in response. Johnny secretely thanks the heaven above. He didn’t like Lucas. Not one bit. 

“Good,” Johnny mutters under his breath and Yuta whips his head towards him. 

“Did you say something, Johnny?” Jaehyun asks and _these fuckers,_ Johnny clenches his jaw and fixes Jaehyun a pointed look.

“I said,” Johnny says lowly. “Isn’t it time for us to go?” They originally planned on having dinner out since Taeil-hyung visited and they were planning on making this night count since it’s rare for him to join them nowadays. They all stand as Mark stays in his seat. 

“You want to come with, Mark?” Jungwoo asks with a smile that makes Mark want to get to know him more but he feels a yawn go past his lips. 

“I would love to,” Mark says as he takes a glance at Johnny who was busy putting on his shoes. “But I’m really tired and I just kind of want to sleep first,” He says honestly while the rest of them nod at him. Doyoung and Jaehyun pat him on the back with a brief _‘We’ll see you soon’_ while the rest of them wave good bye at him. He opens the door to them as Taeyong ruffles his hair and Yuta gives him a tight hug. Yuta always bids him goodbye like he won’t ever see him again and it never fails to make Mark feel warm. Johnny was the last one out of the door and Mark wants to reach out to fix the collar of his jacket but ultimately decides against it. 

“You want anything?” Johnny asks and Mark is a caught off-guard to say the least. “I think we’re headed to get pizza, want me to get you a slice?” He asks him and Mark’s heart shouldn’t be beating this fast. 

“I-I already ate before coming home,” Mark replies and it was true, they ate burgers before his friend dropped him off. “Thank you, though.” Mark adds sincerely. Johnny was already out in the hallway when Mark remembered something. _Might as well ask him._ “Actually, there’s one thing.” Johnny stops in front of the doorway. “Are you guys, by any chance, going to pass by a pharmacy?” 

“Are you sick?” Johnny asks with wide eyes, genuinely worried.

“No, I just have a headache.” Mark explain, wringing his hands on his shirt once again. “I couldn't find any medicine in the apartment,” 

“The bottle of aspirin is in my room—“ Johnny explains, getting ready to go in the apartment again until Yuta shouted from the elevator.

“Johnny, let’s go!” He shouted from the end of the hallway. “You’re holding up the elevator!” Mark peeks from the doorway and sees the rest of them waiting for Johnny with Doyoung stopping the doors from closing. 

“Just— Just get it in my room,” Johnny tells him. “It’s just in my desk, if I’m not wrong,” He adds as he runs towards his friends. Mark closes the door and clutches his head, it was starting to get a little painful. 

Mark goes towards Johnny’s room and hesitates before opening the door. The layout of the room looked exactly the same as his but Mark takes a moment because he's seeing Johnny’s _room._ He didn’t even set foot in the older’s room back in his house, even when he was gone. And now he’s _here_. He takes a curious look around and notices how neat it is, no clutter seen. Well, except for a hoodie hanging by the back of his chair and a few papers on his desk. He absentmindedly run his hands through the hoodie and tries to resist the urge of wearing it. It looks so comfortable and the idea of being wrapped in Johnny's scent makes his stomach warm. _If only._ He remembers the reason he was there when he spots the bottle of aspirin by the edge of his desk, just where Johnny said it would be. He knows he should go out of the room already but he takes his time looking around. He was already here, anyway. There was a shelf by his bed and the first thing he notices was Johnny's prized cameras, he had a few film ones and a digital one. He gingerly examines one of the film camera and settles it back down after a short while from fear of accidentally breaking it. 

Mark stands in the middle of the room and deeply inhales. The room smells just like Johnny. It even looks just how Mark imagined it would be. Neat, simple and masculine. Exactly how Johnny is. He comes to and quickly heads out even though he would want to stay in it a little bit more. The place felt so cozy and warm for some reason. Mark could even feel his headache slowly subsiding. _If only._

Mark heaves a sigh as he finally pulls himself to close the door behind him, bottle of aspirin in hand. 

Not noticing the notably _familiar_ jewellery box on the top shelf. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it!
> 
> Did you guys really think I won't write Ten in? Hahaha
> 
> Okay, I really have an outline for this story and it was supposed to be 5 chapters but I got carried away. I really enjoy writing the push and pull of Johnny and Mark's relationship, haha. I was actually surprised when I wrote this chapter because this wasn't even half of what I planned for the 4th chapter, there was supposed to be a lot more scenes. But when I was in the middle of typing it, I looked at the word count and saw that I already typed like, 10k words. Lol. And that was a problem 'cause I only wanted to have around 10k-11k words per chapter. Since there was still a lot I wanted to write with my word count reached, I had no choice but to change the number of my chapters because I don't want to cut my storyline short. 
> 
> I hope you guys don't get mad that I changed the chapter count esp if you clicked on this knowing it's only going to be 5 chapters :( and I hope you still stick with me 'til the end! Even if I can't tell you how many chapters it'll be. And even if I suck at writing the smallest bit of smut. Lol. 
> 
> Anyway, share to me your thoughts and what you think is going to happen. I would _love_ to hear you. Comments really keep me going so please, please, please talk to me.
> 
> Stay safe, everyone!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii. Hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> If there are any misspelling or grammatical errors, I apologize. That's all on me.

Mark stretches his arms over his head to try and ease the remaining tension on his body from training. The coach really put them through a lot today. He didn’t only add more laps, he modified their training to improve their core and upper-body strength. Mark covered up a yawn while walking the familiar hallway to his apartment. In other words, training today was _hell._ He unlocked the door, stumbling a bit when he removed his shoes and headed to the kitchen in search for food. 

What met him was Johnny’s back to his, humming to himself as he rummages around the refrigerator. Mark looked at his watch, Johnny usually was already out for his morning run at this time. _He overslept_ , Mark smiled. _Seems like he’s human, after all._ He gazed at the older and it was obvious that he had just woken up. His hair was sticking up and he was quietly singing along to the song playing on his earphones on so he probably hasn’t heard Mark come through the door.

“What the—” Johnny yelped as he turned around, almost dropping the pan he was holding. He didn’t hear anyone coming in so he was shocked when he suddenly spotted Mark standing by the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark says apologetically after successfully stopping himself from laughing at the image of Johnny, a 6 foot tall man, jumping at the sight of him. “I didn’t mean to surprise you.”

“It’s fine,” Johnny said with a wave of his hand, the other clutching his chest before yanking away his headphones. _I need to lay-off on the caffeine._ “Needed something to wake me up, anyway.” He added while Mark lets himself snicker. 

His hair was mussed up and this is probably the first time Mark saw him like this— well, apart from when he first arrived at the apartment which felt like ages ago. He looked _soft_ and _cute._ Mark just wants to wrap his tired arms around him and bury his face in his hoodie. _If only._

_Oh, that reminds him._

_“_ Happy birthday, hyung.” Mark says sincerely at him, eyes sparkling. 

“Thank you, Mark.” Johnny responds as he beheld the breathtaking smile that was gracing Mark’s features. And it was for _him._ It reminded him of the ones he used to give Johnny years ago— before he messed everything up. He watches Mark shuffle his feet and break his gaze and Johnny just wants to pull him towards him. 

“You’re welcome,” Mark replies, feeling his palms sweat from the intensity of Johnny’s gaze. “I-I’ll just be in my room,” He starts as he picks up his bag. 

“Wait,” Johnny calls out and Mark slowly turns towards him in attention. “Eat with me.” Mark’s eyes widened. “Are you really leaving me to eat alone on my birthday?” 

“Sure,” Mark says, putting his bag back down. “How can I help?” He asks after pulling his sleeves up. Johnny tells him what to do and Mark follows him with no hesitation. It’s just what he loves doing, ever since then. They work around each other and Mark doesn’t try to tamper down the butterflies he feels in his stomach.

It was so domestic and Mark _loved_ it. It reminded him of the mornings back in their house where they would both make breakfast together before anyone else has woken up. He knew that Johnny was already pretending to mask his dislike for Mark but he didn’t exactly make himself forget those quiet and calm mornings. _Ignorance is bliss_ , he guesses. Mark remembers watching Johnny cook while giving him the ingredients and utensils he asked for— it’s the only thing Mark could do then since the first and last time he took charge of the pan, he almost burned himself. Those memories were accompanied by the sound of bacon sizzling and the sweet smell of syrup covered pancakes wafting through the air. He knows those moment were bittersweet, knowing what Johnny felt about him then but he still treasures them to this day, nonetheless. 

They sit on the table and eat their breakfast in silence. Mark doesn’t feel the urge to talk and he felt that Johnny also doesn’t. Most of the time, silence between them were always awkward but it was different this time. It was _comfortable._ Mark expected Johnny to go when he finished eating before him but he just stood to refill his cup and sat back down on the table, as if waiting for Mark to finish. The younger took his time and wished the morning to span forever. When he was done, Johnny also stood up to wash his plate but Mark stopped him. 

“I got it,” Mark tells him, grabbing the plate from his hands. “Do you really want to spend your birthday washing dishes?” He asked with a raised brow. 

“Well, I'm not saying no to that,” Johnny tells him before giving his plate with a grateful smile. “Thanks.” 

Mark washes the plates as Johnny settles himself on the couch, flipping a book open to read. He was wiping the plates, finishing quickly since there wasn’t much to wash in the first place when he remembers about his gift to Johnny. He debates on whether he should give it now or later at the party. Wait, is he even invited to the party? Johnny’s friends told him that they're expecting to see him but _still_. It was Johnny’s party and his mood might drop when he sees Mark fitting himself in with his friends. Mark ponders about it for few minutes and ultimately decides on giving the gift to him now since he wasn’t entirely sure about going to the party. Also, the timing just feels right in this moment.

He goes to his room and quickly grabs the box he kept hidden in his closet. The contents weren’t heavy but when he was drawing closer to Johnny, the box started to become heavy in his hands. Johnny was lying on the couch with his hand over his eyes when Mark tapped him on the arm to get his attention. 

Johnny was debating whether he would still go for a morning run when he felt a gentle tap on his arm. He pulled himself to a sitting position and saw Mark holding a box before him. The younger was refusing to meet his eyes, gaze focused on the box and Johnny is suddenly reminded of a similar setting just before he went to university. That day feels like yesterday to him. He remember the look on Mark's face when he carelessly threw the box on his back seat and Johnny shakes his head to remove the awful memory. He won't be making the same mistake he did back then. He handled that situation poorly and it has been one of his regrets for the longest time already. 

“Happy Birthday,” Mark repeats softly this time, heart pounding. “I don’t know if you’ll like it,” Mark starts and Johnny thinks how impossible that is. 

Johnny still keeps the bracelet Mark gave him years ago and has religiously worn it until Mark had to move with him, he didn’t want to make it obvious how much he treasured the bracelet. Especially after telling the younger that he hated it. It would be weird if Mark saw him with it especially when he told the younger that he hated it. When he received the bracelet, he made a show of regarding it as something completely useless when in reality, after he was out of sight, he pulled over to properly wear the bracelet. Ever since then, he treated the bracelet like it was priceless. _Which it is._

“Thank you,” Johnny replies with a smile that reached his ears. He gingerly opens the box, already infinitely grateful and happy even before he saw what was inside. He can’t believe Mark still went on to give him a gift even after how Johnny treated him. Johnny doesn’t know what he did in his past life— because God sure knows he’s done nothing good to him at all in this life— to have an angel like Mark. 

“I know it’s not much.” Mark fidgets with the edge of his shirt and Johnny smiles, some things don’t change. “But I really don’t know what to give you but I still wanted to give you something—“ 

“I love it, Mark.” Johnny interrupts him and Mark finally musters up the courage to look him in the eye after he felt the sincerity dripping from Johnny’s voice. 

“When I got the bottle of aspirin from your room, I saw your film cameras and I really didn’t snoop around your things, I promise—” This was half-true so it still counts. “I saw your film cameras and I took a picture of one which I think was the one you frequently use because I saw you bringing it a couple of times before,” Mark knows he was rambling at this point but he wants to properly explain this to Johnny. “And I showed it to the attendant at that camera store downtown and he told me those are the film rolls you need for it and—“ 

“Mark,” Johnny stops him and Mark's breath hitches. “I love it. Thank you.” 

“Are they right?” Mark asks. He had such a hard time trying to figure out what he could give the older when he remembered how Johnny loved film cameras so he decided to give him film rolls. It wasn't special but he always wanted to give Johnny something he could use. 

“They’re perfect.” Johnny says with a charming smile and Mark feels his knees buckle. “Thank you.” He says again and Mark feels like he’s walking on air. 

“You’re welcome,” Mark beams at him. He can’t believe he did something right for once with Johnny! He’s so ecstatic and he’s sure it’s showing in his face.

“Actually— wait here,” He says, standing up from his spot and towards his room. He exits just a few seconds after with his film camera on one hand. “Let’s put it now.” He says with excitement written all over his face— like a kid with a new toy— and Mark feels himself smile too. 

He must really treasure his cameras, Mark thinks as he watches Johnny handle his camera with so much care. “You really love photography, don’t you?” He asks before he could stop himself. 

“I do,” Johnny says with a twinkle in his eyes. “More than anything.” Mark watches in fascination as Johnny opens up his film camera. 

“Why do you like film cameras? I saw that you have a digital one, aren’t those easier to use?” Mark says and Johnny pauses to look at him, _did he say something wrong? Did he just screw up again?_

Johnny takes a deep breath and leans back on the couch as if he's thinking deeply. “When I shoot film, I feel like it just makes my photos more authentic,” Johnny explains and Mark sees something change in his eyes. “The fact that the colors just seem to come out better is also a huge plus. But most importantly, it slows me down— something I’ve been forgetting to do in this life. When you’re shooting film, you pay more attention to your subject— you start think whether it’s worth it or not because literally every shot counts. You can't back shots compared to digital ones.” Johnny says with passion burning in his eyes and Mark is _hypnotized_. He can listen to Johnny talk about film cameras all day. “That’s why I only take pictures of things I find special and extremely important to me.” He muttered with serious look to Mark. 

Mark’s mind reverts back to the film photos and polaroids he saw on Johnny’s wall when he went to his room. There were a lot of pictures of different subjects. There were landscapes, the sky during different times of the day and of his friends— most of them he had seen before because they were the same ones he had on his Instagram account. However, there were also a few ones that he hasn’t seen before and Mark finally realizes why. 

The ones he didn’t post were also of his friends and of himself but he felt like they were significantly more important and intimate. Mark could feel that they were pictures only a handful of people are supposed to see and he winces when he realizes that he probably shouldn’t have taken such a good look at them. He isn’t someone Johnny would want to show those pictures to, he’s sure. Those pictures are reserved to his close friends— and maybe _Ten._ Mark pushes the heavy feeling in his chest as he remembers seeing a couple of pictures with Ten in the frame. There was even one with Johnny and him looking extremely _close_.

“But digital cameras are still handy, though,” Johnny adds and it brings Mark back. “Especially phone cameras. They're really handy when you need to take a quick picture of your drunk friends who are seconds away from making a complete embarrassment of themselves.” Johnny laughs and it does wonders to Mark's heavy heart. 

“I agree,” Mark replies. How can someone be the reason for the pain in his heart and also the only one able to fix it in a second?

“I actually ran out of film rolls already so I’ll definitely be able to use these already tonight.” Johnny explains as he settles his camera and Mark’s gift on the table carefully.

“Tonight?” Mark asks, brows furrowing. _He knows about the party?_

“You don’t have to look confused,” Johnny says with a smirk. “ Aren’t you used to my friends? I know you know that they’re not exactly the most subtle people around.” He says with a laugh.

“Seriously, how did you know?” Mark asks with a raised brow, not believing him. Mark’s extremely confident Yuta can keep a secret to his grave but maybe that’s only because he’s _Yuta._

“Jaehyun slipped,” Johnny says. “He’s not really the best at keeping stuff like that a secret.” _Oh._ Mark totally sees Jaehyun accidentally revealing the surprise party to Johnny.

“Doyoung-hyung’s going to kill him.” Mark says with a shake of his head while Johnny snickers. He looks at how casual Johnny is right now, letting himself laugh openly even if it’s only Mark around, and it makes him glad. It’s only been such a short time but he feels he’s come a long way already compared to the other times when it’s just them.

“You’re going, right?” Johnny asks him with inquiring eyes and Mark is stunned once again. Johnny’s asking him if he’s going? Does that mean he wants him to go? _Or is he just being polite?_ Mark frowns at the last one.

“I don’t know,” Mark trails. 

“Come,” Johnny says in a low voice that had Mark feeling something warm in his stomach. “I want you to.” He adds, eyes not tearing themselves from Mark’s. 

“O-Okay,” Mark answers, stomach still doing backflips. 

“Good,” Johnny says as with a nod. “Plus, I don’t think it really matters if you want to or not,” Mark definitely wants to. “‘Cause I’m pretty sure Yuta and Tayeong are going to hunt you down and drag you there.” This earns a laugh from Mark because he can definitely see that happening. “Actually, I think they all would drag you there— they all already took a liking to you. Especially Taeil-hyung.” He says and Mark knows it shouldn’t matter that his friends like him when Johnny himself doesn’t but that doesn’t keep Mark from feeling warm all over. Johnny flips the television on and Mark takes it as his cue to go. He’s done great so far and Johnny hasn’t appeared the least bit annoyed at him so might as well make his exit before he loses his patience. He doesn’t want Johnny to think that Mark can’t take a cue that he doesn’t want him around anymore. “Have anything you want to watch?” Johnny suddenly asks.

“Well,” Mark settles back down on his seat, the question catching him off-guard but he quickly masked it. He’s going to make the most out of this moment for as long as he could. “There’s this action film that just came out on Netflix,” Johnny gives him the remote wordlessly and Mark takes it in his hands, not shying away when their hands brushed against each other.

“Let’s watch it.” Johnny says with a smile that Mark can _never_ get enough of.

———

Mark watches Doyoung and Taeyong make their final arrangements to the room and he’s surprised that they were able to set this at such short notice when not even two hours ago, Yuta was still doing their laundry before going to keep Johnny away before the party. 

Actually, why did he even think that? He’s seen how systematic Taeyong is and with Doyoung to the equation, he wouldn’t have expected anything less. The both of them probably have everything in their lives sorted out, even the little tasks. Well, Mark remembers Yuta spilling the flour Taeyong was using for his muffins and Jaehyun forgetting to pick up the cake Doyoung ordered and thought— maybe not everything. But Mark knows they don't mind those little accidents but only as long as the ones at fault are those two people. He actually went to Yuta and Taeyong’s place a little early to help them set-up and saw most of them already there, except for Taeil-hyung who only arrived a few minutes ago from work. 

There weren’t really a lot of people and Mark knows that Johnny’s close friends made it as so because this is what the older would’ve liked. There were a lot of unfamiliar faces since most of them were older than Mark but he thinks he has seen a few of them around campus. Jungwoo’s probably the only one around Mark’s age which was more than fine because he kept him entertained and laughing ever since he arrived. Jungwoo was in the middle of telling a story about a professor Mark also had last semester when Doyoung announced that Johnny a nd Yuta were already on the elevator. 

They all stood near the door and Mark resisted the urge to laugh out loud when Johnny entered with a ‘surprised’ look on his face that was obviously exaggerated. He greeted everyone afterwards, saying how he didn't expect the party at all and when he reached Mark and everyone else, they made sure to call him out for it.

“We went through hell and you weren’t even surprised?” Doyoung glares. 

“What do you mean? Didn’t you see my surprised face?” Johnny answers as he does a replay of his comical ‘surprised’ face while Mark and Jungwoo laugh at him. The rest of them had their arms crossed, not really finding it the funniest thing he has ever said but Mark knows they weren’t serious. They just wanted to know how he wasn’t surprised when they made sure nothing came out.

“How did you know?” Taeyong asked. “Who snitched?” 

“Mark, please tell me it wasn’t you.” Yuta begs as he wrapped his arms around Mark. 

“No, it isn’t Mark,” Johnny says with a wave of his hand and a quick glance at Yuta who immediately raised his hands up from Mark’s waist with a smile. “Blame Jaehyun.” He points to the said man who was already busy drinking from a red cup. 

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung asks, scandalized. They all turn their attention towards him and his eyes widen in return, entirely clueless. 

“Wait, it’s a surprise party?” Jaehyun asks, throughly confused that had all of them groaning. 

“You were there when we were talking about it!” Taeyong argues as he throws his hands up in the air in disbelief.

“Oops?” He said with a pout that had most of them rolling their eyes. They looked exasperated for a moment but Mark knew they weren't serious nor was the irritation supposed to last.

“I’ll deal with you later.” Doyoung whispered against Jaehyun’s ear. The hand gently rubbing his arm was in contrast to his tone and to what he was saying. 

“I know, I'm counting on it.” Jaehyun winks while Jungwoo and Yuta make gagging noises at them. 

“Still, I appreciate you guys doing this for me,” Johnny says sincerely, pulling everyone’s attention back to him. “Thank you.” They give him hugs and pats on the back while Mark watches on, a smile on his lips. Johnny leaves them a few moments after to talk to his guests. The rest of them get food and drink before making themselves comfortable on the couch. 

“No date?” Jaehyun asks him. 

“Nope.” Mark replies with a shake of his head. 

“How come?” Jaehyun asks, taking a swig of his beer while Mark shrugs. “If you want, I could introduce—“ 

“Jaehyun,” Johnny returns to them and settles himself on the couch with Mark on his right. “Let’s take is slow.” He warns Jaehyun who gives him a wink before going to refill his cup. Johnny was holding two cups, one of which he gives to Mark. 

The younger was just about to decline the cup when Johnny settles it in between his hands, leaving him no choice. He looks at the contents, trying to remember what Haechan gave him and hoping it wasn’t the same when he noticed that it was just water. He breathes a sigh of relief and mumbles a quick _‘thank you’_ before taking a sip. 

“You’re not drinking?” Jungwoo asks when he notices that what Mark drinking was clear. 

“Yeah, I don’t really hold alcohol well.” Mark explains in an embarrassed manner while Johnny snorts from beside him.

“Last time he got drunk— Hey!” Johnny tries to say before Mark elbowed him to keep him from talking so now he’s stuck rubbing his side. 

They _definitely_ don’t need to know that. Mark turns toward him and was met with eyes looking at him with pure mischief. He didn’t notice they were already sitting so close to each other. Johnny was looking at him again like he was challenging him again and Mark can’t help but smirk in response. He holds Johnny’s stare and unconsciously licks his lips, the older following the movement. 

“So,” Taeyong clears his throat and the both of them break their gaze from each other. “Didn’t you invite your friends, Mark?” 

“I did but they won’t be able to come. Renjun’s parents are visiting him before going back to China and they all promised his parents that they would meet them.” Mark explains. “They’ve been actually wanting to meet you guys for some time now.” He adds. “Especially Yuta-hyung.” Mark sees the older grin like he won something while Taeyong rolls his eyes at him.

This was entirely true. Renjun’s parents are visiting today, something that has been set and in their schedules since two weeks ago. Holding it off wasn’t also possible since they’ve already made a promise to Renjun’s parents whose schedules are pretty hectic. He already gave Renjun's parents a call a while ago, apologizing that he won't be able to go but they all understood him. His friends were all bummed about not being able to go to the party but Mark told them there’s still going to be chance for him to introduce them to everyone. 

“Tell me when they’re coming over.” Yuta tells him. 

“We’ll bring you guys cookies!” Taeyong adds with a grin while Yuta looks at him with a fond smile on his face. 

“I will.” He answers them both with a smile. "As long as they're double chocolate-chip ones!" He adds as Taeyong tells him that he'll add muffins too. 

Mark could feel the warmth coming from Johnny beside him and he would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. They weren't exactly talking to each other but Mark felt that they could've been from how close they were to each other. It was comforting and it’s taking everything in Mark not to pull Johnny more to him. Their legs were touching against each other and Mark wants nothing but to hook his leg on top of the older’s just so he could be closer. He think sitting on his lap would also be nice. Whichever is fine, really. Taeil was telling them a funny story about one of his co-workers when Johnny suddenly stood up, startling all of them. He glanced at the other and saw that he was grinning from ear to ear towards the front door. Mark follows his gaze and— 

_Oh, Ten’s here._

Mark feels all the energy drain out of him the second he realized who it was.He grits his teeth and watches Johnny give Ten a hug, practically lifting the other off the floor. He glares at them from his spot on the couch as Ten rubs his hand on Johnny’s arm, eyes twinkling. 

“That’s Ten, if you’re wondering.” Taeyong informs him. He suddenly felt Mark stiffen beside him and when he followed his line of view, he saw Ten talking to Johnny. 

“I know,” Mark grits out, turning his back on the sight. He doesn’t want to see them. “They sure look close.” He comments under his breath while Doyoung scoffs at his statement. 

“More than close,” Taeil adds and they all laugh except for Mark who was clenching his fist in irritation. So everybody knew they were a thing? 

“They’re just good friends.” Taeyong says, throwing a nervous glance at Mark who was fidgeting with his shirt.

“When did Ten-hyung come back?” Jungwoo asks with wide eyes. 

“During break, I think?” Doyoung replies and they drift to another topic. Mark is thankful that they didn't elaborate on him anymore but Jungwoo's question had him wanting to ask more questions regarding Ten. 

Seems like they were all acquainted with Ten. Mark doesn’t want jealousy to show on his face but it’s difficult. “Where did he go?” Mark asks Yuta, curiosity getting the best of him. 

“He had to go back to Thailand for a semester,” Yuta explains. “He’s a good friend of Johnny’s.” Mark cringes but he still tries not to make the sadness in his face evident. “It’s probably the first time you’ve seen him—“ 

“No,” Mark tells Yuta. “I’ve seen him already.” 

“When?” 

“Start of break,” He explains and Yuta nods at him. He should've probably left it at that but he couldn't help but share his frustration at remembering how much sleep he lost that day. “He was over at the apartment and they fucked so loud I thought Ten was getting murdered or something," He elaborates while Yuta guffawed. "I barely had any sleep that day, seriously. ” He ends and Taeyong throws Yuta a look that stopped his laugh. 

“Hey guys, Ten’s here. Aren’t you guys going to say hi?” Jaehyun asks. The rest of them nodded at each other before rising up to go greet their friend, leaving Mark lone on the couch. He doesn’t want to go near Ten and he definitely doesn’t want to see how good Johnny and him look right beside each other. _He doesn’t want to._

“Yuta-hyung,” Mark grabs Yuta just before the other could go farther. "Taeyong-hyung," Mark calls the other as well and they both look at him in question. “My head is starting to hurt,” _A lie._ The both of them look at him with concern in their eyes while Taeyong starts to caress the back of his head. This eased his emotions a little bit but it still wasn't enough. “I think I’m going to go.”

"I have medicine if you want?" Taeyong says and Mark shakes his head. The only medicine that could cure his eyesore right now is if Ten leaves the party. Which is probably not going to happen seeing how Johnny is practically stuck to his side. He takes a glance at them and see that Taeil, Jungwoo, Jaehyun and Doyoung were all listening attentively to what story Ten was saying. He even has Johnny's friends wrapped around his fingers. What does Mark have against someone as perfect as Ten?

“Do you want me to help you walk back to your apartment?” Yuta asks, concern in his eyes. 

“No, it’s fine. I can still manage.” He says as he gives them a stiff smile. “Just tell Johnny-hyung that I went back to the apartment already when he's not too busy.” Mark says and he doesn’t wait for their response because he’s already running towards the door. He needs to get out of there before he starts hyperventilating. He can’t take one more minute knowing he’s in the same room as Ten and Johnny. 

Mark was so focused trying to inhale as much air he can in his lungs on the way out that he doesn’t miss a pair of highly concerned eyes following his figure until he’s out of the door. 

———

Mark shuts the door behind him and heads straight to the bathroom, filling up the bath with hot water. The only thing that could save keep him from completely breaking down is a hot bath that would hopefully help manage the pain he’s feeling. He strips his clothes, removes his contacts and slowly sets himself down in the hot water. He hisses as he completely submerges himself, water scalding but he doesn’t mind and hopes it reaches the cold feeling in the middle of his chest. He rests his head on the edge of the tub and releases a sigh. 

The day was going so well, he spent most of his morning with Johnny alone and just hours ago he was surrounded by him and his friends, having a really good time trading stories and laughing. 

That was until Ten arrived and ruined _everything_. He feels guilty saying it like that when he knows Ten hasn’t done anything to him. This was only the second time he’s seen the other but he can’t stop the bitter feeling towards him when he saw how Johnny looked completely ecstatic to see him walk through the door, leaving the space beside Mark empty and cold. 

He plays with the water for God knows how long, trying not to think about anything but Johnny with his arms around Ten until the once hot water he was bathing in turned cold. He washes up, changes his clothes and heads to sit on the couch. He doesn’t notice he’s been starting at absolutely nothing until the remote that was on his hands drops to the floor with a thump _._

_Fuck._ Why is it so hard for him to understand that Johnny’s never going to return his feelings? He removes his glasses for a moment to rub his face in frustration before tightly shutting his eyes, stopping the tears which were threatening to spill over his face. He doesn’t want to cry. He peers at the time and sees that it was still early and that the night has probably only started for the people downstairs. He flips the television open and browses the titles aimlessly, before ultimately deciding to just wallow in silence in his own room. He’ll just sleep through the pain. That's better.

He was about to head to his room when the door opened, Johnny stumbling in and Mark’s breath stopped as he waited to see if there was going to be another pair of shoes following him. Fortunately, there wasn’t. He feels relief flood his body and Mark double checks the time. It wasn’t too late so why was Johnny home already? 

“Hey—“ Mark starts, going towards Johnny who appears to be struggling to remove his shoes. Mark brows furrow as the scent of strong alcohol met his nose. _Johnny was drunk._ He didn't know that Johnny let himself get drunk. Well, it is his birthday so that's not really a surprise but shouldn't Yuta or Jaehyung be assisting him when he's stumbling all over the place like this? Maybe they didn't notice him go out. 

Mark watches him struggle and after he successfully removed his shoes, Mark hooks an arm around his waist before he trips on his face. “How much did you drink?” Mark mumbles, not expecting a decent reply since he could tell he drank _a lot_. Even his shirt was damp with alcohol and the smell was extremely hard to ignore. This is the first time Mark has seen the older like this because he hasn’t even seen him drink before. He didn’t even know he drank in the first place. Mark struggles to carry Johnny towards the couch, reminded once again of their size difference, giving a huff when he successfully sits him down. 

He grabs a water bottle from the fridge but before he could give it to Johnny, the older pulled Mark towards him. The sudden movement made the younger lose his footing so he landed right on top of the older. “I’m sorry,“ Mark instantly blushed as he realized their compromising position. He was already making a move to pull away when Johnny placed strong hands on his waist, locking him in place. “Wait—“ Mark tries, feeling the warmth in his cheeks but before he could say any further, Johnny places his lips on his. Mark gasps at the sudden contact and Johnny takes it as a chance to slip his tongue in Mark’s mouth.

Mark pulls away from him and feels a shiver run up and down his spine as the older continues to rub his warm hands all over his body. With Mark straddling him, Johnny had to tip his head back to capture his lips and it gave Mark a sense of control he never knew he wanted, especially when the other was gazing at him with intense eyes. 

He’s feeling so light-headed right now but he knows he should take this chance to go. Johnny was drunk and he probably thinks he was someone else because _no way in hell_ would Johnny kiss him on his own volition. “Wait, hyung—“ He squirms on Johnny’s lap, trying to get away but the action had Mark gasping and the older clutching his hips tighter. He feels Johnny slips his hands underneath his shirt and whatever he was about to say dies on his lips when he feels Johnny’s hands on his skin, touching and caressing him. The internal battle he was having was ultimately lost and so he just lets himself melt in to the kiss that left him speechless.

The both of them break apart and Mark inhales as much oxygen as he can because— _oh, my God._ Johnny was pressing wet kisses along the column of his neck and Mark’s lips part at the sensation. _Is this a dream?_ Did he fall asleep in the couch and is currently dreaming all of this right now? He was pulled from his thoughts when he felt Johnny sucking a bruise at a sensitive part of his neck. _Fuck._ He would be so bummed if this was a dream but if this was real— he didn’t want to think of the implications of this. 

Johnny’s hand which felt like it was burning a mark on his skin started to drift higher and higher until it reached one of his nipples. He rubbed his thumb over it and Mark can do nothing but gasp. “Are you sensitive here, baby?” Johnny asks and Mark can feel the grin as he nips at his neck. Johnny raises his shirt and latches his mouth on his nipples, teasing and licking until he scrapes his teeth over one, making Mark jump. He tips his head back and began rocking his hips rhythmically against Johnny. The older curses before moving his own hips to match with Mark’s. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Johnny mutters under his breath, slowly working his way past the waistbands of Mark’s sweatpants. When he finally wraps his hand around Mark’s cock, the younger jolts with a sigh. “No underwear? You’re a _bad_ boy, aren’t you?” He teases and before Mark could reply, he runs a thumb over the tip, making the younger forget about anything but Johnny’s hand spreading his precum all over his cock. 

Mark’s jaw clenches when Johnny starts stroking him, running his fingers along his length with a lazy pace that’s beginning to infuriate him. _More._ Mark mouths on Johnny's neck to keep himself from making too much noise while the older slowly unzips his own pants with his free hand. And when Johnny started to rub his hard cock against his, Mark couldn’t do anything to stop the loud whine that went past his lips. 

“A-Ah, Johnny,— _Fuck_ ,“ Mark shudders against him.

“You like that?” Johnny asks as his grip around the both of them tightened and it made Mark’s toes curl. “Tell me.” Johnny ordered as he tried to find his voice. 

“I-I do— _fuck,_ ” Mark was able to gasp about as he looks mesmerized at both of their cocks rubbing against each other. “S-So much,” His cock looked so small compared to Johnny’s but he wasn’t complaining. He had always loved the fact that he was just so _small_ compared to Johnny. “Faster— please,” Mark rolls his hips against Johnny’s, loving the slick feeling of their wet cocks moving and pressing against each other. He had his head rested on the older’s shoulders, so overwhelmed with the sensation that he’s having difficulty trying to keep himself upright. It’s been such a long time since Mark felt this _good_ that he finds himself so close to coming already. However, Johnny stops just before he could and Mark groans at the loss of sensation. He tries rubbing himself against Johnny again but the older stops him, a warning hand on his hips. _He was so close._

“I know, baby,” Johnny rubs a wet thumb on the bottom of his lip, which the younger’s tongue dart out to lick.“But I want to know what it feels like to fuck your beautiful mouth,” Johnny tells him with half-lidden eyes and Mark wastes no time dropping to his knees, tugging down Johnny’s pants as soon as he was in between his legs. 

“So eager,” Johnny comments. Mark starts with small licks around the head, tasting the leaking precum before grabbing the base and licking a wet stripe from the base to the tip. Johnny felt so heavy in his mouth and Mark _loved_ it. He hollows his cheeks, sucks and just simply takes as much as he can of the older in his mouth. Johnny gives a guttural moan from above him and Mark glances at him for a moment to see that he had tipped his head in pleasure.

“Fuck— your mouth feels so good,” Mark soaks up the praise as Johnny’s hand slowly slides into his hair. The older slowly starts thrusting into his mouth and Mark loosens his jaw to accommodate him. And when Johnny starts to really fuck into his mouth, Mark did nothing but take it like the good boy he is. Eyes watering, drool dripping on the side of his lips but _loving_ every second of it. 

“Just like that,” Johnny pants, clutching Mark’s hair tighter that it was starting to get painful but he wasn’t complaining. “I’m close—“ Johnny warns but Mark only sucks him harder. And when Johnny starts flooding his mouth, he willingly swallows all of him as Johnny groans and grunts from above him. Mark pulls back after milking him and slowly begins licking at the tip, getting the last of Johnny’s come until the latter suddenly grabbed him up. 

“You were so good, baby,” Johnny mumbles against him, pressing gentle kisses on the blooming bruises he placed earlier on his neck while laying Mark down on the couch. “So good that I think you deserve a reward,” Johnny whispers as he completely removes Mark’s sweatpants which were already sporting a wet spot, leaving him bare and revealing his leaking, hard cock. “So pretty.” Johnny says as he wraps one hand around him. He’s only given Mark a few tugs but the younger was already beginning to shake. He is so _sensitive_. Mark spread his legs slightly, urging Johnny to go faster but the other only set an infuriating pace that had Mark whimpering. 

“Please,” Mark begged, trying to fuck himself faster on Johnny’s fist but the older was not having it. 

“Have you been a good boy?” Johnny asks and Mark can only groan as Johnny tightens his grip. “Use your words.” Johnny orders in a low voice that had Mark swallowing hard.

“Y-Yes—“ Mark hiccuped. “Please—I’ve been _so_ g-good,“ Mark just wants to _come._ He hears Johnny chuckle and he was just about to open his mouth when Johnny started to stroke him faster. Johnny removes the hand Mark bit to keep himself from screaming and replaces it with his mouth. “Please— I’m so c-close,” Mark moans, making a strangled noise as he feels the sensation building up— until Johnny removed his hands from him. He whined in annoyance until he felt a slick finger circling his rim, his protest dying in his throat. 

“Please—“ Mark pleads, body jolting as he feels the finger pressing into his hole before withdrawing. _This fucker._

“Say my name,” Johnny tells him and Mark realizes Johnny probably doesn’t even realize who he is right now. _Fuck._

“Johnny,“ Mark moans against his lips. Pleasure was clouding Mark’s mind and he knows he’s going to regret this but he’s already gone this far and he’s not going to let this moment past without coming with Johnny’s fingers in him. 

“Yes, baby?” Johnny says with a smirk, finger pressing in before withdrawing again. His fingers were longer and thicker than Mark’s and the younger absolutely can’t to wait feel them stretchhim open. “What do you want?” 

“I want,” Mark’s mind was so fuzzy. Johnny was so warm against him and he just want him to wreck him. “I want you to fuck me with your fingers— Ah!” Johnny finally inserts a digit into him and Mark feels his knees buckle.

“You like that?” Johnny asks before kissing him again, biting and teasing. 

“I feel so good,” Mark moans as he feels Johnny slide another finger. The older hooks his fingers in him, deliberately missing his prostate. “More,” Mark digs his nails on his back until Johnny finally brushes his fingers along the bundle of nerves that made him see stars. “R-Right there!” He groans as Johnny continues to rub that spot relentlessly until Mark was left with his jaw slack open in pleasure.

Mark was getting so close and he moved his hand to touch himself when Johnny stopped him. “No,” He growled before pinning both of hands above him with his free hand. The other was still pumping in him at an unrelenting pace. Mark protested at first but he was silenced when Johnny rubs his fingers on his prostate again. “If you want to come, you'll have to with only my fingers.” He tells him and Mark’s legs shake from the onslaught of pleasure he’s feeling right now.

“ _Fuck,_ I’m so c-close,” He repeats, nails digging into Johnny’s shoulders.

“Come on, baby.” Johnny hums as he presses a kiss at the edge of Mark’s mouth.

“Hyung,” Mark whines. He doesn’t know if he can come like this. He wants more, he wants—

“Let me see you come, baby boy,” Johnny says and Mark hears himself cry out. He comes with a loud whine, body quivering the second he heard what Johnny called him. _Baby boy._ He honestly _shakes_ as he rides out his orgasm, Johnny helping through it by pumping in him slowly until Mark had to close his legs to stop him, too sensitive already.

“You were so good, baby,” Johnny mutters from above him with a kiss to his temple. That was the last thing Mark remembers before shutting his eyes.

He doesn’t know how much has time passed when he let himself rest but when he comes to, Johnny’s arm was wrapped around his middle and his breath was tickling Mark's neck every time he exhaled. Mark felt his heart drop when everything came back to him. _Fuck._ He needs to get out of here. What happened is finally catching up to him along with shame, guilt and— _fuck._ He can’t do this. He can’t believe he just took advantage of Johnny being intoxicated. He slowly removes Johnny’s hand from his waist— even though all he wants is to stay — and dresses himself as fast as he can. He needs to get out of here, he can’t face Johnny right now. He doesn’t know what he’ll do when he sees the shock, anger and _disgust_ when he realizes it was Mark he was with. Johnny would finally know how twisted he is and he doesn’t want that. Especially when he’s already come this far in getting close to him. Why did he let lust cloud his mind? Why did he have to be so selfish? Why can’t he just be satisfied with being Johnny’s step-brother?

He just wishes that Johnny won’t remember anything about last night because if he did— Mark doesn’t want to imagine it. He doesn’t want Johnny avoiding him again. He think it’ll be permanent this time if he ever figures out. 

Mark packs clothes enough for more than a week in the quietest and fastest way possible. He gives a heavy exhale as reaches the elevator without anybody seeing. He doesn't know what to do in this kind of situation. Why is he so stupid? He _can't_ face Johnny just yet. He took advantage of him! He's such a horrible person _._

Mark doesn’t know what he’s going to do but he does know who he needs to see. He just hopes he gets there on time before he breakdown in tears. 

———

“Mark?” Haechan said in disbelief when he saw his friend standing by his front door in the middle of the night. “It’s like 4 AM in the morning, what are you doing here?” He asks, rubbinghis sleepy eyes awake. 

“Are you alone?” Mark asks suddenly. 

“Yeah, Renjun’s staying with his parents at the hotel tonight.” He replies. 

“Can I stay over?” Mark asks, shuffling his feet. 

“Dude, you don’t have to ask that. Come on in.” He ushers him inside, grabbing his bags from his hands and sitting him on the couch. 

“Thanks.” Mark replies as he drinks the water his friend gave him. 

Haechan settles himself beside Mark and they stay quiet for a couple of minutes, the only sound was Mark’s deep breathing and his occasional sniffling. Haechan knew something was wrong the moment he saw Mark in his doorway but he’s starting to fear it's heavier than what he expected.

“Mark, please talk to me.” Haechan says when the silence was starting to get bothersome. The only light in the room was coming from a lamp behind him and although it wasn’t too bright, it did nothing to hide Mark’s distress when he faced him. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world in his shoulders, eyes tired and on the verge of crying. _Mark, what happened?_

“Haechan,” Mark sobs, wrapping his arms around Haechan’s shoulders. Haechan can only clutch him harder when Mark’s body started shaking from how hard he was crying. He tries to rub comforting circles around his back as a thousand thoughts run through his head. He’s _never_ seen Mark like this before and he doesn’t know what to do. So he stays silent, offering his shoulder to him as he releases all the pent-up frustration and sadness he’s been hiding from everyone all this time. He feels Mark’s tears slow down and he pulls away from Haechan, eyes red and sunken. 

“Mark,” Haechan pleads, hands holding Mark’s tightly. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s just—“ Mark starts as he tries to wipe the tears on his face with the back of his hand. Haechan reaches behind him and gives him a tissue. “I don’t know anymore!” Mark whispers, head hanging low and refusing to face him.

“Mark, please look at me.” Haechan says, cradling Mark’s face and forcing him to look at him. _What happened?_ “I need you to know that I’ll always be here for you no matter what but I still need to know what’s wrong.” He wishes Mark would get this through him because there’s nothing more he wants than to help him. It just breaks his heart seeing his best friend like this. “You’re my friend and I won’t leave you alone until you tell me what’s wrong.” Haechan emphasizes. “I don’t want you to share this burden alone so trust me with this, please.” He begs and Mark’s tears fall on his face once more after hearing his words.

Mark deeply inhales and nods his head. Haechan waits for a moment until Mark starts speaking. He tells him _everything_. Right from the moment he met Johnny up until what happened just a few hours ago. He tells him the pressure he feels keeping up with this facade when all he wants is to be true to his feelings. But he can’t because it’s just simply so _wrong_.He also mentions how he feels like he can’t keep up with training nowadays because he’s not in the right mindset for it anymore. All he wants to do is lock himself alone in his room all day and not talk to anyone. He doesn’t even find the urge to eat anymore especially when he has no one to eat with. He knows it’s their break but he can’t help but become paranoid about the coming semester, he barely lived through the first one and now they’re days away from starting a new one. He’s losing focus and motivation all at once and it’s scaring the hell out of him. The only thing he’s learned in university is how _weak_ he is _._

He knows it’s bad to blame Johnny because he knows he’s at fault too but he can’t control the surge of emotions he feels whenever he think and sees the older. He just feels _too much_ around him. It feels good whenever Johnny pays attention to him but then the next time they see each other he acts like he hates him again and it’s just giving Mark whiplash. He doesn’t know what Johnny feels about him and it’s just confusing. He knows it’s delusional for him to hope that he likes him.

He’s so sad about what’s happening to his life and so afraid of everything and he just— he’s just so fucking _lonely._

Haechan sets his full attention on Mark, listens wholeheartedly and nodding along to urge Mark to continue. When Mark finishes, he feels the weight he’s carrying significantly lighten. He still feels heavy but it’s slight more bearable now compared to before he opened up to Haechan. 

“Please say something.” Mark whispers after completely uncovering his soul to Haechan. He doesn’t want to know how Haechan is looking at him right now. He must be so disgusted.

“No, I’m not.” Haechan says as he holds Mark’s face between his hands, forcing him to meet his gaze. Mark looks into his friend’s eyes and it only shocks him at how sincere Haechan was being right now. It honestly just wants him to cry more, how did he deserve someone like Haechan? “Honestly, I don’t know what to say but—” 

“It’s okay, I don’t really expect you to say anything.” Mark replies honestly. 

“Let me finish,” Haechan says with a glare. “I really have no idea what to say to you right now and how to console you but all I want you to know is this changes nothing for me.” 

Mark stares at him incredulously. 

“You’re still the Mark that I know and you’re still my best friend in the whole world. There isn’t much I can say about what you have for Johnny-hyung because your feelings are your own and I believe you shouldn’t push those away but instead deal with them. What you feel for Johnny-hyung has never been something that directly affected our friendship in a bad way because I know you’ve always put us before anything else. That’s also something you need to change, by the way. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes, Mark. It’s not bad to admit that you want to put yourself before anyone else.” Haechan tells him and Mark can only nod. 

“I know, I’ll work on it.” Mark mutters, fidgeting with his shirt.

“But back to this issue with Johnny-hyung, I really don’t mind what you feel for him but I absolutely _hate_ seeing you like this because of him. I never intend on meddling because I fully know you can handle it when the time comes but if I see you this sad again, I’m going to have to deal with him because I can’t take seeing you like this, okay?” 

“O-Okay,” Mark nods 

“If you would ask me what to do, I would insist that you talk to him but that is your decision and not mine. All I can assure you is that whatever it is you end up doing, I’m just going to be right here by your side because there’s nothing more I want than to see _you_ genuinely happy.” Haechan continues. 

“Haechan—“ 

“That’s the only thing that matters to me and the rest of our friends.” He tells Mark as he thumbs his cheeks. “We just want you to be happy, Mark.”Haechan finishes, honesty dripping in his eyes and voice. 

“Thank you.” Mark breathes, not really knowing what to say. God, he loves Haechan.

“I love you. Don’t forget that.” Haechan mutters and they hug again. They stay like that for a long moment before switching into a more comfortable position with Mark lying beside him on the couch. “Also don’t keep secrets from me again, dumbass.” Haechan says, playing with Mark’s hair and pulling lightly on a few strands to warn him. 

Mark focuses on Haechan’s heartbeat and feels his muscles relax. He might be feeling hell right now but there is this undeniable comfort in knowing there is someone like Haechan that has his back no matter what. There are a lot of things that had gone wrong in Mark’s life, especially in his earlier years, but having Haechan and his friends around him definitely outweighs those bad memories. He doesn’t want to imagine a life without them.

“You know,” Haechan starts after a few minutes have passed and Mark looks at him. “I can’t blame you.” 

“For what?” Mark asks, confused. 

“Johnny-hyung’s like, really hot.” Haechan says with a smile and Mark knows he’s just messing with him but he still gives him a slap on the chest, nonetheless. “What?” Haechan whines. “He’s your _step-brother_ and you guys are only brothers ‘cause your parents married so it’s not really _super_ weird, you know? Well, except for the part where you let him—” 

“Shut up, I know but it’s still really fucked up.” Mark doesn’t want to think how much sense Haechan is making.

“How big is he?” Haechan doesn’t stop.

“He’s really— actually, fuck you. You’re an asshole.” Mark stops himself before remembering what Johnny and him did. He didn’t elaborate on it much to Haechan but it really did feel _so_ good, though. Johnny’s hands all over his body and his fingers in him— _fuck._ He feels guilty knowing that Johnny was drunk and he still took advantage of the situation but Mark wonders if he was sober? Would he feel just as guilty about it? You know, especially if Johnny wanted it too. _Wait_ — what the hell is he thinking? 

Haechan was just teasing and he knows he’s trying to lighten the mood but for some reason, his approach on this super weird situation just makes Mark calmer. He isn’t shying away from Mark’s confession and pushing it away with disgust. Well, it _is_ Haechan they’re talking about. 

“Yeah, but I’m an adorable asshole.” Haechan replies and Mark can only roll his eyes even though the other can’t see him. “But really,” His voice changes to something more serious. “You and Johnny-hyung would have to talk eventually.”

“I know,” Mark says. This is something only the both of them can sort so—

“Hey,” Haechan stops Mark’s thoughts overtaking his brain again. “I told you that you need to talk but like, not right now so stop thinking for a moment.” Haechan says with a pointed stare at Mark. “Let your mind breathe for a moment, will you? I can literally hear your gears running over here.”

“Okay.” Mark agrees as he holds Haechan tighter. 

“You want to take a shower together?” Haechan asks a few minutes after. “My back is sweating from how warm you are. Not to mention, yours tears that dried on my skin are starting to get itchy. I feel uncomfortable.” Haechan proclaims and Mark punches him in retaliation, cheeks red. They wrestle in a friendly manner before Mark successfully drops Haechan to the floor. 

“I win!” Mark says. His eyes were still weary but at least there’s a real grin on his face, even though it’s at Haechan’s expense. That was his goal from the start, anyway. He’d be glad to lose on purpose just to see Mark smile. Only on special occasions, though. His pride wouldn’t allow him to win every time. He’d die. “I’m using that expensive body wash you love!” 

“Whatever,” Haechan tells him as he rubs his butt that collided with the hardwood floor. “This is my apartment and I’m the one who gets ordered around? Even has the audacity to ask for my precious body wash,” Haechan mumbles to no one in particular while headed to the bathroom. He smiles when he hears Mark’s laughter ringing throughout the apartment. _That’s better,_ Haechan thinks. 

Mark rises to his feet and stretches his sore muscles before following the other into the bathroom. Body heavy but heart lighter. 

He can live for another day with his problems. As long as Haechan is by his side. 

———

Mark clutches his bag tighter to his body as he feels his palms sweat. The semester was about to start tomorrow and he can’t avoid Johnny forever. He hears his heart pounding in his ears as he walks towards the apartment. _Now or never._ He already spent a whole week in Haechan and Renjun’s place and he would’ve love to stay longer but his books were in the apartment and the glare Haechan sent him was enough to kick him out. _I need to deal with this already._ The other actually wanted to drop him off the apartment but he denied the request, telling him that he’ll just see him tomorrow.

After Haechan and Mark’s talk, they didn’t really bring it up again because everything that was supposed to be said was said already. No point in drawing the conversation out and elaborating on it more. But before completely dropping it, Haechan asked him if he was ready to tell their friends and when Mark said that he would still prefer the situation to be just for the both of them, Haechan supported his decision. He’ll tell them in time but as of now, he just wasn’t ready yet. 

However, that didn’t stop Haechan from still inviting them all over. Even though Mark had already gotten a good night’s sleep when they arrived, they still demanded for him to tell him what’s wrong. His friends really knew him far too well. 

And so, after a few minutes of coaxing the truth out of him, he told them his worries. He told them the same thing he told Haechan except for the part with Johnny. That was for another time when all of it is behind him and he can tell it without fear of getting judged because it’s in the far past. They all tried their best to console him and Mark let them since he's learning to let himself feel that it was fine to be sad and to accept comfort from his friends. 

"Don't keep everything to yourself, Mark." Jeno says. "That's what we're here for." 

"And we don't ever want to hear that you're being a burden," Renjun warned. 

"You never are and never will be a burden to us." Jaemin finishes as Mark tries to keep himself from crying. He's always felt like he's a bother to everyone so hearing those simple words just makes a huge difference in him. "Plus, I'm always up if you want someone to eat with. As long as it's your treat." He says with a wink and Mark hugs all of them.

They spent 3 days straight in Haechan and Renjun’s apartment. Playing video games, baking cookies which had too much flour and ordering take-out at any chance they get. They spent those three days with just all of them and at the end of it, Mark felt like himself again. 

He turns the knob on the door and slowly peered in to see Johnny in the living room. Sitting in the same spot they— _okay._

“Mark!” Johnny’s eyed widened at him when he saw Mark at the door. _This is it._ He’s going to probably scream how repulsed and disgusted he is at him. “Where have you been?” Confusion and worry was in his voice and Mark willed himself to meet his gaze. 

“I stayed at Renjun and Haechan’s place,” He mutters, setting his bags down. 

“I’ve been messaging you all this time,” Johnny stands and looks at him. “Is it that hard to send me one message to tell me where you were?” He says with his brows furrowed and Mark feels like he’s being scolded. Probably is. He turned his phone off and hasn’t looked at it since _that_ night, fear of being confronted about the incident when he was in no way ready to deal with it yet. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark starts. “Haechan— He hid my phone,” Mark lies, he thinks the other would forgive him for using his name for a lie at this time. 

“What?” Johnny asks, voice rising. “He hid your phone?” 

“Yes,” Mark mutters, uncomfortable. 

“Why did he even— never mind,” Johnny says with a wave of his hand, going closer towards Mark. He reaches out to brush Mark’s hair away from his eyes but when he saw the other visibly flinch at the gesture, he retreated his hand. “You just disappeared after the party.” He says and Mark’s jaw clenches. “And when I woke up at the apartment, you weren’t here.”

_Fuck. Here it is. “_ About that—“ Mark starts. 

“Actually, let’s not talk about that anymore.” Johnny tells him and Mark pauses. “As long as you’re here already and safe.” Johnny sits back down on the couch and flips his book open, leaving Mark rooted in his spot. _What?_

Does Johnny really not remember what happened that night? _Fuck._ What’s Mark going to do? Is he going to tell him or is he going to take this to his grave? I mean, Johnny doesn’t seem to remember anything so why should he remind him about it, right? And he was _really_ drunk that night, the smell of alcohol was all over him so him not remembering anything isn't really surprising. I mean, this happened to Mark before. 

Or maybe he _does_ remember what happened that night but doesn’t remember the fact that it was Mark. Because if he did, there won’t be any point in hiding that fact. Johnny was the type of person who dealt with problems right away and confronted the concerned people about them. It’s not just him to ignore the subject. Especially when it’s pressing and big as this one. Either he was so drunk that he doesn’t remember the event at all or he just thinks he was with someone who wasn’t Mark. Well, if you had a drunken encounter with someone and you were trying to remember who it was, would your step-brother be the first person in your mind? No way in hell. Who the fuck thinks that? Johnny most likely also had _a lot_ of those kind of nights so finding the person he was with would probably be the last thing on his mind. Johnny looked like that type of person. That night was probably just nothing to Johnny. 

Mark feels a pang in his chest when he thinks about it. Johnny's probably had a number of partners already and a lot of drunken nights with different people that a night like that was nothing new to him. Mark frowns at the thought of being someone Johnny has already forgotten about. But isn't that what he's been wishing for? However, if he was being completely honest, that night with Johnny— although wrong in every way— was the best night he's ever had in this pathetic life of his. He doesn't want to call it special given the circumstances and the fact Johnny was drunk but he can't imagine describing it as anything else. Ever since he met Johnny, all he's been dreaming of was a night of him being able to feel Johnny all over him and now that he already had— no. He's being delusional and keeping his hopes up again. Johnny's never going to feel the same way he feels about him. Never. Why is this so difficult for him to understand?

Now, if Johnny doesn’t know, there’s no point in telling him about it, right? It's nothing to Johnny, anyway. Also, it’ll just be Mark’s way of protecting him and saving whatever relationship they have. He doesn’t want to imagine how painful it would be for Johnny to always be reminded of their mistake whenever he sees Mark. He remembers the venomous look he gave Mark years ago and he just thinks it’ll be much more worse than that if he ends up telling him. 

Mark spends the next moments weighing the pros and cons until he ultimately decides on forgetting about confronting Johnny about it. He goes straight to his room and locks his door. 

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark is so used to feeling like a burden to everyone, it's sad. :/ Also, Johnny is a piece of shit, I know. Lol.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter because it was so hard to write for some reason. Words weren't coming to me and I feel like you guys probably noticed it in a few paragraphs, haha. 
> 
> Anyway, share me your thoughts and what you think is going to happen! Comments really keep me going so please, please, please talk to me. And thank you to everyone who commented on the previous chapter, I'm so grateful to each one of you! 
> 
> Stay safe, everyone!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I know it's been a little while since my last update. Hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> If there are any misspellings and grammatical errors, I apologize in advance.

It’s been three weeks since the first day of the new semester and Mark can confidently say that he’s definitely doing far better compared to the last one. School, training and social-life wise. The break and talk he’s had with his friends —especially Haechan— has definitely helped him make a great improvement. Ever since then, they’ve all made a huge effort in helping him get back on his feet and seeing them encouraging him has driven Mark to take care more of himself. 

One of his worries, which was training, was fortunately easy to tackle since Jaemin was with him and was on his side when he went to talk with their coach. He didn’t want to initially bring the subject up out of fear of letting the team down or dragging them but the coach fortunately understood and had given him a break to clear his mind. His coach told him that although he is an important player, competing with his mind elsewhere would just render his training ineffective. He even mentioned to Mark that he was already in the process of considering forcing a break on him after noticing a concerning change in his performance. The coach was grateful that Mark beat him to it because not only did it save him an unpleasant conversation, it only showed how Mark was able to admit that he needed to work on himself first. A feat a number of people have not been able to do due to fear and insecurity. 

After he got back, his teammates have all noticed a significant change in his time and his coach even told him that he was starting to see the Mark he saw during try-outs. Going back to training was slightly difficult but since Mark didn’t let him muscles rest by still going to the gym and running, he wasn’t plagued with the worry of not being able to keep up with them. Not that any one in the team expect that, though. They knew he was great, he simply went through a tough time that required a breather. 

As for school, he has always functioned with the fear of not having top marks and he knew he has that trait from always being monitored by his overbearing father. That along with his habit of overthinking has made him burn-out quickly so he learned to keep a pace that he is still trying to get used to. When his friends— and himself— noticed that he was doing way too much or overthinking about the small things, they would remind him and Mark would in turn be reminded to breathe and pause. 

Grades were important to Mark and everyone knew that but he has realized that sacrificing everything else just for top scores wasn’t the wisest thing to do. So, he made a system of identifying which tasks to focus on and not to take too seriously. And it was working. Back then he would wake-up in the morning already dreading tomorrow’s deadlines but nowadays, he has learned to only think of today and today only. And it was doing him good. Since he was a chronic over-thinker, sleeping at night was a problem since his mind doesn’t stop thinking about everything and the only way to get any sleep is if he got himself super tired. Which wasn’t also the smartest thing since he would wake the following morning headed to training with a body lacking sleep and a mind that hasn’t had any rest. However, with this new routine he is still trying to get used to, sleep was coming a little easier. It was still difficult but it’s better.

His social-life, was also improving. In a way. He has always known right from the start that his friends weren’t always going to be there for him. He has been so used to just seeing them like the times back in high-school and he has only known now that he has depended a lot of his happiness on them. Which was fine but Mark knew it wasn’t the ideal situation for someone in college. Looking at it now, he dealt with this poorly especially when they were all still starting college. Back then, after knowing that his friends weren’t available, he would just lock himself in his room or in the apartment where he was frequently alone, making the feeling of loneliness grow. Most of the time, he also wasn’t the one who asked his friends out for fear of bothering them or being rejected, but he has overcome that feeling and instead is the one setting up outings. However, he still just demands to see them on reasonable days. He wasn’t _that_ selfish. He knew they all had things to do on their own and people to meet that they don’t have to share with every one else.

So in turn, he has been trying to get himself out _there_ more. In the first semester, it had _always_ been the dull routine of training, class and sleep. Nowadays, he’s been making a huge effort on making new friends, seeing new things and developing better relationships with the people around him. College is all about widening your horizon and spreading your reach, anyway. 

The past few months were such a whirlwind of emotions that it’s not much of a surprise to Mark to notice that he has actually reverted back to his old self. The old, old one that he tried to forget. The one who was always unsure of himself, the one who stayed quiet instead of striking conversations and the one who always kept to himself. Basically, the Mark who always had a dark cloud over himself. This is from Haechan and not him, although he can’t argue with it since it’s true. Fortunately, he was surrounded by people who were willing to help him get back on the right state and were patient enough to support him through it.

However, he still has his ‘off’ days but he’s learning to deal with them better and in a not so self-destructive day that ends up with him wallowing alone in his room with thoughts that make him forget to eat on time or talk to his friends.

He’s not there yet but it’s still better compared to where he was last semester.

He has the areas that need improvement covered but life doesn’t exactly work that way. Like a test, there’s _always_ going to be that one topic you’re dreading to deal with because no matter how much you study or prepare yourself, you _still_ end up messing it up. In this case, that topic is Johnny.

His relationship from Johnny has gone from good, bad, half-decent and now, Mark presumes, damaged beyond repair— all because of one night. But honestly, Mark saw this coming. Not them doing _that_ but the both of them going back to being complete strangers again. If they did end up becoming close, Johnny was bound to leave in a few months already, anyway. After that, there’s going to be a slim chance of him actually wanting to see Mark because he’ll be busy looking for a job and living his life. Why try to make an effort on pushing himself unto Johnny when he’s going to leave him? 

For the past few weeks, he has been actively avoiding Johnny and Mark knows that it is counterproductive given the other efforts he’s been making in his life but anything related to Johnny was and will never be easy to handle for Mark. But it’s fine because as he said earlier, Johnny’s going to graduate and he’s not going to see him again. And for good this time. He overheard Johnny and Yuta talking one time that he was being offered an internship and a possible job offer from a big company that was located a few cities away.

Mark has also mentioned to Haechan the interaction that happened the day he got back to the apartment. Johnny acted like nothing was amiss and made it evident to Mark that he didn’t remember anything happening to them. Because of this, Mark told Haechan that he didn’t bring the topic up for them to talk anymore, not seeing a point in it. 

Haechan didn’t have anything to say about his decision since he has made it clear from the start that he wasn’t going to meddle and that he’s not going to tell Mark what to do since it’s his call. However, that didn’t stop him from giving Mark a stare that said a couple of things. But it was better for the both of them, Mark argued at Haechan who just raised his brows and shrugged.

On some nights where he can’t stop thinking about it, he considers actually telling Johnny about the incident to clear his conscience and guilt. However, seeing how well Johnny is doing lately and how it is his last semester, Mark doesn’t want to burden him with that incident. He doesn’t want to ruin Johnny’s last semester that could probably affect him in the future. The feeling of guilt has always been in Mark’s heart ever since he realized his feeling's for Johnny is more than brotherly. And because of that incident, it has only become heavier but it’s just what he has learned to live with. And repress. 

After telling Haechan his decision, they never brought it up ever again except for ‘safe’ conversations such as Haechan asking how Johnny is doing since they knew each other and when Haechan couldn’t resist teasing him about it. Which was fine for Mark since it’s Haechan and for some reason, joking about it keeps it from weighing Mark further down.

Basically, he’s doing well so far as long as it doesn’t concern Johnny. That’s it. There’s only a semester left with Johnny so he thinks this is going to be bearable. Painful in some way but still manageable thanks to his newly improved attitude on a couple of things. He thinks. Or hopes. 

“Hi, Mark!” Yuta greets as Mark appears on the doorway of his apartment.

“Hey, Mark. How are you?” Taeyong followed, asking from beside Yuta on the couch. 

Mark was sure that Yuta and Taeyong were over at the apartment often nowadays since Yuta has mentioned to him a week back when he saw him that their professors have been giving them significantly less works to help them focus on looking for more internships and jobs. Which they appreciated since it also gave them the opportunity to enjoy their last semester in the university. However, he wasn’t entirely sure since he’s been spending more and more time sleeping at his friends’ place instead of at the apartment. 

Haechan told him once that avoiding Johnny would do him no good but Mark was set on doing what he thinks is the best for him and Johnny. He just doesn’t trust himself around the older anymore. Any sense of logic, as evidenced from _that_ night and all other incidents where his emotions took control, just goes out the window whenever he is near a foot of Johnny for longer than a minute. Haechan only gave him a look that said _‘It’s your call’_ which Mark anticipated but still made him confused. 

“Hello Yuta-hyung and Taeyong-hyung!” Mark said with a smile. He knew they were Johnny’s friends but he simply couldn’t resist the both of them. They had shown nothing but kindness right from the start and distancing himself from them was something he _never_ wants to do. They’ve treated him as a close friend and like their little brother—something they have fondly have called him a couple of time— and Mark doesn’t want to ruin that. He’s fine spending time with them. As long as it’s only them. “I”m doing fine. How’s are your final papers doing?” 

“Don’t remind me, please.” Yuta groans.

“Great!” Taeyong replies the same time, making Mark laugh as he grabs water from the kitchen. 

“Hey, Mark, we’re eating out tonight with _your_ hyung. Do you want to—“ Taeyong starts. 

“I’m sorry.” Mark turns to them with a smile of his own that was a little unsettling for Taeyong. “I’m eating out with Lucas tonight.” Yuta sees from the corner of his eyes at how Johnny seems to stiffen at the mention of Mark's _friend_ making Yuta more confused. 

I thought they were doing fine already? And didn’t Mark say that Lucas and him didn’t work out? There were the questions running on Taeyong's mind as he fixes Mark a smiele. “Maybe next time then?” Taeyong adds. 

“Yeah, sure. Just tell me as soon as you can.” Mark tells him. “Now if you guys will excuse me, I have to pack.” 

“Where to?” Yuta asks with a raised brow. 

“I’m sleeping at Jaemin and Jeno’s place for a couple of days.” Mark says and Yuta and Taeyong can only nod at him. Something was amiss here. 

“Oh, okay. Go ahead.” Yuta remarked at Mark who was already headed to his room. Yuta places a hand on Taeyong’s thigh for a brief moment and feels the other squeeze it in return. They were both thinking the same thing. Mark might appear to be in a good mood but after being acquainted with him for quite some time now, they’ve taken notice of the other’s subtle expressions very well. Something was wrong. 

“I’m going!” Mark says, exiting his room a couple of minutes after with bags full of clothes and necessities. 

“Bye!” Taeyong calls from over the couch. 

“Don’t forget about our date, Mark!” Yuta reminds just as Mark's hand was on the knob of the front door. 

“Alright!” Mark tells them. "I'll message you when I'm free, Yuta-hyung!" 

“Make sure you get home safe.” Johnny tells him in a soft voice which Mark definitely heard but the younger just shuts the door on them. His friends raise their brows at the exchange— or lack, thereof. The younger was avoiding interacting with Johnny and he wasn't hiding it either

“Didn’t he just come back from sleeping at his friends’ place like, two days ago?” Taeyong wonders at Johnny, who hasn’t spoken a word since Mark appeared, save for the one line he muttered before the other left. 

“Yes.” Johnny replies curtly. Yuta and Taeyong share another look. “He rarely comes home ever since the semester started.” He adds like it was nothing new. 

“I thought you guys were doing good already?” Yuta asks. “Now you’re back to not looking and speaking to each other anymore.” He adds with a worried face while Johnny just shrugs at the both of them. 

“I do try talking to him.” Johnny mutters under his breath, looking sad. “Didn’t you see just a few minutes ago?” Yuta and Taeyong both did but the both of them knew he could have done better than that.

“He wasn’t like this before.” Taeyong says with a frown.

“He’s just been deflecting me every single time. Flinches when I get too close and goes back to his room when I come home.” Johnny says honestly with a stressed face while both of his friends frown at him. 

“Maybe you should—“ 

“No.” Johnny tells Taeyong with a look. “It’s obvious what he’s doing, he’s doesn’t like me around him, anymore.”

“Why don’t you guys talk?” Yuta suggests.

“Don’t you guys see it? he obviously isn't masking his immense dislike for me.” Johnny grumbles as he leans back on the chair while throwing a hand over his eyes. “He most likely knew what I feel for him so now he’s distancing himself away from me because he’s terrified and creeped out. Which he has every right to, by the way.” Johnny tells them with a heavy sigh. “I don’t want to give him any more trouble so I just try my best to stay out of his way. He could avoid me as much as he can as long as it makes it easier for him. I’ll be out of his sight after this semester so guys, just let me be. Don’t try and make me talk to him. I could just end up hurting him more than I already am.” Johnny ends it as that, leaving his friends with nothing to say. 

“Okay.” Yuta says after a few moments of heavy silence.

“It’s your call, always.” Taeyong adds while patting Johnny’s leg. It was clear that he has made his decision on the matter and knowing Johnny, it’s nearly impossible to change his mind especially when he’s already set it on something. “Just know we’re always going to be here for you, okay?” He says, sincerity evident in his tone while Johnny stands up from his seat. 

“Thank you.” Johnny tells them with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Now, let’s go eat?” 

“Let’s go, man.” Yuta says with a clap of his hands. He send another brief squeeze to Taeyong shoulder and the look he got in return made him realize that they were thinking the same thing again. _Nothing about this is right._

———

Taeyong and Yuta are walking outside the park near their apartment after eating out with Johnny. The other already went ahead right after dinner claiming he was tired, which was obviously true just from his posture and eyes alone. The dinner was pleasant but the both of them knew that their friend’s mind was elsewhere even though he was there with them. 

Johnny looked agitated and awfully sleep-deprived. Not a lot of people would notice it but they’ve known him long enough to know that he was deeply bothered by something no matter how well he masks it. Actually, someone. Both of them don’t need to be able to read his mind to know the person that was occupying it. It’s been the same person ever since they met him during their first year in university. Some things don’t change at all. 

“I’m so worried about the both of them.” Taeyong tells Yuta as they walk side-by-side. “They both look distressed.” 

“I know.” Yuta says as he wraps an arm around Taeyong, pulling him closer. No matter how well the both of them cover it, nothing gets past the both of them who knew them well enough already. Yuta and Taeyong are practically allergic to bullshit so they need to try more than that to fool the both of them. “Mark looks fine when he’s with his friends, though.” Yuta saw him with them on time and they looked like they were all having fun. 

“I know. He even mentioned that he was doing well in school and training. Said that he was finally getting a hang of everything, too.” Taeyong knows this was true. Mark looked like he had finally found a pace that went well with him 

“His mood just changes when he’s with Johnny." Yuta says and after a few moments "Does he really hate him, though?” Yuta says.

“I don’t think so.” Taeyong answers, entirely certain. "I don't know where Johnny gets that."

“Way back then I was entirely sure that Mark didn’t hate Johnny, they were just bad at talking to each other. It was obvious that Mark wanted to talk to Johnny just as much as Johnny wanted to talk to him too.” Yuta reminisces. “But now, I’m not so sure.” Yuta saw how Mark was actively avoiding Johnny and it got him thinking that Mark definitely has run out of patience for the older. Or if Mark knew of Johnny’s feelings and is now trying to get as far as he can from him. A part of him was thinking this but a part of him also believed that something it still not _right_.

“They were already making so much progress and now they’re back again to zero.” Taeyong says with a frown. “Especially at the party.” That night, they looked so at ease with each other that Yuta and Taeyong almost didn’t believe their eyes. Mark also didn’t visible flinch or shy away from Johnny like he always used to do when the older got close to him. 

“I know, Johnny even told me Mark gave him film rolls. He looked like he would explode from happiness.” Yuta remembers with a smile. Johnny looked like he received the best gift of his life when he was telling Yuta about Mark’s gift. Even phrasing it in a way like he was making Yuta jealous. The image of Johnny being all giddy brought a smile to his face. “All I know is they both looked real happy together during the party and then after that, they went back to being so awkward around each other.”

The both of them walk in silence as they try to think of what happened to the both of their close friends. “How are you so sure that Mark doesn’t hate Johnny?” Yuta asks once again. 

“Trust me, Mark doesn’t.” Taeyong knows. He just knows. Mark wasn’t exactly subtle.

It was obvious to him that Mark likes Johnny the same way Johnny likes Mark but he knows it’s not going to be that easy especially the circumstances they’re both in. So, they both have a valid reason to be hesitating and in both their cases, trying their hardest to repress their ever-growing feelings for each other. 

Seeing it as this, it was definitely going to be difficult for them to confirm their feeling for each other. However, Taeyong still believes that they just haven’t found the time to perfectly talk about it yet. He even thought that day would be on Johnny’s birthday since the both of them were showing a different side around each other but he was unfortunately wrong. 

The following days were just as bad and it was a mess of Johnny being heartbroken and Mark obviously avoiding the older at every chance he gets. In other words, they were back to how they once were. Taeyong just hopes that it’s not permanent this time because it felt different this time around and the both of them were losing time since Johnny is about to graduate. If they separate without confronting each other, even Yuta knows they’ll never have a proper closure. He just hopes the both of them sort it out although it’s obvious that it’s going to be hard. _As long as it’s not impossible,_ Taeyong thought. 

"Maybe it’s because of Ten?” Yuta wonders out loud, remembering the party. He frowns as the image of Mark sulking when he spotted Johnny with Ten appeared on his mind. 

“Maybe.” Taeyong says. Ten was definitely a huge factor since it prompted Mark to go home early. “But I think it’s something else happened too.” 

“What?” Yuta asked, curious and confused. 

“I don’t know.” Taeyong answers honestly. He’s clueless. They just suddenly drifted apart after looking like they got so close to each other already. “All I know is as much as we like to fix things for them, they’re the only ones who can solve this.” 

“I know,” Yuta agrees with a nod. “Best thing we could do is stay by their side and make sure that they don’t stray too far from what they obviously want.” Taeyong smiles at him as they walk towards their apartment. It was starting to get cold already. 

“Well, nothing’s ever easy.” Yuta says as he interlocks his fingers with Taeyong in the elevator. “I remember you giving me such a hard time.” 

“Well, if I also remember correctly,” Taeyong says as he looks upwards as if in thought. “You didn’t give me much of a choice.” 

“First time I saw you, going around the grocery with a frown on your face because they ran out of vanilla extract— I knew right then and there that I was going to do everything in my power to make you mine.” Yuta says with bright eyes. There was a grin playing on his lips but Taeyong knew he meant it. Just as he meant every single word he has said to Taeyong from the moment they met each other.

“Moments like these make me kind of regret ever saying yes to you.” Taeyong says with a roll of his eyes although his red cheeks gave him away. 

“You still love these moments, though.” Yuta says as he wraps his arms around Taeyong’s waist.

“Whatever.” Taeyong whispers with a smile on his face as Yuta presses another kiss to his cheek.

“I hope you know how much I love you.” Yuta tells him, eyes sincere after moving in front of Taeyong to cradle his face. “Even though you wake me up at like, 7 AM on a weekend to drive you to the farmer’s market.” Yuta shakes his head with an annoyed expression as Taeyong punches him in the arm playfully.

“I love you too.” Taeyong beams up at Yuta who was looking at him with a smile that never failed to give him butterflies. “Now shut up and kiss me.” Taeyong doesn’t even have to ask twice as Yuta presses a kiss on his lips.

Now, if only their dear friends could find the same happiness as them.

———

Mark woke up in his own bed, shivering and throat sore. He pushed himself to a sitting position and immediately regretted it. His head was pounding severely. He’s had headaches before but this was entirely different, he feels like his head was being split open. He doesn’t think he has the energy to stand up from the bed but still, he pushed himself to go out of his room because he _can’t_ be sick. He walked around the apartment with heavy feet and was unfortunately only able to reach the couch in the living room until being forced to sit down from how bad his head was spinning. 

He can’t go to training and class like this. Fortunately, it was a Thursday and the classes he had today weren’t that heavy. If he missed them, he won’t really have a hard time trying to catch up. He typed in a quick message to Jaemin telling him that he won’t be able to attend training today since he wasn’t feeling well. He also sent Haechan a message and in less than a minute, he received a reply from the both of them asking him if he was okay. He told them it wasn’t serious and that it was just a simple cold so they let it go. 

After reading their messages, he dropped his phone to his side and pulled a pillow towards him. Everything _hurt._ He focused on his breathing in order to ignore the pain his head was giving him and promptly fell into sleep. 

“Wha—What?” Mark wakes up a few minutes— or has it been hours? — with the feeling of a cold towel placed against his forehead. He made a move of removing it but when he tried raising his hand, it immediately went back to his side from lack of energy. 

“Mark, how are you feeling?” Mark looked for the source of the voice and spotted Johnny on his side, removing the towel that was placed on his forehead. He was sitting by the chair on the side of the couch, near Mark’s head and looking at him with pure worry in his eyes. The younger was about to reply saying he was fine when the headache he though was gone, came back even more painful this time. 

“My head hurts,” Mark croaked out, throat dry as he tightly shut his eyes. His head hurt _so_ bad. Johnny placed a warm hand on his forehead and Mark slightly nuzzled against his hand as it went to the side of his face afterwards. The contact was brief but it felt great on his cold skin. Johnny was so warm and Mark was _so, so cold._

“You have a fever.” Johnny told him and Mark opened his eyes slightly to see him already standing up from his chair. Mark didn’t even bother to keep his eyes open for a second more as he feels another wave of tiredness wash upon him. 

He doesn’t bother where Johnny was going. Mark just hopes he comes back. 

———

Johnny went to their apartment with the hopes of squeezing in a short nap before his next class. However, when he opened the door, he was met with a certain someone lying down under a pile of blankets in the middle of the couch. Mark should be in class at this time already. What was he doing home? Did he fall asleep? 

He was just about to make a beeline towards his room, trying his best not to alarm the younger that he was home when he heard a sniffle followed by a cough coming from the bundle of blankets. _That doesn’t sound good._

He peered over at the figure on the couch and was met with the image of Mark, cheeks red and sniffling every now and then. His eyes were closed and his face was scrunched up from what Johnny presumed to be pain. He brushed the hair sticking to his sweaty forehead to check his temperature and clicked his tongue when he felt how bad he was burning up.

He grabbed a towel, rinsed it and proceeded to wipe the sweat from the younger’s body. The other looked like he was half-asleep so he didn’t give any protest when Johnny wiped him down with a damp towel in an effort to cool him down.

He took a glance at his watch and saw that he should be heading back to class.Mark actually woke up for a few minutes but he was obviously too weak to even hold a conversation with Johnny. Now, he couldn’t leave Mark like this, can he? Mark could hate and ignore him later but for now, his priority is taking care of the younger and making sure that his condition doesn’t get too worse. He sent Yuta a message to cover for him in class because wasn't feeling to well and that he can’t even move on his own. He received a message a couple of moments later with a _‘no problem’_ and another message telling him to inform him as soon as possible if they ever need anything. 

“How is he?” Taeyong asked from the door while handing the medicine Johnny asked him to buy. 

“He’s burning up,” Johnny commented. “Thanks for buying these for me, Taeyong.” There wasn’t any medicine in the apartment for Mark so he called in a favour for Taeyong who right away went to the pharmacy after knowing Mark was sick. He was grateful that the other still had time before his class to buy the medicine since Johnny can’t exactly leave Mark alone in his state. 

“Do you need any help with him?” Taeyong asked, gesturing to Mark who was fast asleep on the couch. 

“No, I got it.” Johnny said with a smile. “Go to class, I don’t want you to be late.” 

“Are you sure?” Taeyong said, worry in his eyes. 

“Taeyong, I can handle this.” Johnny told him with a hand on his shoulder. Taeyong gave him a reluctant nod before going. 

“Alright,” He whispered. “Just message me if you need anything else.” He thanked his friend and headed towards the kitchen with the goal of making something for Mark to eat. Fortunately, there was enough ingredients in the fridge to make a decent bowl of soup so that’s what he decided to make. 

“Hey, Mark?” Johnny said, lightly tapping Mark, who was still buried under his blanket, to wake him up. The younger stirred in his sleep, brows furrowing at being woken up and although he looked like he would want nothing but to sleep more, Johnny knew that he needed to eat. He grabbed the soup he made from the kitchen and set it down on the table in front of him. “Mark, you need to eat.” Johnny said as Mark finally opened his eyes after a while of gentle shaking from Johnny. 

“Johnny-hyung?” Mark croaked, voice cracking. “Don’t you have class?” 

“No, I don’t.” Johnny replied, choosing not to trouble him any further. “How are you feeling?” Johnny asked, sitting down on the chair near Mark. 

“Everything hurts.” Mark whined as Johnny frowned harder. Mark had a habit of downplaying what he’s feeling so if he openly tells him how horrible he’s feeling then it probably means that he’s in so much pain right now. Johnny puts a hand on his forehead and clicks his tongue, he really is burning up. “I just want to sleep.” Mark says as he rolls over, closing his eyes once again.

“I know,” Johnny said as he gently set his hand on the other’s shoulders, trying to stop him from sleeping again. “But you can go back to sleep after eating.” 

“I’m not hungry.” Mark replied, voice muffled by the blanket he put over his face.

“You need to eat, Mark.” Johnny said with a stern voice. “So you can drink your medicine.” There was silence and Johnny for a moment thought that he fell asleep again when he gently began stirring. Mark was slowly raising himself to a sitting position until Johnny grabbed his arm to help him up. Poor kid was so weak. When Mark was already sitting up, Johnny placed a spoon on his right hand. “Eat.” He watches as Mark scoops the soup but when he was about to place it near his mouth, he dropped the spoon sending it clattering back to the bowl. 

“I don’t want to eat.” Mark says, head down. Johnny looks at the utensil the younger dropped in the bowl and grabbed it. He took a spoonful of the soup and held it in front of Mark who was looking at him with wide eyes. “I don’t—“ He starts but whatever he was trying to say died in his throat when he saw the look Johnny was giving him.

“Eat.” Johnny repeats. Mark looks at the spoon and back at Johnny and back to the spoon in his hands before reluctantly opening his mouth. “How is it?” Johnny asks after watching Mark finally eat. 

“Hot.” Mark complains after forcing himself to swallow what the older fed him. Johnny gave him an apologetic smile before grabbing another spoonful again, this time gently blowing on it. “But it tastes good.” He added quietly. Mark eats the spoonful of soup Johnny feeds him without any protest and the next thing Johnny knew, he’s already finished the bowl. 

“Do you want more?” Johnny asked before placing the spoon and bowl down. Mark shakes his head but instead asks for more water. Johnny grabs him a water bottle from the fridge and sets it near him before preparing the medicine Taeyong told him Mark should take. When he came back, he saw Mark struggling to open the water bottle settled on his lap. 

_Cute._ He knows this isn’t exactly the right time to be thinking this way about him but he can’t help himself. He doesn’t say it out loud but he’s actually enjoying taking care of Mark, something that he’s never done before but always wanted to fo. He’s also grateful that Mark isn’t giving much of a fuss about it although he thinks with a frown it’s because he’s too sick to actually think too much about it.

Johnny grabs the bottle from his hands and opens it easily, earning a huff from the younger. He knew Mark could drink it on his own but he couldn’t resist placing the water bottle near his mouth himself. He smiled inwardly when Mark gave no protest, silently taking the water from Johnny’s hands and tapping his wrist when he was done. 

After Johnny finished washing the dishes, Mark was already fast asleep on the couch so he grabbed another bowl of soup, eating it in silence in the living room in case Mark woke up. After placing the clean dishes back to where they’re supposed to be, he settled himself on the chair near Mark along with his books and his laptop. _Might as well continue a few of my papers,_ Johnny said as he opened the word document he was working on last night.

The next time Mark woke up was a little after sunset. Johnny fed him the food Yuta and Taeyong brought over after their classes. The both of them arrived when Mark was still sleeping and since they didn’t want to wake him up, they just left Johnny the food and went on their way after checking up on him. Mark also didn’t give any protest when Johnny fed him, something that sent a warm feeling in the older’s body. 

“Ready to go to bed?” Johnny asked after watching Mark take his medicine. _Good boy._ Mark was staring at the movie Johnny had on the television when the older put away their empty food boxes. Johnny checked Mark’s temperature with the thermometer Taeyong lent him— because Taeyong had everything in his apartment— and saw that his temperature has gone down a little bit. Mark looked like he was holding up pretty well compared to this morning but he was still nursing a fever, nonetheless. 

“I’ve been doing nothing but sleep today.” Mark said as he rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know why I’m still so sleepy.” He adds with a confused frown on his face that Johnny wanted to kiss. Instead, he settled for a chuckle while Mark struggled to stand on his feet. 

“Let me help you.” Johnny said as he wrapped an arm Mark’s waist who stayed silent. He grabbed the younger’s blanket on his other hand as they went towards Mark’s room. The older gave a curious glance around the room since it was the first time he set foot in the room after Mark occupied it. He would’ve loved to give a more closer look to the polaroid pictures above his desk but when he heard Mark sneeze, he was back to the present.

That reminds him, when Johnny wrapped an arm around him earlier, he felt the younger’s shirt damp from sweat. “You’re sweating, you need to change your shirt.” 

“I don’t need to, just want to sleep,” Mark huffed, already pulling the blankets over his legs. Johnny rolled his eyes at him, not expecting how stubborn Mark could be but he actually found it more endearing than annoying. “Come on, Mark.” Johnny coaxed. Mark was already half-asleep from the medicine so he didn’t complain when Johnny pulled him into a sitting position, his weight being nothing to the older. Johnny sat on the bed and placed Mark’s head on his shoulder to keep the younger from lying back and it was a struggle but Johnny was able to replace Mark’s damp shirt with one of his own. After he was done, he gingerly placed Mark back on the bed with his blanket. “You good?” 

“Night,” Mark groggily replied as he rolled over to face the wall, his back to Johnny’s. 

_Guess that’s his time to go._ “Good night, Mark.” Johnny told him as he closed the door, although he wasn’t sure if Mark heard him since the medicine he gave him was pretty strong.

Johnny went back to the living room to eat his dinner and finish his paper. He did the first thing without a hitch since he was pretty hungry but when he opened his laptop to finish his essay, he found it a little harder than usual to form words. He can finish his paper tomorrow. After cleaning up the living room and gathering his things, he headed to take a shower before going to bed.

Johnny let the warm water massage his tired muscles as he let his thoughts stray to the person a few door over. Mark was avoiding him and Johnny knew it. He had a valid reason to so Johnny couldn’t blame him. Why would you want to get close to your _step-brother_ who’s clearly harbouring an unhealthy feelings for you? He knows he should keep his distance since Mark has been openly showing his animosity towards Johnny nowadays but he still couldn’t stop himself from wanting to be around the other. However, whenever he got near or whenever Johnny tried making a conversation, Mark would shut him down or flinch away. 

Since he wanted nothing more than to not let Mark be burdened by anything, he took the route of staying out of Mark’s way, as well. There was no coming back after what he did, anyway. 

Also, Mark was actually doing well nowadays and his friends seem to notice it as well. He looked like he has finally adjusted to college, which was great since Johnny could graduate knowing that Mark has finally settled in. 

However, graduating also meant that he won’t be able to see Mark anymore since he would be going away and he won’t exactly be able to see Mark here anymore since he has no valid reason to. He doesn’t want to imagine what face Mark would make if Johnny suddenly appeared by his doorstep. 

The incoming reality brought him great pain but he knew distancing himself was going to be for the better. Mark was just beginning his life in university, he still has a few years ahead of him to grow and meet new people. He was bound to experience a lot of new things and that was inevitable with or without Johnny around. With his natural charm, appearance and amazing personality, Mark’s just going to attract more and more people around him. People who are going to be far more better than Johnny. He might even meet someone who would bring him the happiness Johnny would never be able to give him. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth but it’s the hard truth. There's probably nothing he could do to repair whatever remaining relationship they have especially after Mark has openly made it clear that he wants nothing to do with him anymore.

To be honest, Johnny actually had a sliver of hope that Mark felt the same way for him but he ultimately decided that it was him being delusional and overly optimistic. It was impossible. Knowing how much of a good kid Mark is, Johnny's probably not the first person to think that Mark liked them in return from how the younger treated everyone with respect and sincerity. He grits his teeth as he pulls a clean shirt over his head. He should let Mark live his life. It’s for the better. 

Speaking of the younger, Johnny think he should at least give a final check to him. He opened the door to his room and gently walked towards him. He was definitely looking far better but he was still shivering. Johnny adjusted his blanket, pulling it up to his chin and was about to leave when he felt a weak hand circle his wrist. 

“Mark?” Johnny sat back down near him as the grip on his wrist tightened. “What do you need?” He whispered, worried. 

“It’s so cold,” He whispered as Johnny placed his palm on Mark’s forehead, checking his temperature once again. The moment Mark felt Johnny's hand on his cold skin once again, he couldn't help but release a sigh while drawing near it. He was so _warm._

“You want me to get you another blanket?” Johnny asked, moving his hand to cup Mark’s cheeks after seeing the younger nuzzle against it. 

“No,” Mark said, eyes still closed. “Don’t go.” Mark muttered, voice so low Johnny almost missed it. Almost. He raised his eyebrow to Mark although he knew the younger wasn’t looking at him. 

“Okay, I’ll just get your another—“ Johnny starts. 

“No,” Mark groaned out, hand weakly pulling at Johnny’s arm. “Please stay.” 

Johnny feels like he was dreaming. Mark was probably so delirious from fatigue and the medicine Johnny gave him that he was muttering nonsense. But— 

“Okay.” Johnny replied softly. How is he able to say no to him? He lifts Mark’s blanket and made himself comfortable on the bed. The moment he was settled, Mark automatically latched himself to his side. 

“Hyung, you’re so warm.” Mark whispers as he wraps his arm around the middle of Johnny’s waist, getting himself closer to the warmth by his side. “So warm.” Mark echoed once again as Johnny gave a gentle chuckle. 

“Go to sleep, Mark.” He said, pressing a kiss on his forehead before he could stop himself. He waited for a reaction against what he just did but it never came. Instead, the hand around his waist just seemed to hold him tighter. Although he was an inch away from falling off the side of the bed with a blanket that only covered half of him, there was no place in the world Johnny would rather be. 

Johnny woke up a few hours later with the sunlight directly shining on his face. He opened his eyes with a groan and remembered that he wasn’t in his room. He slowly craned his neck to take a look at the sleeping figure laying on his chest and let a smile show on his face.

Mark was definitely looking better compared to yesterday. Not also does it look like his fever has subsided, Mark looked calmer and relaxed. Johnny beams at the idea of being the reason why he’s finally feeling better. He takes a few minutes taking in the younger’s sleeping face knowing there will never come a chance to in the future. He raised his hand which wasn’t curled around Mark’s to brush the stray hair on his face. Mark stirred a little, face scrunching slightly from the contact but he didn’t wake up. Johnny would give everything for his mornings to always start like this. 

Sadly, life wasn’t that easy. 

He reached for his phone on the table beside Mark’s bed and saw that he has around less than an hour to shower and get to his class. Although there was nothing more he wants than to stay with Mark, he knew that he should probably go before Mark woke up. To save the younger from the embarrassment or discomfort of seeing Johnny on his bed.

He slowly pulled away from Mark, trying his best not to wake him and after a little difficulty, he successfully untangled his limbs from him. He checked Mark’s temperature again and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it significantly improved over the night. His body would still be weak so he probably still won’t be able to go to class and training, though.

Before he went ahead to his class, he placed Mark’s medicine on his bedside table with a note as to when he should take them. He gave one last look at his sleeping form and before he could stop himself once again, placed a kiss on Mark’s forehead. He knew he shouldn’t have done that but you can’t blame him since it’s the only way he could get close to Mark without the other flinching. And he’s sure it’ll be the first and last, anyway. 

Although he woke up a few times after that with sweat clinging to his back from how close they were to each other and lacking a little sleep from waking up on random times in the middle of the night to check up on Mark, he doesn’t regret it one bit. 

———

Mark woke up, stretching his limbs and feeling significantly better compared to yesterday morning. His head wasn’t pounding, he can breathe through his nose now and he has the energy to walk for more than 6 feet without falling. He looked at the time and saw that it was a little before lunch. Mark rolled over, reached his hands out to the side of his bed and was met with the cold and empty sheet. _He must’ve gone to class already._

He felt his cheeks redden as he remembered the events of yesterday. Johnny took such good care of him. Although he was mostly delirious from fatigue and going in and out of consciousness, he was still considerably aware of what was happening around him. He remembers with prefect clarity at how Johnny took such gentle care of him. From preparing medicine, feeding him and not letting him out of his sight. 

_What an ideal step-brother,_ Mark thought as he stared at his ceiling. If he only knew what Mark did to him, he probably would’ve let his condition get worse. Although Mark thinks that Johnny still wasn’t the type to do that, still.

Mark stood on his feet and went towards the mirror to check his reflection. He felt at the shirt he was wearing and saw that it was too large to be his. He was wearing Johnny’s shirt. He felt his cheeks redden again when he remember Johnny replacing his shirt. In Mark’s defense, he had no energy to do it himself so he was grateful that Johnny went to that kind of length just to make sure Mark didn’t bathe in his own sweat all night. 

Speaking of last night, he had such a good night’s sleep. He doesn’t remember being able to sleep that quickly in a _long_ time. He knew his body was tired but a huge part of him believed that it was greatly due to Johnny. Just listening to the other’s heartbeat made Mark relax in record time and the older’s warm body also treated the coldness he was feeling. When he asked him to stay, Mark didn’t expect the other to say yes. When the words left his mouth, he was just thinking about how warm Johnny would feel beside him. However, when the took a second to repeat what he said in his mind, he instantly regretted it from how demanding he sounded. He was about to take it back when Johnny took his spot next to him. 

And Mark, not wanting to let the opportunity past and knowing it was probably the last and only time Johnny would be this close to him, made sure to make the most out of the moment. He knew Johnny was only that kind to him because he was sick but Mark can’t help but imagine Johnny actually wanting to be with him. It’s been such a long time since someone made him feel so, so warm on the outside and on the inside, too. 

He went out his room with the goal of making food. He brought out the ingredients out and tried his best to follow the instructions behind the pancake box but when it came to actually cooking his batter, his pancakes came out burnt and looking inedible. He also though that he miscalculated his strength as he tightly clutched the counter for support, he doesn't seem to be able to stand for an extended amount of time.  Seems like he still wasn’t completely fine yet. He let his burnt pancakes sit on the sink with a clatter before whipping out his phone to order take-out. Why did he even think he can cook?

“Mark?” Johnny suddenly asked from behind him and Mark would’ve jumped if he had the energy to be surprised but since his body wasn’t well yet, he gave a little yelp instead. 

“Hyung, you surprised me.” Mark said, clutching his chest and sitting down on the chair. 

Johnny only chuckled at him before setting a paper bag down the kitchen table. “You okay?” He asked as he went towards Mark, placing his palm on the younger’s forehead once which Mark had to fight the urge to nuzzle. Again. 

“I’m fine,” Mark said. “Hungry, though.” He added honestly. 

“What is this supposed to be?” Johnny asked him as he pointed to the pancakes Mark tried to make. They don’t even look anything like pancakes. 

“Pancakes.” Mark muttered as Johnny snickered. 

“Really can’t cook after all these years?” Johnny teased while Mark fidgeted with his shirt. It was true, anyway. 

“I was about to order take-out,” Mark starts, ears red. 

“No need to,” Johnny said as he opened the paper bag he was bringing. “I bought food for us.” He said, bringing out box after box of what looked like Chinese food. “Let’s eat.” Johnny said with a smile directed to smile and Mark didn’t need to be told twice. 

“Thank for the food, hyung.” Mark said after they finished eating. 

“It’s good that you finished your food.” Johnny told him as he gestured to Mark’s clean plate. “You were so stubborn yesterday, I even had to spoon feed you but I don't think you remember. You looked so tired. ” Johnny says with a chuckle while Mark felt his cheeks redden, saying nothing. He remembers what Johnny was saying in perfect clarity but he didn't say it out loud. “Don’t forget to drink you medicine. You still look a little pale.” Johnny said after a few moments, as he put away their dirty plates which Mark was obviously to weak to do. 

This was so unreal. Johnny was teasing him again and it’s messing with Mark’s mind again. 

“Why are you being so kind to me?” Mark said suddenly before he could stop himself. He saw the older stiffen so he knew that Johnny heard him perfectly. “I thought you hated me.” Mark said, voice a little louder this time. He wanted to know.

“What are you talking about?” Johnny asked, back still to Mark’s.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Mark said, feeling his confidence heighten. “You told me you hated me right before you went to university and when I got here, you were always avoiding and ignoring me but now look at you.” Mark made a gesture even though Johnny still wasn't facing him. 

“Wasn’t that what you told me to do?” Johnny answered. "Remember when you got here the first day? Didn't even let me speak, just told me to downright ignore each other." 

“I only said that because you told me you hated me!” Mark exclaimed, voice getting louder. "I didn't ask for you to be this kind to me! Taking care of me and even feeding me at every chance you get, that's not—" 

"Mark, I'm not completely heartless." Johnny argued, leaning back on the kitchen counter and facing Mark. "You were sick and as your older step-brother, I can't just watch you suffer." Mark winced when he heard the word _step-brother_. Just like he thought, he was only doing this because Johnny felt it was his _obligation_ to take care of his troublesome younger step-brother. 

"It's not your job to take care of me, though." Mark muttered. "I know I'm just your troublesome _step-brother_ but—"

"I know that it isn't my obligation to take care of you, Mark." Johnny answered. "I need you to know that I _wanted_ to take care of you." Mark's shoulders dropped. "And as for ignoring you, weren't you the one who told me that and to get out of each other's way. You said that, not me." Johnny said. "I tried at first but it's just so troublesome trying to pretend we don't exist to each other." Johnny said with a sigh, brushing a hand over his hair. "And I'll have you know you're pretty hard to ignore."

“I just didn’t want to get in your way.” He added, this time softer. "I though that's what you wanted." Why is Johnny making it look like it's his fault again?

"I never said that." Johnny answered and Mark turned to look at him in the eyes. 

"Aren't you supposed to hate me?" Mark asked and Johnny flinched. “When we started living together back at your house, you were nothing but kind to me. I knew I wasn’t exactly the best kid out there but you showed me attention and patience that nobody has ever shown me before.” 

Mark continues, he was already here so might as well say what was on his mind. “Even though we only spent a few weeks together, it was the best time I’ve ever had with someone other than myself. I thought of how lucky I was to have someone like you in my life—like, this older brother I never had.” Mark said and he cringed at the word _brother_ because he never looked at Johnny as his brother, given all the thoughts he had for him but it was true, still. “I really thought my life was bound to get better at that point and then suddenly before you went away, you told me you _hated_ me. What was up with that?” Mark said, starting to get irritated.

Johnny was listening to him silently, looking ahead and not meeting Mark’s eyes. “I was—“ He started but Mark cut him off. He has a lot to get out of his chest. 

“I hope you know that it was never my fault that my dad chose to marry your mom!” Mark argued. “I had no control over that and yet you made me feel like it’s my fault.” Mark repeated. “And now that I’m here with you, you just keep on confusing me! One moment you’re kind to me and one moment you’ll look at me like there’s nothing in the world you want than for me to just disappear!” 

“Mark, that’s not—“ 

“Let me finish, I hope you know how confusing you are because I don’t even know if you like me or not. The last time you made me feel like you actually liked me, you told me a few weeks after that you were just pretending for your mom. But now that Ji-eun is here, you’re acting okay to me again! So am I supposed to believe you now or are you just toying with me again like you did before?” Mark was red in the face, fuming. 

Johny was silent for a few minutes as he absorbed Mark’s words. “Mark, I never hated you.” 

“Then why did you—“ Mark starts, anger rising again. 

“Listen.” Johnny told him, taking the seat in front of Mark. “I said some things that I didn’t mean back then. I honestly wanted to apologize to you but I never had the opportunity to because the moment you entered the apartment, you told me to ignore you and that we should just get out of each other’s way.” 

“I only said that because you said you hated me!” Mark grumbled. 

“I know, I said that when I was young and it’s honestly one of the things that I regretted.” Johnny answered and Mark can sense his honesty. “I’m really sorry for what I did back then and I just want to make it clear to you right now that I have never hated you. Ever.” 

“Then why did you have to say that?“ Mark says, confused. 

“Because I was an idiot.” Johnny answers while Mark scoffs. 

“Yeah, you are.” Mark mutters and Johnny doesn’t retort because he knew he deserved that.

“I was supposed to be older than you but I let my emotions get the best of me.” Johnny told him as he brushed a hand over his face. “Everything was moving too fast for me. My mom and I were doing great and ten suddenly, you and your dad swopped in—“ 

“You know I had no control over that right? I didn’t ask to be you to be my step-brother.” Mark retorts and sees Johnny flinch. 

“I know that which is why I’m telling you that I’m sorry. I didn’t exactly handle it well.” Johnny says while Mark nods at him, agreeing. “When I heard that my mom was marrying your dad, I was pissed, to say the least, but I never wanted my mom to be upset so I told myself that I would just try to pretend to get along with you until I had to leave for college.” Johnny explained, wringing his hands on the table. “But you made it so hard.” 

“What?” 

“You made it so hard for me not to like you, Mark.” Johnny caught Mark’s eye and the younger could see how sincere he was being. “I never had to pretend to like you. You were such a good kid and you and I just got along so well.” 

“Then why did you have to say those hurtful things to me?” 

“When I realized how much I lo—like you, it pissed me off,“ Johnny was getting a little too carried away. “So I pushed you away.” Johnny finished. “I know it’s such a shit reason but I was young and I wasn’t thinking right. I’m sorry.” 

Mark was silent for a moment before replying to him. “That‘s a stupid reason.”

“I know, which is why I’m apologizing.” 

“So you’re telling me, after all this time, that you don’t hate me?” 

“Never did.” Johnny answered. Mark was looking at him but he has no idea what the other was thinking.

“You’re a dumbass.” Mark commented, staring straight at Johnny. 

“I am.” Johnny admitted. There was a strong stretch of silence until he heard Mark snicker. “So, can you please find it in your heart to forgive your dumbass of a step-brother?” 

“I’ll have you know that for 3 years, you made me think that there was something I did for you to hate me.” 

“Mark, there’s nothing you could do that would make me hate you.” Johnny says, sincerity dripping in his voice. Mark pauses and thinks about that night when he was drunk and wondered that if he remembered, would he still be saying the same thing? 

“I’m just glad that you made it clear.” Mark said. “Although I would’ve preferred if you told me this earlier because avoiding you is difficult.” 

“I’m sorry.” Johnny said again. “But I’m glad I was able to clear this out with you. It’s one of the things that’s been killing me.” 

“Serves you right.” Mark added with a smile as Johnny rubbed the back of his neck. “But yeah, I agree. It's great to finally get that out of my chest.”

“Let’s start over?” Johnny asks, eyes bright after a few quiet moments. He was glad that he has finally given a formal apology to Mark but he would be lying if he said that he has gotten everything out of his chest. However, staring at the smile on Mark’s face, he thinks that this is enough. Better this than the younger avoiding him. He shouldn’t be selfish. 

“Okay.” Mark answers, a grin playing on his face. He was relieved that this one weight in his shoulder has finally been lifted. Being in good and clear terms with Johnny was all Mark ever wanted and here it was. He knows that there were a lot of unsaid things such as his true feeling for him but Mark knew this is as good as it’s going to get. He just wanted to be around Johnny for as long as he could at this point.

The both of them knew that they were able to tell each other what they've been wanting to for the past few years. However, there was still this undeniable feeling that they both said everything and at the same time, nothing at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, the chapters are getting harder and harder to write for me. Words were not coming to me at all. I hope you guys aren't _too_ disappointed with this chapter, haha. 
> 
> Anyway, I really wanted to write a more mentally healthy Mark. Yay for growth! Wanted him to realize his limits and learn how to deal with them. :)
> 
> Comments really keep me going so please, please talk to me and tell me what you think of the chapter. And thank you to everyone who commented on the previous chapter, I'm so thankful for you! And I just want to tell you guys that this fic is coming to a super close end! Just around 2 chapters left. I hope. Haha.
> 
> Stay safe, everyone!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! This was a lot for me, haha. I hope you like it!
> 
> If there are any misspellings or grammatical errors, I apologize.

“You want ice cream?” Johnny asks Mark as he held up the tub of ice-cream with one hand in front of him.  They only arrived at the apartment a few of minutes ago after going to the grocery and honestly, all Mark wants right now is to take a nap given how great the weather is.

“Sure,” Mark answers and Johnny pulls out two mugs from the cabinet. Today's weather was cool and the thought of burying himself under his sheets has been on Mark's mind since this morning but who is he to deny in the face of ice cream?

“Vanilla or chocolate?” Johnny asks, twirling the scoop around his hands. 

“Can’t I have both?” Mark counters with a raised brow. Johnny lets an amused smile show on his face while Mark settles himself on top of counter, silently watching Johnny’s arm flexing as he scoops out the ice cream. His arms were practically the same size as Mark's thighs. He knew their strengths were different but he knows Johnny could carry him without even breaking a sweat. It’s going to forever irritate Mark how quick his thoughts stray to dangerous waters at the most mundane things the older does. Johnny doesn't even have to do anything to have him blushing. 

“Here you go,” Johnny draws near towards Mark to stand in front of him. Johnny was only harmlessly reaching his mug out to him but their positions had Mark thinking about pulling Johnny in between his knees and circling his legs around his waist to draw him closer. Instead, he settles with thanking him. Focusing his attention on the contents of the mug and not about the flutter in his stomach when Johnny’s hands brushed against his.

Mark walks towards the living room right after to hide his flushed face while trying to relax his beating heart. Johnny follows him with a mug full of vanilla ice cream and sits himself on the foot of the couch, making Mark fold his outstretched legs in order to make room for him. The other chair was vacant and Mark wondered for a moment on why Johnny didn’t just sit there until he grabbed the remote and opened the television. _Ah._ If Johnny sat there he would’ve have to crane his neck to watch. Why did he even think that Johnny sat beside him simply because he _wanted_ to? 

“Want to watch anything?” Johnny asked as he flipped through the titles. 

“Anything you want is fine,” Mark answered as he took another spoonful of the ice cream in his mug. Winter break was near and the weather was starting to get cold but it didn’t stop the both of them buying two tubs of ice cream a while ago. 

It was a very interesting experience— going grocery shopping with Johnny. Fun and annoyingly domestic too. 

“This is your first time going with me to the grocery, you know that?” Johnny told him after thanking the cashier. Mark’s ears turned red when he grabbed their bags from the counter. He _does_ know. 

“You never asked me to go with you,” Mark explained, a little embarrassed at the fact that Johnny has been the only one buying food for the both of them. He always just found the fridge stacked with food so he didn’t think about it much, which was wrong now that he’s thinking of it now. 

“It’s fine.” Johnny answered. “I’m sure if I had you with me back then I won’t be able to buy anything.” Johnny’s eyes were teasing whereas Mark's were full of confusion.  What did he mean by that? “‘Cause you probably would’ve just spent the money all on those strawberry yoghurts you love so much.” Johnny said with a snicker while Mark pushed him to the side with his shoulder. Mark tried to defend his love for yoghurt by arguing how unnecessary it was for Johnny to have 3 different kinds of coffee beans when they reached where the older parked his car. 

"Did I make you overspend?" Mark asked with a frown when Johnny mentioned that there was a lot more bags compared to the previous times where he shopped alone.

Johnny shook his head and told him that he didn't mean anything by it and that it was just an observation. "It's fine," Johnny replied as they both fastened their seatbelts. "Wouldn't really mind spending more on food as long as it’s you," Johnny added with a shrug, turning the ignition key and leaving Mark with a warm feeling in his stomach. Mark shook his head and told himself that he needs to stop taking what Johnny says out of context. Johnny's words often leave him feeling all fuzzy inside but it also leaves an empty feeling in its wake, knowing he's just trying to make something out of nothing once again.

After the talk they had a week ago, conversations came easier and since they weren’t actively trying to ignore each other anymore, Mark had the opportunity to spend more time with the older. He’s spoken to Johnny more this week than the all of the days of the previous semester combined.

Looking back, Mark didn’t even know Johnny remembered how much he loved yoghurts since he was sure that the time he last saw him eat them was when they were still living together at the house. Mark remembers the surprise he felt when he saw a stack of them in their fridge when he moved in with Johnny. 

Spending time with Johnny had given Mark the opportunity to reminisce about the past when they were still living under the same roof. He always finds himself too pleased whenever Johnny would bring up a memory Mark thought he wouldn’t remember or notice. Like his love for yoghurts. What he preferred to eat for breakfast. Or Mark’s go-to drink. The older didn’t even ask about it when they went to the coffee shop a couple of days ago. Mark was prepared to tell the barista his drink when Johnny did it for him and the gesture sent a pleasant feeling in him, to say the least. 

It was the fact that Johnny remembers all these small details about him that made Mark’s heart ache all the more. He remembers the ride back in Johnny’s car a while ago. Johnny was humming at the song that was currently playing on his radio, focused on the road and looking relaxed. There was nothing really special about the day but for Mark, he knew that it'll be a memory he would treasure for a long time.

Johnny had one hand on the steering wheel and Mark couldn't help but imagine reaching out and holding his free hand with his own. _If only._ He knows that he should be stopping these kind if thoughts already but he still can’t help but imagine _more_ with Johnny. 

He is sent to the present when Johnny finally chooses a movie, the loud opening music alarming him. Mark watches distractedly as a little of the ice-cream drips on Johnny’s fingers and he quickly averts his gaze as he sees Johnny’s tongue dart out to lick his finger clean. Mark is quickly reminded of the night he had with Johnny on the same couch, his tongue in—

“What are you thinking about?” Johnny asks him suddenly and Mark’s eyes widen from being caught staring. He thinks Johnny’s used to it though, after meeting his eyes for a number of times already. Mark slowly set his finished mug on the table, thinking fast for a bullshit answer when he felt a yawn escape from his mouth. “Ah,” Johnny said as he made a show of looking at his watch. “Isn’t it a little too early to be your bedtime?” He said it in a teasing tone and Mark hates how he makes him smile so easily even when Johnny's obviously messing with him. 

“Hey, I woke up early for training!” Mark argues, giving a look at the movie Johnny chose. Seemed to be another old action film— Mark would’ve been up to watch it if only his eyes weren’t slowly closing already. “And when I got home, we went straight to the grocery.” Mark adds, fighting another yawn.

“Why don’t you take a nap?” Johnny tells him. 

“That’s the plan,” Mark says, rising to his feet to go towards his room when Johnny suddenly spoke up.

“Here,” Johnny says, loud and clear enough that Mark couldn’t have possibly misheard him. He grabs a small pillow from the other chair and sets it on his lap while Mark brows raise. _Was he—?_

“Aren’t you watching a movie?” Mark asks instead, still looking at Johnny who has now had an arm slung over the back of the couch, looking very comfortable and not like Mark who had a million thoughts running over his head. He doesn't think he can survive with his head on Johnny’s lap although he would be lying if he said that he hasn’t dreamt of a moment like this before. 

“Is it too loud?” Johnny asks, eyes wide and looking a little apologetic. “I’ll lower the volume for you.” He says while Mark gives him another disbelieving look. He shouldn't be reading too much on this. Johnny was just offering him to sleep on the couch, nothing more and nothing less. Like when Haechan would pulls Mark to sleep beside him. But he isn't exactly harbouring secret feelings for Haechan now, is he? 

Mark bites his lower lip and gives in, lying down and settling his head on Johnny’s lap. He's probably not going to get another opportunity like this anymore. He doesn’t admit it out loud but he can’t describe how completely overjoyed he is by Johnny's invitation. He adjusted the position of his neck a couple of times to find a comfortable position until he felt Johnny’s hand gently rake his hand through his hair. 

“What?” Mark questions, ignoring how fast his heart was beating. 

Mark musters up the courage to crane his neck towards Johnny above him who seemed to be focused on raking his hand through his hair, not noticing Mark looking at him a little dazed. He resisted the urge to sigh into his touch and— “Your hair’s getting really dry.” Johnny comments suddenly, interrupting Mark’s thoughts. 

Really, Johnny really speaks his mind too much sometimes although he knew that the other wasn’t exactly trying to hurt him. After a few days of spending almost every waking moment when he’s not in class or outside with the other, he has come to a realization that Johnny just loves to annoy him as much as his friends who live two floors down. 

“It’s the chlorine!” Mark muttered under his breath, blushing at how he let his thoughts get the best of him again.“Wake me up after an hour,” He added, trying not to make it obvious how much he is enjoying Johnny brushing his hand through his hair. Reminds him of when—

“Mark,” He opens his eyes to look up at Johnny who was staring back down at him intensely with a spark in his eyes. He doesn't get how Johnny still looks good at this angle. Speaking of angle, if Mark would raise his head a little more and if Johnny would get just a tad bit closer, their lips would touch— wait, _no_. What was he thinking again? 

“What?” Mark whispered, automatically berating himself internally for sounding too breathless. Is he tired or does Johnny look like he’s a few seconds away from kissing him?

“Drool on me and I’ll push you.” Johnny said with a grin until Mark pinched his leg in retaliation. The other gave an annoyed yelp while Mark stuck his tongue out at him in return. 

Mark didn’t exactly get the kiss he wanted— which he knew was impossible— but he still wouldn’t mind more weekends like this even if Johnny keeps on annoying him at every change he gets. But only as long as it always ends up with him having Johnny this close to him.

———

“You and your hyung seem to be getting along again,” Yuta tells Mark after having finished having lunch at a place Jaemin recommended. They are now taking their time walking around the surrounding shops, breathing the fresh air away from campus and catching up with each other. It was a good day out. The weather was starting to get chilly but the sun was still shining brightly, it was a good balance of warm and cold.

“Yeah, we are,” Mark let a smile show on his face as he remembers the previous days he’s had with Johnny. It’s been great, to put it simply. There was a drastic change in his routine and attitude, which everyone didn't fail to notice.  Even his friends remarked that he was smiling more often now. Since he’s also been opting to go home right after classes and on weekends, it made them think that he’s met someone. He denied this and just told them that he was just trying to spend time with his _Johnny-hyung_ since it’s his last semester, which was true. They all seemed to understand his explanation except for Haechan, who was staring at him with a discerning look in his eyes.

Mark used to hate when it was time for him to go back to the apartment, dreading the times where he would have to avoid Johnny or the days where he would be met with the cold and empty apartment. Nowadays, he looks forward to coming home especially when he knows that a certain someone would be waiting for him. Mark and Johnny now spend their mornings together, taking the time to eat breakfast together no matter how tight their schedules are. They found a decent time after Mark’s training and before Johnny’s class which was a little short but it was still worth it since it gave Mark the opportunity to see Johnny in the morning right before going to class.  It’s where he gets his energy for the day but he wouldn't say that out loud. They also eat out together whenever they can, especially when they don’t want to cook or are tired of eating in which always fell on most nights.

In a short time, Johnny was able to seamlessly fit in Mark's schedule that the younger didn't even have to adjust anything in order to spend time with him. Their schedules simply worked out. If he's being honest, h e’s never felt this happy in his life. He doesn’t really want to say that he’s completely content because there’s still the lingering and selfish feeling of wanting _more_ but, still. It’s at the point where the younger doesn’t even want to imagine what next year would bring, especially since Johnny won’t be around him anymore. Mark shakes the thought away and puts himself in the present. He’ll worry about that when it comes. 

“We finally cleared up a lot of things about the past few years,” Mark told him with a smile on his face that only appeared when he would think of Johnny. Yuta let a knowing grin appear on his lips, Mark was so easy to read whenever it was concerning his friend. 

_Finally,_ Yuta thought as he slung an arm around Mark’s shoulders. “Johnny’s a real dumbass, right?” He tells him with a lopsided grin. 

“You knew about it?” Mark asks brows furrowed. 

“Yeah, we kind of tell each other everything.” Yuta replies with a wink. He treated Johnny like a brother and Yuta knew that the other regarded him as such as well. “Well, almost everything.” Yuta added when he remembered that there's been this feeling that Johnny hasn’t completely been telling him everything which was generally fine because the both of them don’t really work that way. They give each other space and wait for each other until the other is ready to say whatever is it they want to open up about. 

He knew he wasn’t always going to be there for Johnny so he’s grateful that he has Mark for that now. At this point, Yuta doesn't really care much about the circumstances they’re in. He’s known Johnny for a long time already and now that he has also become closer to Mark, there is literally no one in the world he would love more for Johnny. It’s their life and if what they feel for each other is mutual, that’s enough for Yuta. 

“How did you talk about it?” Yuta presses. Mark explained that Johnny apologized for what he did and said a few years ago. He gave Yuta his view and opinion on their situation since he knew that Yuta already heard Johnny’s side. “I can’t believe he made you wait this long,” Yuta added with a roll of his eyes. Yuta has always been very vocal about calling out his friends' stupidity so hearing him ranting about Johnny just made him chuckle.

“We're past it though,” Mark says with a shrug. No point in dwelling about the past when he knew it wouldn't do them any good, anyway.

“Hope he knows how lucky it is to have someone as patient as you,” Yuta said with another cheeky grin that made Mark look at him with a raised brow.

“Yeah,” Mark trails with a slight nod. He didn’t think that he was the right one in this situation since they both had their own faults because it was something that could’ve been cleared up earlier if they only _talked_. So he didn't want to make it look like Johnny's the only one to blame for their lack of communication.

“And?” Yuta asks with a smile like he was anticipating something. “Come on, Mark. You don’t have to hide anything from me, you already know I know everything,” Yuta wiggled his brows comically which should’ve made Mark laugh but it only made him all the more confused. Why does it feels like they’re not on the same page?

“That’s really all of it,” Mark explains, completely clueless. “What else are we supposed to talk about?” 

Yuta stared at him for a long moment and saw that Mark was really looking back at him with a genuinely clueless expression. Yuta’s eyes widen when he realized that Johnny most likely haven’t told him about his feeling about Mark yet which was why they weren't completely understanding each other. _Fuck._ He almost messed up big time. 

“No-nothing,” Yuta says, walking a little ahead of Mark to hide his panicked expression. “Mark, look!” Yuta said suddenly, stopping in front a second-hand store, quickly trying to change the topic. Mark just looked at him questioningly before ultimately deciding to drop whatever it was he wanted to ask him. Yuta was already pointing at something else anyway, making it evident that he has no intention of continuing the topic.

“Want to take a look inside?” Mark asks. It was a store that had a lot of interesting pieces, judging from the window display alone.

“Let’s go,” Yuta says, pulling at the door and opening it for Mark. They went opposite ways the moment they got in, each wanting to get a closer look at the different things that caught their attention.  There were second-hand clothes, vintage band shirts and shoes. Mark was only intent on looking around until he happened to find a shelf full of vintage cameras. From the moment he saw them, one person automatically came into mind. _He would love to see this,_ Mark thought with a smile before pulling out his phone to snap a quick picture to show later.

“Johnny would like this place,” Yuta says, appearing from beside him with a shirt slung over his shoulder, saying exactly what Mark was thinking.

“I know,” Mark says with a smile. Maybe he would go back here with Johnny. Maybe.  “Is that for you?” Mark asks as he pointed at the shirt Yuta was currently paying for. 

“Nope, it’s for Jaehyun.” Yuta said. “He’s been looking for a vintage shirt similar to mine, I think he’ll like this one.” He replied after thanking the man at the cashier. 

“How are they?” Mark asks as they come out of the store, remembering Doyoung complaining about the place they were staying at with the annoying neighbour. “Did they find a new place yet?” 

“Yeah, actually.” Yuta says, taking a sip out of the coffee they picked up from the convenience store a while ago. “They found a good place a week after the party.” He said before suddenly snapping his fingers. "Ten recommended them a place." 

"That's good," Mark adds unenthusiastically.  Mark cringed at the mention of the other's name and it wasn't something Yuta missed, no matter how subtle it was. 

"Speaking of Ten," Yuta continues while Mark toyed with the sleeve of his coffee cup. "Johnny and him are just friends," 

"I didn't ask—" Mark starts. 

"I know, I just want to tell you." Yuta says, interrupting Mark with a shrug. "I mean, they used to sleep with each other but it never really went past that," Yuta continues. "Ten wanted more but Johnny simply didn't want a relationship with him." Yuta drops it like it was nothing while Mark's mouth opens in shock.

"Why?" Mark asks, not bothering to hide his interest. "Ten seems like the _perfect_ guy," He also didn't bother hiding the bitterness in his voice.

"Let's say Johnny was too caught up with a different guy," Yuta replies with a curious smile in his face. "Still is, actually," He added in a low voice which Mark barely caught. "But Johnny and Ten are good now, though. Ten's completely over Johnny already but I was really surprised when you told me that he visited Johnny because they haven't met with each other for a long time already. Johnny really must have been very frustrated to have called Ten," Yuta adds with a laugh.

They walk silently after that. A million questions running through Mark's mind. Johnny liked someone else? Is there even someone better than Ten? The person Johnny likes must be really amazing and beautiful for Johnny to pick them over someone like Ten. _I wonder if I know him?_

“Anyway, that reminds me!” Yuta said with bright eyes. 

“What?” Mark asks, almost dropping his own coffee cup from the way Yuta bumped into him in excitement.

“It really sucks you went home early during Johnny’s party,” Yuta explains, eyes wide and looking ahead, like he was remembering something funny. 

“Why, what happened?” Mark asks, making himself look interested. He doesn’t want to make it obvious that’s he’s been trying to his best to put that night at the back of his mind. Seeing Ten and having to lie about a headache. Not to mention him and a very drunk Johnny doing questionable things on the couch which Mark embarrassingly still has been using to get himself off. _Pathetic, I know._

“Doyoung, he—“ Yuta stops to laugh while Mark, along with the other people on the sidewalk, look at him in confusion. “So like, Doyoung isn’t really good with handling his alcohol,” Mark nods, being reminded of himself. “So, he got really shit-faced drunk and—“ 

“You should’ve seen Johnny-hyung, he could barely carry himself when he entered the apartment.” Mark adds before immediately regretting ever opening his mouth. He probably shouldn’t have said that. Actually, Yuta should’ve seen him since he was at the same party so Mark mentioning this wouldn’t be out of the blue. He was just contributing to the conversation, right?

“Wait, what?” Yuta asks, looking at Mark with a funny look on his face. Did he say something wrong? “Johnny doesn’t get drunk, what are you talking about?” Yuta says with a disbelieving scoff.

“Well, you should’ve seen him. Actually— you _should have_ since you guys were in the same room,” Mark replies, looking equally baffled. Something wasn’t right here. Are they even talking about the same night?

“Johnny doesn’t drink,” Yuta says, completely serious for the first time since they met today, making Mark all the more confused. “Are we even talking about the same Johnny?” Yuta asks. Mark rolls his eyes at him, starting to get a little irritated by how Yuta was looking at him like he was joking when Mark has never been more serious in his life. He was there, he took care of Johnny!

“Well, I don’t know any other people named ‘Johnny’,” Mark sarcastically replies with a shake of his head. Why isn’t Yuta trying to understand him when he himself saw how drunk Johnny was? “Trust me, he was so drunk that I had to help him get to the couch. He reeked so much of alcohol it was almost like he bathed in it,” 

“That’s what I’m supposed to tell you!” Yuta says as he held his hands up at Mark. “Doyoung got so unbelievably drunk that he tripped and accidentally poured alcohol over Johnny! He was literally soaked,” Yuta continues with a chuckle.

_Wait, what?_ “Poured? What do you mean?” Mark repeats although he heard perfectly well what Yuta said. The other just proceeded to laugh his ass off, not aware of the questions running through Mark’s mind. _That’s impossible._ Johnny was drunk. He— “What do you mean Johnny doesn’t drink?” Mark asks, voice shaking. 

“Yeah, Johnny doesn’t drink.” Yuta said with a nod. “His dad passed away because of a drunk-driver when he was young. After that incident, he swore to himself not to drink,” Yuta explained and Mark feels light-headed from the sudden influx of information. “Didn’t he tell you that?” 

_No, he didn’t,_ Mark wants to say but he can’t seem to find his voice as all the previous memories came back to him. When Yuta and Taeyong would come over, Johnny always had a bottle of water or a can of coke in his hand when the others would have beer. Well, when he was at Johnny’s party, he didn’t even see Johnny touch an alcoholic drink the whole time he was there. _Wait, does that mean—_

“I— He— I don’t—,“ Mark stutters, trying his best to form sentences with his mind in complete shambles. “He didn’t tell me that,” He was able to blurt out. He needs to go back to the apartment right now. He has a lot of questions and he knows that the only person who can give him the right answers is back at the apartment right now. “Yuta-hyung, I need to go,” Mark was able to blurt out before turning around and leaving Yuta calling at him. He knew it was rude to just leave him hanging but there was a much more important question lingering in his head.

_Johnny knew?_

———

The door slams close and Mark didn’t bother to contain his voice. “You lied to me?” Mark snaps the moment he entered the apartment and saw Johnny leisurely sitting in the living room, completely opposite of Mark who was absolutely fuming.

“Mark? What are you—“ Johnny asks, confused at the sudden outburst. Sensing something absolutely wrong, he stood up from his seat and tried to walk towards Mark who was absolutely fuming. 

“Don’t go near me,” Mark hisses, hands tightly clenched on his sides.

“Mark, what happened?” Johnny asks, staying rooted on his spot, not wanting to anger him more.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know,” Mark scoffs, crossing his hands in front of him as if shielding himself away from Johnny. The older doesn't like what was happening.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mark.” Johnny says with his brows furrowed. “Take a seat and let’s—“

“The party,” Mark says, looking up at Johnny who has now visibly stiffened. 

“Mark, let me explain—“ The older tries to say, heart stopping the moment he realized what Mark was talking about. _Fuck._

“So it’s true?” He explodes, eyes cold as he glares at Johnny. “Yuta told me you never drink so you weren’t drunk at all?” Mark looks at him with disbelieving eyes. 

“No, I wasn’t.” Johnny says, shoulders dropping in surrender. No point in hiding about it now. 

“What—“ Mark feels his knees weaken, not believing what he just heard. Johnny’s words were short and soft but the confirmation felt so loud to his own ears that it had him reeling. “How long were you planning on hiding this from me?” He demanded, taking a step close to Johnny who was looking at him apologetically. “You fucking asshole,”

Johnny flinched but he knew he deserved that. When he saw Mark suddenly make his exit without even throwing a glance or saying something to him, he immediately knew that something wasn't right. He thought that Mark only going to disappear for a moment but after Yuta told him that Mark went back to their apartment because wasn’t feeling well, Johnny wanted nothing but to follow him to see how well he was doing. However, leaving his own party was not only rude but Ten’s grip on his arm and his friends crowding around him stopped him from doing so. 

A little later during the night, Doyoung spilled a whole cup of alcohol on him and it gave him the opportunity to go back at the apartment to check on Mark with the guise of having to change his shirt.  He stumbled inside, feeling too uncomfortable with the disgusting shirt clinging to his front to be careful. That along with the reeking scent of alcohol made Mark come to the conclusion that he was drunk. Mark draped his arm around his shoulders and Johnny, relishing the amount of contact, didn’t correct him when he heard Mark ask how much he drank when he really was sober. He let himself appreciate Mark's scent and his soft skin without having to feel guilty about being in close proximity of the other. Next thing he knew, he was already pulling Mark towards him for a kiss, unable to stop himself. He didn’t intend for that to happen but when he felt Mark moan into his mouth and give back into the kiss with equal vigor, all reason disappeared from then on. 

“Mark, let me explain—“ Johnny starts, trying to walk towards Mark who took another step back. Johnny felt a sharp pang in his chest when he saw Mark's reaction so he decided to stay in his spot. 

“I can’t believe you,” Mark says, anger evident. “I’ve been letting all this guilt and shame over that night eat me alive because I thought I took advantage of you when you’re just as guilty as me!” Mark ranted, nostrils flaring. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” Mark asks, stomping his foot. “Why did you have to pretend to be drunk?”

“I wasn’t pretending to be drunk,” Johnny says, which probably wasn’t the right thing to say at the moment but he just wanted to get that across. “And I was supposed to tell you but when I woke up you already left and—“

“Then why didn’t you? If Yuta-hyung didn’t bring it up, how long do you actually plan on making me suffer alone?” Mark argues while Johnny let out a rough exhale.

“Listen, I did plan on talking about it but when I woke up you were already gone! I tried everything to contact you after; I called you but the line was _always_ unavailable and I sent you multiple messages asking you where you were which you didn’t answer. You don’t know how worried I was, I could barely eat without thinking about you. It was only when I was able to contact Haechan that I was able to breathe.”  Johnny answered, running a frustrated hand over his hair before continuing. “When you finally came home, I was so happy to see you but the moment you saw me you looked so down. I tried going towards you but you turned me away and when I tried to talk to you, you always shut me down,” Johnny explains, voice desperate for Mark to understand. “How was I supposed to react to that?”

“You should have told me still!” Mark argues, stomping his feet.

“You can’t imagine how much I wanted to,” Johnny says. He remembers Mark eyes after they kissed, the younger was looking at him with so much adoration that he thought they were feeling the same way for each other. But when he woke up alone, it made him realize that it was something he imagined from the heat of the moment. “But after seeing how disgusted you were at me when you came back, I just didn’t want to make you stressed all the more,” Johnny added.

“That doesn’t explain why you still did that! I can’t believe you made me look like a fucking idiot,” Mark says, voice trembling. “I can’t believe I let you make a fool out of me again,” He continues, fists tightly clenched at his sides. “I don’t even know what I did to you to ever deserve this,” Mark says, voice broken and Johnny can’t help but feel the guilt he was currently feeling to double. 

“Mark, I’m sorry,” Johnny pleads, slowly going towards Mark who had his head hung low. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like this, this is why I didn’t want to tell you—” 

“Stop saying that— and I don’t fucking want your pity!” Mark says through clenched teeth, still not meeting Johnny’s eyes. “Like, what was that? What was I to you then? Another fucking notch in your belt or something? Wasn’t Ten enough for you that you just had to release your frustrations on me knowing I wouldn’t be able to say no to you?” Mark says, tears threatening to spill over. He can’t believe this is happening. He is so fucking embarrassed and he knows he looks absolutely pathetic right now but he wants to get his point across. 

“Mark, no,” Johnny says, surprised that Mark would ever think that. “I didn’t want to tell you because I was afraid of how deep I could hurt you—” 

“Too fucking late for that now,” Mark mutters, settling on glaring at Johnny’s shoes. He doesn't have the energy to look at Johnny because he knows the tears he's been holding are going to spill the moment he meets the older's eyes.

“—but most of all I was afraid that you would stop wanting to see me anymore. I don't want to imagine not being able to see you anymore after everything. I mean, I barely lived through college without seeing you so I don't know how I'll live with the idea of not being able to see you anymore permanently this time,” Johnny said with a sigh. “When I kissed you that night, I thought you felt the same way for me since you didn’t exactly push me away when you had every reason to. If you did, I would’ve let you but you still stayed and gave me one of the most memorable nights in this pathetic life of mine. But after we did that, I realized how wrong I was when you made it clear how much you regretted it— pushing me away and making it obvious that you didn’t want to talk about it. I thought that confronting you would just hurt you and make you hate me more so, in the end, I thought that the only way to set us back to how we were previously was to pretend that it just didn’t happen.” 

“Wait— what?” Mark asks, confused at what Johnny said. 

“I’m sorry for being selfish. I kept this from you because I can’t imagine having you look at me again with hate in your eyes. I mean, of course, you have every right to look at me after this with disgust knowing that your step-brother likes you in an unhealthy way. I know you want to get as far as you can from me right now but before that, I just want to tell you that I only did that because—“

“Because what?” Mark urges, raising his head to look at Johnny who was looking absolutely regretful and miserable.

“Because I like you,” Johnny struggles to say the words but he still tries to meet Mark’s eyes, nonetheless. It was funny how hard it is to say those words out loud to Mark especially when he's been wanting to say that to him for years now. “I like you in a way that I know I shouldn't,” He adds and it only confuses Mark more until— “I love you, Mark.”

The younger’s breath hitches when Johnny uttered those words. _Did he just hear that right?_

“I love you so much and it was only that night that I couldn’t really control myself so, I’m sorry.” Johnny says once again. “I just want you to know that before I go. You can have the apartment, I’ll just find a place since I only have a semester left but just give me time to get my things.” Johnny says, turning around to head towards his room.

“Johnny-hyung,” Mark calls out and it made Johnny stop in his tracks. “What did you say? Did you say you love me—”

“I do and I know it’s not right for me to feel this but know that I don’t feel sorry at all about what I feel for you,” Johnny says, facing Mark whose eyes were wide in shock. He was at this point so might as well say what he's been hiding all these years. 

“Since when?” Mark asks, voice low. 

“I don’t know,” Johnny says with a frustrated sigh. “I think I liked you ever since we both saw each other the first time at the restaurant? But I only realized I was in deep when you moved in with us. You were an absolute angel. I tried hard to keep my feelings platonic when all I wanted was to kiss you and—“ Johnny stops himself with a wince. “You remember that day you went for a swim at the pool without a towel? Dripping water all over the floor?”  Johnny remembers that moment like the back of his hand. He was on the way to take his morning run when he saw Mark without a shirt, dripping wet and looking absolutely beautiful. He wanted to carry him over his shoulder and back to his room to— “God, you made me so _frustrated_.” Johnny interrupts his own thoughts with a tired sigh.

“I didn’t know,” Mark replies, breathing deeply. Is this a dream? Did Johnny just say that he felt the same way for him?

“Well, now you do.” Johnny says. “That’s honestly the reason why I keep pushing you away.” Johnny explains. “I can’t seem to trust myself when I’m around you and I’m sorry for that.” Johnny adds.

“Are you messing with me?” Mark scoffs, not wanting to believe his own ears.

“Do you think I would lie about something like this?” Johnny asks with a hurt expression but he knows that Mark has every reason to doubt him. He hasn’t exactly been completely honest about his feelings around him.

“Hyung, just— just tell me the truth,” Mark starts, voice wavering that made Johnny look at him with concern. He saw a tear fall from Mark’s face and he rushed towards him. He wanted to wrap his arms around Mark but he knew the younger wouldn’t exactly like that so he stopped a foot away from him. “Don’t do this to me,” Mark sniffled.

“I know I haven’t been completely honest with you but right now I’m telling you the truth,“ Johnny says, leaning forward for Mark to see how honest he was being.

“You idiot,” Mark starts, sniffling and sending an accusatory glare at Johnny. 

“I think we already went past this—“ Johnny starts before Mark held up a hand to stop him from making any further comment. 

“So after telling me you love me, you’re just going to leave _again_ without hearing my side?” Mark asks and Johnny looks at him with another guilty expression. “I was angry because you didn’t tell me the truth but mostly because I thought you only did that to take advantage of my feelings for you,” 

Johnny looks at him confused. _Feelings for me?_

“But now that you said that you like me,“ Mark fidgets with the edge of his shirt. “It changes everything,” Mark adds. “But don’t get me wrong, I’m still fuming over the fact that you let me carry the guilt alone but it would be wrong of me to put the blame all on you because I let it happen too.” Mark admits. 

“Mark, don’t blame yourself, I—“ 

“I mean, you’re strong but I could’ve broken free from you if I wanted to,” Mark stammers, hands still fidgeting with the edge of his shirt.

“What?” Johnny asks although he’s starting to build a conclusion from what Mark is saying. 

“I could’ve stopped it anytime but I honestly didn’t want to.“ Mark repeats, slowly and louder this time.

“Don’t do this to me, Mark.“ Johnny begs, breathing starting to get shallow. Mark's probably telling him this only to make him feel less guilty. It's something he would do.

“I like you too, hyung,” Mark whispers and Johnny’s breath hitches. “For God knows how long. Even when you told me that you hated me,” Mark sees Johnny flinch but he continues. “That wasn't even enough for me to stop liking you. I thought it was pathetic of me to want you but I just couldn’t help it. I tried distancing myself but you just make it so hard, even when you’re not with me and even when you weren’t even talking to me, you just occupy my th—“ 

Johnny closes the distance between them and kisses Mark. The younger's lips were warm against his and when Mark gasps, he slips his tongue in and explores every corner of Mark's warm mouth. Johnny's hand came to wrap around his back, tightly pulling him towards him like he was afraid Mark would slip away.

The kiss was slow and sensuous, making Mark dizzy with want. It was a stark contrast from the first kiss they had that night, which was desperate and rushed. Both of them were licking and biting at each other lips, trying to take in as much as they can from each other. There wasn't anything gentle about it. They kissed like it was the first and last time they were going to be in each other's arms. Good thing they were both wrong. 

This one was different. They were both taking their time and trying to memorize how they both feel against each other. Mark felt a strong emotion bubbling inside him when Johnny’s arms slowly circled around his waist, drawing him near. He has been trying all these years to bury his feelings for Johnny, knowing how _wrong_ and _impossible_ it was and now he has the older’s warm lips against his, kissing him tenderly and holding him so close like he was afraid Mark would go away. _That’s never going to happen,_ Mark thought as he loses himself deeper into the kiss. 

Mark doesn’t know how much time passed when they pulled apart from each other. They were both feeling exhilarated, breathing heavily and with matching smiles etched on their lips. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Johnny mumbles, staring at Mark’s lips and tracing them with his thumb.

“I know,” Mark teases, feeling the hands wrapped around his waist tighten. He places a gentle kiss at the corner of Johnny’s lips, pulling back with a smile when he saw the other trying to chase him back. Johnny settles with giving him a playful glare which quickly changed into a sigh when he felt Mark slowly sliding his fingers up the hem of Johnny’s shirt, slowly tracing the hard lines of his toned stomach.

“You don’t know how much I wanted this,” Johnny groans out as Mark started pressing wet kisses along the side on his neck, sucking marks with the intention of showing everyone that Johnny was _his._

“Really?” Mark says from against Johnny’s neck, teeth nipping at his collarbone. He slides his hands through the older’s hair and watches in fascination at how Johnny’s eyes flutter close. He smiles in satisfaction with how he was able to elicit this kind of response from Johnny with his simple touches. Mark bites his lips and grips Johnny’s hair tighter, making the older look at him. “Show me,” Mark whispered, meeting Johnny’s dark eyes. 

Johnny smirks and grabs his arm, pulling Mark towards his room. He gasps when Johnny pushes him against the door, hands on each side of his head and effectively locking him in. Johnny’s lips were curled and his head was cocked to the side, looking at Mark like a predator who caught his prey. Mark was only given a moment to breathe when the older pulled him in for another kiss. 

Mark felt his control slip away when he felt Johnny’s tongue sweeping his tongue in his mouth and biting his bottom lip. _Fuck._ Mark grabbed a fistful of Johnny shirts when they started kissing each other desperately, making up for the lost time and trying to convey what was left unsaid with their lips. Johnny placed his thigh between Mark’s knees and the younger can only moan as he began to rub against it, head dropping to Johnny's shoulders. Mark panted as he tried rubbing himself faster on Johnny's thigh, knees buckling at the sensation when Johnny suddenly carried him and gently dropped him on his bed.

Johnny trailed kisses on his neck until Mark felt him pull at his shirt. He raised his upper body so Johnny could peel it off of him easier and shivered when the cold hit him. But it didn't last long when he was once again enveloped with the older's warmth. Mark gasps as Johnny rakes his hands through his ribs, leaving red marks along his pale skin. 

“So sensitive,” Johnny whispers against his chest as he starts pressing wet and open mouthed kisses along his bare chest, clearly avoiding his sensitive nipples. Mark can only whine in annoyance at Johnny’s teasing until he felt a hand pinch one of his sensitive nubs. Johnny's tongue followed after that and Mark arches his back when Johnny started sucking on them, turning them red and pretty.

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” Johnny promises, removing his own shirt along with his pants. 

Mark watches with hooded eyes at the sight; broad shoulders, toned stomach and muscular arms— all for Mark.  He fumbles with Mark’s belt and the younger lets out a chuckle before helping him. Johnny trails his hands over the front of his boxers, pressing hard over his clothed member and making Mark whine. Mark felt his cock twitch from the pressure, precum leaking through the fabric.  Johnny played with the waistband before dipping his hands in, encircling his hands around his cock and giving him a gentle tug. Johnny removed his hand a few moments later and yanked Mark's boxers off, exposing his hard and leaking member. Mark was left completely bare and his hands instinctively went to cover himself up. Too conscious from Johnny's gaze and being it  the first time he was completely naked in front of somebody.

“You’re so beautiful,” Johnny tells him, gently prying Mark's hands away. There was awe and admiration in his voice which only made him blush all the more. Johnny took his time looking at Mark, etching his every feature into memory. Johnny rises up to meet his mouth once more, easily sliding his tongue against Mark’s.“ You're perfect," Johnny pulls away from him to trace his lips from his chest, hips and finally his crotch. " Going to make you forget about anyone but me," Johnny mutters darkly, placing a kiss on his inner thigh making Mark shiver in anticipation. 

He encircles his warm hand around Mark’s leaking cock, which was starting to get painfully hard from the lack of attention. When Mark felt Johnny's hand on him, he couldn't help but moan loudly in return. Mark watches as Johnny's tongue dart out to lick a wet stripe along his length. Mark tried to shift but Johnny’s firm hands on his thighs kept him from doing so.

“Ah— Hyung,” Mark moans as Johnny’s tongue swirled around the head. Mark watches breathlessly as Johnny took him inside him mouth. His grip on the older’s hair tightened when Johnny started sucking him harder. “Hyung—“ Mark gasps when Johnny wrapped a hand around what his mouth couldn’t, head bobbing up and down, making Mark slowly lose his mind. His hips involuntarily buck up to meet Johnny’s mouth and the older grips his hip with his hand while the other hand rubs his thigh as if encouraging him. “Hyung, _fuck—_ I’m going to come if you don’t s-stop,” Mark warns as the older starts sucking him faster. "I'm c-close, hyung," Mark cries out, toes curling. However, in that moment Johnny pulls himself away from the younger and Mark whines from the lost of contact. He was so close. 

“You sound so good,” Johnny smirks and Mark huffs, knowing Johnny was teasing him. "You want more, baby boy?" Johnny meets younger’s eyes and smirks when Mark whines at the pet name. He definitely didn’t miss the way the younger reacted the first time he called him that. Johnny still had his hand around the younger, stroking him in a more relaxed pace, knowing it's only making the younger frustrated by each passing second.

“I w-want to— Ah, ” Mark gasps, words coming to a halt when Johnny suddenly placed his tongue against the slit, licking at the leaking precum at the head.

“Words, Mark,” Johnny muttered, placing a kiss along his inner thigh, hands still stroking him. He knew what he was doing to Mark and he was _enjoying_ it. 

“I want to come with you inside me,” Mark was able to gasp out. The moment those words reached Johnny, the older quickly found his lips to kiss him once again. Mark tasted himself against Johnny’s mouth but he didn’t mind at all, distracted my the way Johnny's hot and open mouth was on his while his other hand was stroking his hard cock. 

“Mark,” Johnny groans out as he rubbed himself against Mark, making the younger whine. “You’re going to drive me insane,” He says while removing his boxers. 

Johnny’s hard member bounced against his toned stomach, tip glistening with precum and Mark can only bite his lip as he stared at it. _Would it even fit?_ He hears Johnny chuckle from above him. “Of course it will, baby.” Johnny answers, Mark not realizing he said the question out loud. “I’m going to stretch you real good and make sure you take it,” Johnny whispers from against Mark’s neck after sucking bruise he knows will leave a dark mark.

“Hyung,” Mark can only whine as Johnny reaches for the bottle of lube he keeps in his bedside cabinet. Mark was lying on his back, skin flushed pink, eyes wide open and waiting. Johnny has never seen someone so beautiful.

He looked absolutely debauched already but the image just Johnny wanted to ruin him more. He wants to see Mark losing his mind with Johnny's cock inside him, screaming and crying to let him come. Maybe next time he'll sit Mark on his lap to warm his cock until Mark's begging him to fuck him already. Or maybe he'll draw orgasm after orgasm from Mark's small body until he can barely come anymore. _Next time._ Right now all he wants is to make Mark feel good, wants to show him what he could do to his body. Wants to show him who he belongs to.

He slowly trailed his hands from Mark’s chest, thumbing his nipples until the younger was keening before settling it on his hips. He didn’t waste any time lubing up his fingers, intent on not hurting Mark in any way. He doesn’t want to screw this up. 

Mark gasps as he felt Johnny’s finger slowly circling his rim. “F-fuck,” Mark moans as Johnny slowly pushed a finger in. 

Johnny pulls his finger out almost all the way before pushing it back in just as slow. He was so tight. Johnny lets out a breath after imagining how Mark would feel around his cock. “You’re so tight,” Johnny mutters, feeling his lips pull into a smile when Mark pushed down on the finger inside him. “And so eager,” Johnny teases before thrusting in his finger in and out faster.

“Hyung, m-more,” Mark moans out, back arching when Johnny obliged and added another finger. Johnny was curling and stretching his fingers inside him and Mark can do nothing but moan pathetically, having felt nothing like this before. Johnny's fingers were so thick and he was just so good with making him see stars. 

“Tell me,” Johnny says, switching to a more relaxed pace which had Mark whining. Mark pushes down on his fingers once more and Johnny places a warning hand along his hip. “Who else made you feel like this?” Johnny curls his finger inside him and brushed it along his prostrate. Mark cries out and sinks his fingers deep into Johnny's shoulders, the feeling leaving him breathless.

"H-hyung, please," Mark begs but his pleas fell into deaf ears when Johnny started pushing his fingers in and out of him again, pointedly avoiding his prostrate.

"Answer me, baby," Johnny teases, scraping his teeth over his nipples. Mark whines in frustration, trying to move himself but the hand that tightened on his hips once again weer enough to make him stop squirming. 

“N-no one,” Mark was able to gasp out while Johnny hums. Johnny starts thrusting his fingers faster and when Johnny finally brushed against his prostate again, Mark's legs unconsciously spread wider making Johnny chuckle. The older wasted no time stroking and pressing his fingers in that spot until Mark felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes. 

“Really?” Johnny teases, loving the sounds Mark was making. The younger’s head was arched back, managing only desperate pants in reply which only fueled Johnny's unrelenting pace. “What about Lucas?” Johnny gave a particular hard thrust that made Mark gasp. “Or that Dawon kid?” Mark whines, not expecting how much Johnny was paying attention to him. Johnny was jealous and he he _loved_ it.

“No— I n-never let them touch me like this,” Mark says. He could barely speak but he wanted Johnny to know this and the older gave a satisfied grunt before pulling his fingers away from him and thrusting them all the way in. “O-only you, hyung,” Mark gasps out when he felt Johnny add a third finger. If Johnny didn’t stop, he’s definitely going to come soon. 

“Good boy,” Johnny answered, slowing his pace and making Mark give an annoyed whine. 

"Please, hyung," Mark begs, out of breath. He doesn't know how many times he's been close. He wants to come already.

“I thought you wanted to come with me inside you?” Johnny says, stretching Mark some more. His fingers were already gliding in and out of Mark easily but he doesn’t want to take any chance of accidentally hurting Mark. 

“Hyung, I want you already,” Mark whines. The younger sounded desperate that Johnny can only bite his lips as he looked at Mark again. The youngers eyes were blown out, pupils dark and dilated. There was a pleasant blush adorning his cheeks and his lips were red and puffy. He must’ve been biting his lips to stop himself from making too much noise. _This is all because of me,_ Johnny thought with a smirk.

“How do you want to—,” Johnny starts before Mark interrupted him, voice low and nervous.

“I want to see you,” Mark whispers, voice low and it almost made Johnny lose his mind. He’s so perfect. 

“Of course, baby,” Johnny replies a smile playing on his lips before he placed a kiss on the side of Mark’s neck. He grabbed a condom and was about to put it on when he felt Mark’s hands on his wrist. 

“No,” Mark says, hand soft around his wrist that had Johnny’s eyes snapping down at him. “I’m clean,” Mark says, cheeks blushing. 

“I am too,” Johnny replies a little confused before brushing Mark’s hair away from his eyes. 

“I know that,” Mark stutters, not meeting Johnny’s eyes. 

“Then what is it, Mark?” Johnny asks, concern in his voice. He’ll be really bummed if Mark wanted to stop now but Johnny knows he would wait until Mark was ready for him. He knows he's been waiting so long for Mark but he’ll be glad to do it some more if it’s Mark.

“It’s just,” Mark feels his ears reddening. “I want to feel you— all of you,” Mark whispers. 

“Oh, Mark,” Johnny says with a groan before placing a heated kiss on Mark’s lips. “You’re going to be the death of me.” Mark gives him a smile although his heart was hammering in his chest.

Mark was looking at him a little dazed, focused on the way Johnny was coating himself with lube. “You’re so big,” Mark muttered, eyes widening when he realized he said it out loud again.

“Ah, you’re really feeding my ego too much,” Johnny says with a grin while Mark swatted his arm in retaliation. “You ready?” Johnny asks aligning himself and looking at Mark who was looking at him with desire and anticipation. Mark took a deep breath before giving him Johnny a nod. 

“F-fuck,” Mark gasps when the Johnny slowly pressed in.  The older made sure to stretch him but Mark was just so incredibly _tight._ He let out a low moan when he felt Mark’s warm heat pulsing and clenching around him. Mark felt so _good_. He wanted nothing more than to thrust into Mark fully but he didn't want to hurt him. He doesn't want to fuck this up.

“Mark, you okay?” Johnny asks, gazing at Mark do see how he was doing. He could tell that Mark was fighting to stay relaxed from the way his eyes were squeezed shut along with his brows which were furrowed in concentration.

“I feel so f-full,” Mark gasps out, eyes opening to look at Johnny. “But don’t s-stop,” Mark pants. Johnny nods at him and pushed in more, ever so slowly until he finally bottomed out. 

“Fuck, Mark,” Johnny gasps out, Mark’s muscles were tightly clenching around him and it was driving him insane. “How are you so tight?” Johnny muttered before giving Mark a kiss, trying to relax the younger a bit more. He let himself give a shallow thrust, making the younger moan out loud. 

“I told you,” Mark gasps, hands clutching Johnny’s shoulders tight when the older shifted once again. “You’re the only one I ever let me touch like this,” Johnny stiffened from above him. 

“Are you telling me—?” Johnny trails, eyes wide. 

“Yeah,” Mark nods sheepishly, squirming from Johnny’s gaze, the action sending a shiver up his spine. “I never—“ 

“Never?” Johnny repeats. No. He can’t believe this. That’s why Mark looked so worried and unsure at the start. Mark’s first time was with him? He should’ve been more careful. How did he not see the signs from the start? He didn’t deserve to be Mark’s first— 

“I only ever wanted it to be you,” Mark says, silencing Johnny’s thoughts. 

He fooled around with Dawon but they’ve never really gone to the point past handjobs and blowjobs. He was planning on sleeping with Lucas just to get it over with but the desire to give it to him died out since they lost touch with each other and became really good friends. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship over something like that although he was certain Lucas would agree but Mark knows it would be uncomfortable on his part.

He never really found the right person he wants to give himself to but now at this moment, he realized it was just because he already had a person in mind all this time. He wasn’t exactly being honest to himself but he’s always wanted and wished that his first would be Johnny. He knew it was a pointless dream but here he was. 

“Mark— I,” Johnny stutters. “Are you sure?” He says with doubt laced in his voice. “We don’t have to do this right away, baby. I don’t want to rush you—“

Mark chuckles. “Isn’t it a little late to say that?” He says and Johnny winces in embarrassment. “But it doesn’t matter because all I know is I don’t want anyone but you,” Mark says, cradling Johnny’s head to make him see how certain Mark is. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so sure about his life apart from this. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Johnny mutters again, eyes gleaming. He truly doesn’t. Mark gives him a smile that silenced his doubts and Johnny closed the gap between them, giving Mark a kiss which he hoped said all the promises he knows he'll do for him. 

“But I still need you to tell me again that you want this as much as I do, Mark,” Johnny says, pulling back. “You need to tell me now because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop,” He needs to hear it from Mark once again. This was such an important matter for him that he needs another confirmation.

“I want this, hyung.” Mark says, sincere and calm. Johnny gives him a nod before he started rolling his lips, intent on getting Mark used to his length. And also to make Mark feel all of him. 

“Mark, you good?” Johnny asked, faltering slightly when he saw tears fall out of Mark’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Mark says as he feels Johnny wipe the tears from his face with his hand. “I just— You don’t know how long I wanted this,” Mark said honestly, rocking his hips back at Johnny to urge him to continue. 

“Me too,” Johnny says, pressing a gentle kiss on his forehead before continuing to thrust into Mark.  The younger wraps his legs around Johnny’s waist and the older speeds up his pace. Mark felt so good around him and although he has loosened up a little, he was still _so_ tight and Johnny can only groan at the overwhelming feeling.

Mark starts meeting Johnny’s thrusts, shuddering and whimpering all the while. He’s so overwhelmed and it feels so, so good. It’s all he ever hoped it to be and more. However, there was this undeniable feeling that Johnny was still holding back. “Hyung, I’m not going to break,” Mark murmured, dragging his fingers through the older's hair.  Mark let out a surprised cry when Johnny pulled all the way out and suddenly slammed himself back in, Mark sliding upwards from the force. 

Johnny started fucking him earnestly then, nearly lifting Mark from the bed and leaving the younger unable to stop his loud moans. The sounds their bodies were making was so filthy but Mark can't help but stretch his knees further apart, letting Johnny get deeper and deeper. “This is mine,"  He hears Johnny murmur and Mark can only let out a nod before he started fucking Mark harder and faster than before. 

“ _Fuck,_ h-hyung,” Mark whines, hands clawing at Johnny’s back as the older positions them into a better angle that had him hitting Mark prostrate with every slide. He’s never felt pleasure like this before. All he was thinking about at that moment was Johnny, Johnny and Johnny. He doesn't care about anything anymore, all he ever wanted and needed was in his arms. 

“Only I ever get to see you like this,” Johnny says when his hand works it’s way between their bodies to grasp Mark’s leaking cock. 

“A-ah, hyung— I’m so c-close,” Mark whines, hands drifting towards his mouth to stop the embarrassing sounds he was emitting until Johnny removed them from his mouth, wanting to hear what he does to Mark. 

"I'm close too," Johnny groaned, his hips turning erratic and simply fucking into Mark with abandon. He's never felt this pleasure before and the younger beneath him felt so incredible. He was meeting Johnny's thrusts, mouth open with tears falling from his eyes from desperation. He looked so sinful. In his whole life, Johnny has never felt anything as intense as this but he knows knows it's simply because he's with Mark. Everything about Mark makes everything better. “Come for me, baby boy,” Johnny’s rough voice whispered in Mark's ear. 

“Oh, my God— Johnny!” Mark comes with a shout, head thrown back and legs shaking. His body clamps around Johnny’s and the older follows not too long after, coming inside Mark with a muffled curse around his neck. He's never felt anything like this before so he can only moan at the feeling of Johnny's hot come painting his insides. 

The older draws out their orgasm by slowly pumping in and out of Mark while the younger moans from the overstimulation. When Johnny completely emptied himself inside Mark, he slowly pulled himself out of him and laid down beside him on the bed. Johnny drew the younger near him and placed their mouths together. They kiss, slow and heavy, until the both of them break apart for air.

“You're so perfect,” Johnny whispers, foreheads drawn together. Mark hums a response, absolutely spent and they lay together like that for quite some time, basking in each other’s presence until Johnny started rising up from the bed. He carried the younger to the shower, knowing how uncomfortable he must be feeling and lets the warm spray of water wash their bodies. 

Johnny helps Mark clean himself off but he can't help but be mesmerized with seeing his come coming out of the younger. It was dripping in between his legs making Johnny groan. He turns Mark so that he’s facing him and kisses him again. His hands trails lower until he’s circling Mark’s hole once more. Mark jolts, still sensitive but he doesn't stop Johnny when the older dips his fingers in. Johnny curls his fingers inside Mark and gently draws his come out of Mark. 

“Baby, you feel that?” Johnny asks and Mark can only nod, jaw slack and panting from the feeling. He was still sore but Johnny’s fingers were doing wonders to his body so he feels himself getting hard once again. “That’s me inside you,” Johnny murmurs, fingers still inside him, coaxing the come out of Mark's body. 

“Johnny,” Mark moans out as Johnny started to pull his fingers in and out of him again. 

“You're mine,” Johnny murmurs, trailing kisses along Mark’s jaw.

“Yes—“ Mark gasps out. “Yours.” 

They fuck once more against the bathroom wall, slower this time, reveling the feeling of each other under the warm spray of water. Johnny held Mark up and murmured soft words against his ears. Mark could barely understand him from the haze but he catches a few words while only fuelled the pleasure pooling in his gut.  The younger’s body was sore but he gratefully took everything Johnny gave him. 

After they were done, Johnny wiped Mark with a towel and put him in his clothes, loving the way his shirt fit the younger's small body. They crawl back to Johnny’s room and lay down on his bed. Johnny tucking Mark under his chin and placing a protective arm around him. The grip around Mark was vice-like but the younger didn't mind. Although his body was spent, his mind was still running, making it hard for him to close his eyes. He tries to focus on Mark's breathing but he can't fight the thoughts that were bombarding his mind. 

What if Mark wakes up in the morning and regrets everything? What if he leaves Johnny and never comes back? Mark wasn't really that young but compared to Johnny, he was just starting. He's bound to meet a lot more people.  Johnny would be out of university in a couple of months, so what will happen then? Isn't keeping Mark for himself selfish? Mark is up for a lot of amazing things and he doesn't want to make it feel like he's tying him to him. Mark is—

“Shut up,” Mark murmurs from his chest. “I can’t sleep with you thinking so loudly,” Mark says and Johnny shows an embarrassed expression although he knows Mark can’t exactly see his face. 

"I'm not—" Johnny starts, trying to defend himself. He doesn't want to make it obvious to Mark that he was worried about everything. 

“Let’s just sleep for now. We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” Mark says in a calm tone, allowing no room for any discussion. 

“I know you’re tired,” Johnny starts. He knows he should let Mark sleep but he can’t seem to ignore this question. He just wants the answer to this one. "But just tell me this—" 

“No,” Mark interrupts, placing a hand on Johnny's chest. “I don’t regret it. Not even a little bit,” Mark says, tipping his head up at Johnny. The older looks down to meet his gaze and sees the certainty in Mark's eyes. He dips further down and Mark places a quick kiss on his lips before ducking down and nestling himself nearer to Johnny's chest.

"Me too." He whispers, heart content and finally letting sleep take him.

_ I'm not going to make the same mistake again. This time I'm never letting go, Mark. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This was so hard to write, omg. But I'm glad I got this chapter out. It's like, the hardest one to write, haha. I know the smut aka their first time together wasn't that good because I reaaally don’t know how to write smut but I still wanted to try because I felt like it was a vital part of the story, lol. I apologize if it wasn't great but know I tried my best, hahaha.
> 
> Please don't forget to let me know what you think! I appreciate each and every one of you!
> 
> Stay safe, everyone!


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